Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect op's family are dysfunctional and overstep boundaries. The letter op's sil posted is kind of a standard letter encouraged at various sites that deal with screwed up families.

If you believe the point of a visit with a family with a new born is to hold said new born, you are being inappropriate.

hmmmm
when i had a baby -- i figured people were coming to see, hold, and visit with baby. They already knew my ass.

Really? For our visitors the baby was a side show for the main event, catching up with the adults whose lives had just changed so dramatically. It's not like the baby is all that engaging or can tell you how the birth went or how things are going. They might be cute, but are very likely to be asleep most of the visit. Maybe they hold the baby for a bit, and coo...maybe they even hold the baby for a whole nap. But during that time they talk to their friends, the adults, who are the ones with the information and with whom they have a relationship.

Yes, the attention continued to be centered around me, too. Why would people come simply to see a creature that sleeps all the time, spits up and messes diapers? Much less assume that they would want to hold it, lol.

I love it. I'd freaking frame thaat shit and look at it for a laugh any time I was sad. That is comedy gold right there. I'd look forward to more gems from her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect op's family are dysfunctional and overstep boundaries. The letter op's sil posted is kind of a standard letter encouraged at various sites that deal with screwed up families.

If you believe the point of a visit with a family with a new born is to hold said new born, you are being inappropriate.

hmmmm
when i had a baby -- i figured people were coming to see, hold, and visit with baby. They already knew my ass.

Really? For our visitors the baby was a side show for the main event, catching up with the adults whose lives had just changed so dramatically. It's not like the baby is all that engaging or can tell you how the birth went or how things are going. They might be cute, but are very likely to be asleep most of the visit. Maybe they hold the baby for a bit, and coo...maybe they even hold the baby for a whole nap. But during that time they talk to their friends, the adults, who are the ones with the information and with whom they have a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

OP.
The more I read your responses, the more insensitive you seem to the entire situation. You do realize that having your child does not make you an authority on birth? Just YOUR birth. Your experiences in motherhood, pregnancy, breastfeeding, surgery = / = other people's experiences in the same.

You are minimizing everything about this woman is experiencing. And making yourself look more and more obnoxious in the process.

Seriously -- Why are you so salty?

+1. The more I read of this thread, the more I pity the SIL and wonder if OP isn't the very reason she sent out this email.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

is she 15?
I had all these things happen, minus the baby being tongue-tied. What a freaking drama queen your SIL is being. Yes, if you truly need some help, you can CALL close friends and relatives and ask, nicely, not with some 3 page list. What an idiot!

Anonymous wrote:I suspect op's family are dysfunctional and overstep boundaries. The letter op's sil posted is kind of a standard letter encouraged at various sites that deal with screwed up families.

If you believe the point of a visit with a family with a new born is to hold said new born, you are being inappropriate.

hmmmm
when i had a baby -- i figured people were coming to see, hold, and visit with baby. They already knew my ass.

Anonymous wrote:I suspect op's family are dysfunctional and overstep boundaries. The letter op's sil posted is kind of a standard letter encouraged at various sites that deal with screwed up families.

If you believe the point of a visit with a family with a new born is to hold said new born, you are being inappropriate.

Well call me silly, but I would expect that visitors would want to hold the baby. There are times when that is not possible for lots of different reasons, true.

I suspect op's family are dysfunctional and overstep boundaries. The letter op's sil posted is kind of a standard letter encouraged at various sites that deal with screwed up families.

If you believe the point of a visit with a family with a new born is to hold said new born, you are being inappropriate.

Wow, that is a really obnoxious email. I agree with the many others who pointed out that most of these conditions can easily be met by having the husband restrict visits or by asking specific family members to handle specific tasks. I'm sure that you're not the only person who's forwarding that email around and rolling your eyes.

And, yes, I also wish that I had handled those early days better and reached out for help (c-sections both times and one baby born with a serious birth defect that required immediate surgery), but I never, ever in a million years would have sent this email out. I would never live it down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most".

Of course she did

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

You will just have to set the example. Show her how a tough old broad handles it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless she almost died in childbirth and her baby is seriously ill that email is gross

No.

She wanted a natural vaginal birth. She was in "more pain that most" and had to have an epidural which spiraled into an emergency c-section. The baby was and is fine. She is not coping with healing from the c-section. I had a c-section, I know it's a bitch...

Baby has a tongue tie, the world is over. She took breastfeeding classes so thought it would be easy. Things didn't pan out who she planned, and she can't deal.

OP.
The more I read your responses, the more insensitive you seem to the entire situation. You do realize that having your child does not make you an authority on birth? Just YOUR birth. Your experiences in motherhood, pregnancy, breastfeeding, surgery = / = other people's experiences in the same.

You are minimizing everything about this woman is experiencing. And making yourself look more and more obnoxious in the process.

Seriously -- Why are you so salty?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The email made me laugh and laugh. Thanks! I predict that being a parent will be very, very difficult for them.

Agree....sounds like OP's SIL is a total narcissist.

Ditto. OP, be prepared for a lot more of this down the road.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you say mass email -- it went out to who - family or friends and coworkers as well? I'd love to go to the home of a neighbor under the instruction that I must scrub the sink while I'm there. If they pulled this with just family -- people will still show out of obligation. But for friends/neighbors etc. -- they're about to figure out that people don't really care about them as much as they thought they did.

I think friends and families.

If we were honored to be receiving the e-mail it meant recuperating SIL wanted to see us.

Pls post the email!!

Hi friends and family,

We would like to visit those closest to us to come visit our new family. It's been a very long and stressful past few days and to keep everyone happy and healthy we do have a few requests.

We request all our guests are;
-healthy (no fevers within the last 48 hours, and no worrisome symptoms within the last couple of days this includes vomiting, diarrhea, and/or severe coughing)
-updated on ALL vaccines
-willing to help out (we are very behind in housework and rather spend time bonding with [baby] than cleaning and cooking)
-over the age of 18 (we request no children come at this time)
-not stay over allotted time. (30 minutes to an hour based on our needs)
-not wearing an perfumes or scented body lotions

Our main concern right now is the health of mom and [baby]. Please do not be offended if we do not allow you to hold [baby] during our visitation. There are many reasons for this and none of it is personal. We want to foster the bond between mother, father and baby and also make sure he stays healthy.

We have gotten a lot of requests to bring meals. We greatly appreciate that but do to limited space we ask that you contact us before bringing over a meal. I will include a least of things we need and enjoy below. Right now my diet is very strict because of some feeding issues we had with [baby]. Please do not bring any dish containing sugar and please do not bring any alcohol.

We are taking visitors from 10am to 4pm for the next few days, but don't want more than a couple of visitors a day so please respond ASAP to let us know a time that works for you. We may postpone or delay visitation based on the needs of myself and [baby]. At this time I prefer feeding time to be done without any extra guests. We have had some unexpected difficulties, and so please bear with us.

While not necessary, we would GREATLY appreciate if any guests are willing help us with basic chores. My recovery from the birth has not been going well so I find it very difficult to keep up with daily tasks. If you could volunteer to do dishes or laundry or run the vacuum we would be so grateful.

Thank you so much for being with us during my difficult pregnancy. You have all been so helpful and we greatly appreciate everything you've done. We are really limiting who gets to visit these first few weeks, but we can't wait to see those of you who we truly cherish.

Love, [SIL]

This is a list of the sort of thing that I would want to say but wouldn't. It's also the sort of thing I can see myself sending and then being mortified that I sent years later- especially as a first time parent they are probably being told to tell others this stuff and it's all new. I'd give her a break- she's in the midst of a ton of hormones, possibly even PPD, and she's trying her best (and yes, it's terrible mail).

Anonymous wrote:The email made me laugh and laugh. Thanks! I predict that being a parent will be very, very difficult for them.

Agree....sounds like OP's SIL is a total narcissist.