Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:10     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds to me like your daughter (and her boyfriend!) are both mature and handling this responsibly.

And I understand the !!!! feelings (as much as I can, with my children not yet in high school), but children do grow up and start doing grown-up things, for good or bad. And if they're going to have sex, then I'd rather it happen comfortably and safely in my child's own home, instead of uncomfortably and unsafely who knows where.


+1000

I think it's great that she shared this with you. I would stress the importance of SAFE sex (taking pill plus maybe add in condoms too?). IMO sex itself is OK as long as she's not getting an STD or pregnant.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:08     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:OMG op, you are glib. Did you think they were playing cards in the bedroom?


That would be a good post in response to OP, if OP's question were, "Do you think I should have suspected that my daughter was having sex in her room?" But OP isn't asking that.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:05     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
OMG op, you are glib. Did you think they were playing cards in the bedroom?
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:04     Subject: Re:DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

The readers of this thread and ALL of the boy's friends.



Not necessarily true. My brother was the typical high school jock and he never, ever talked about his girlfriends (had two in high school) like that. And he was involved in sexual relationships. I would have known - I was only two years behind him in school.

Did you seriously just write that? You know everything that your older brother talked about, and who he talked to in high school? Ok


Yes, I actually did. We traveled in the same circles and my boyfriend was also a jock and on all the same teams as my brother.

I went to high school in the 90's. Maybe things are different now.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:01     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:

Could be. I don't think doctors can give 16 year olds BC without a parent's consent. I mean if she went to a practice there would be a receipt or something--if you demand to see it, she will feel you don't trust her. But I think you could come back with: "Look, you are still under 18, this is a major health issue. It is not a question purely of trust at this point, but a matter of following up on a matter directly related to your health and well being. As your parent, it is still my responsibility to see that your health care has been delivered in a reasonable way. At the very least, I want you to give me the name of the doctor and or clinic or a receipt for the diaphragm or whatever they were given."



Yes, they can. And that's a good thing.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:01     Subject: Re:DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

The readers of this thread and ALL of the boy's friends.



Not necessarily true. My brother was the typical high school jock and he never, ever talked about his girlfriends (had two in high school) like that. And he was involved in sexual relationships. I would have known - I was only two years behind him in school.

Did you seriously just write that? You know everything that your older brother talked about, and who he talked to in high school? Ok
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 10:00     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your little girl is grown up. People used to be married at 16.


More than 120 years ago. Wake up. She is still a little girl


Lol no? People got married at 16 all the time in the 50s and still do now occasionally. The people in front of us at the courthouse when we got married were 16.


I don't get this attitude. It was normal 60+ yrs ago for 16 yrs olds to get married. It was also normal back then for girls to not go to college; it was normal back then to not wear seatbelts, let 6 yr olds walk to the park with their 10 yr old sibling, to be a latchkey kid. It was also normal to have segregation and not allow inter-racial relationships. It was normal back then for girls to not start their period until they were about 13/14. Now, it's normal to start as young as 9. Why is it that some things that were "normal" back then is still normal now, but not other things? Because times do change. And "normal" is all relative. In other cultures, it is not normal for 16 yr olds to be having sex in their parents' house.

I agree with another PP.... accidents happen. No birth control is 100%. So, if you are prepared to help raise your grandchild or have your DD go through an abortion, then good for you. And I bet these people are the same ones that tsk tsk at low-income 16 yr olds having sex, even if they use protection, and then accidentally get pregnant.

Why are parents responsible for 16 yr olds in every way, except for this? They are under our health insurance; we have legal control over their health, *except* for this, the one thing that forces them into adulthood - possibly becoming a parent themselves.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:58     Subject: Re:DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the "we have rules and morals" parents just don't know their daughters are giving BJ's to boys at parties and church mixers. Keep your head in the sand, Parents, because the shock of what your child is doing outside of your home will kill you.


Actually, I do know that is going on. My child told me and we avoid those "parties" where parents have no rules, let kids "party" in the basement without any supervision. It is crazy to me that girls are giving out blowjobs so easily.

The other kids have social lives, go to movies, have friends over and don't need the drugs, alcohol and sex to have fun.

Your head is in the sand if you thing "all kids are doing it".


And yet, PP, we have here an OP who thought her daughter had a social life, went to ballet, studied and was responsible who is, YES, having sex with her boyfriend. So maybe you actually don't know what your kids are doing.


Something tells me that OP is a wrench or two short of a full tool box...


Okay. You keep telling yourself that. Meanwhile, in the real world, many of us will accept the reality that teenagers have sexual feelings and will most likely act on those feelings if given the opportunity. We will feel weird about it and question if our children are ready or not and we will likely project our own experiences and insecurities onto our kids. I don't think I'm the only person on this thread who would be happy to have a daughter like the daughter described here.


Bin-go. "If given the opportunity" are the key words here. Any responsbile parent would see that doesn't happen at 16.



I had sex for the first time during in the dressing room of our school auditorium during school. How would you have prevented that, PP? Forbidden independent study?!

LOL


I would have brought you up to respect yourself a little more than that.



You did bring me up, Mom.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:57     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:My only comment here is that 16 is too young to have such a serious relationship. Too much drama.

Get out of the '60s. Teenage sex does not constitute a serious relationship these days.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:57     Subject: Re:DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. DD has a small "study" attached to her bedroom and she and her boyfriend study up there (or at least part of the time now). We never disturb her. Her room also has an door to the outside so we don't even know went he comes and goes (Christ, the puns are inevitable!)

DD told me that her doctor tested them both for STDs, even though she was a virgin, and they came back clean.

I know his parents but don't feel comfortable bring up this issue with them - should I? I don't know if they know...

On one hand, I am very proud of the way DD handled this - she told her boyfriend that there would be no fooling around at all before they made the decision to get into a sexual relationship and to go to the doctor. She felt very strongly that, as the female, she didn't want to play the game of the girl being the "goal keeper" and the one responsible for saying no. Apparently he respected this so there was nothing beyond kissing until she had a month on the pill.

On the other hand, my daughter is having sex in her bedroom with her boyfriend!!!! I just cannot get past this and honestly don't know if there is anything I could or should do!!! I wasn't prepared for this and I don't know why I wasn't - denial, I guess.

DD's father passed away when she was seven and I have not told her step-father. She very close to him and he adores her - I don't know how he would take it.

The readers of this thread are the only people who know my daughter is having sex. Regularly. Upstairs.

The readers of this thread and ALL of the boy's friends.



Not necessarily true. My brother was the typical high school jock and he never, ever talked about his girlfriends (had two in high school) like that. And he was involved in sexual relationships. I would have known - I was only two years behind him in school.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:57     Subject: Re:DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the "we have rules and morals" parents just don't know their daughters are giving BJ's to boys at parties and church mixers. Keep your head in the sand, Parents, because the shock of what your child is doing outside of your home will kill you.


Actually, I do know that is going on. My child told me and we avoid those "parties" where parents have no rules, let kids "party" in the basement without any supervision. It is crazy to me that girls are giving out blowjobs so easily.

The other kids have social lives, go to movies, have friends over and don't need the drugs, alcohol and sex to have fun.

Your head is in the sand if you thing "all kids are doing it".


And yet, PP, we have here an OP who thought her daughter had a social life, went to ballet, studied and was responsible who is, YES, having sex with her boyfriend. So maybe you actually don't know what your kids are doing.


Something tells me that OP is a wrench or two short of a full tool box...


Okay. You keep telling yourself that. Meanwhile, in the real world, many of us will accept the reality that teenagers have sexual feelings and will most likely act on those feelings if given the opportunity. We will feel weird about it and question if our children are ready or not and we will likely project our own experiences and insecurities onto our kids. I don't think I'm the only person on this thread who would be happy to have a daughter like the daughter described here.


Bin-go. "If given the opportunity" are the key words here. Any responsbile parent would see that doesn't happen at 16.



I had sex for the first time during in the dressing room of our school auditorium during school. How would you have prevented that, PP? Forbidden independent study?!

LOL


I would have brought you up to respect yourself a little more than that.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:57     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
"I had sex for the first time during in the dressing room of our school auditorium during school. How would you have prevented that, PP? Forbidden independent study?!"

This.

To those who would be livid if they found out their DC was having sex in a bedroom, would you prefer him or her to have sex in a car?
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:56     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Why can't DD and her boyfriend study with the door open?
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:56     Subject: DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:I call BS on the fact they went to the doctor.


Could be. I don't think doctors can give 16 year olds BC without a parent's consent. I mean if she went to a practice there would be a receipt or something--if you demand to see it, she will feel you don't trust her. But I think you could come back with: "Look, you are still under 18, this is a major health issue. It is not a question purely of trust at this point, but a matter of following up on a matter directly related to your health and well being. As your parent, it is still my responsibility to see that your health care has been delivered in a reasonable way. At the very least, I want you to give me the name of the doctor and or clinic or a receipt for the diaphragm or whatever they were given."

That is going to be a contentious conversation and you aren't going to get to walk away feeling like the good buddy mom. That just the way that is. She is still under age--you need proof that these things are being done. As for the fact that this has happened--that's life! Our kids grow up, and they do grown up things. Your daughter sounds like she has made very good choices but you need to follow this one up.
Anonymous
Post 01/30/2015 09:56     Subject: Re:DD 16 is involved in a sexual relationship
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Most of the "we have rules and morals" parents just don't know their daughters are giving BJ's to boys at parties and church mixers. Keep your head in the sand, Parents, because the shock of what your child is doing outside of your home will kill you.


Actually, I do know that is going on. My child told me and we avoid those "parties" where parents have no rules, let kids "party" in the basement without any supervision. It is crazy to me that girls are giving out blowjobs so easily.

The other kids have social lives, go to movies, have friends over and don't need the drugs, alcohol and sex to have fun.

Your head is in the sand if you thing "all kids are doing it".


And yet, PP, we have here an OP who thought her daughter had a social life, went to ballet, studied and was responsible who is, YES, having sex with her boyfriend. So maybe you actually don't know what your kids are doing.


Something tells me that OP is a wrench or two short of a full tool box...


Okay. You keep telling yourself that. Meanwhile, in the real world, many of us will accept the reality that teenagers have sexual feelings and will most likely act on those feelings if given the opportunity. We will feel weird about it and question if our children are ready or not and we will likely project our own experiences and insecurities onto our kids. I don't think I'm the only person on this thread who would be happy to have a daughter like the daughter described here.


Bin-go. "If given the opportunity" are the key words here. Any responsbile parent would see that doesn't happen at 16.


Places I had sex as an honor roll 16/17 year old:

my car
my boyfriend's car
on a blanket in the woods in a state park
backstage at drama club when working late on a set one night
my boyfriend's house (parents not home)
a graduation party hosted by a friend's family

I knew kids who had sex at school, during the day time. What I meant by "if given the opportunity" was "if they are in a relationship with someone who also wants to have sex." Your interpretation would basically require a parent to follow a kid around at all times and not leave them alone for a second. Is that really what you're suggesting, or are you willing to admit that it's possible your kids are engaged in sexual activity while you think they're at the movies?