Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

Indians show up usually an hour late. It is called IST (Indian Standard Time). Being 1/2 hour late means that you are actually early. So, in a party where both Indians and Americans are expected - Americans are given the correct time and Indians are given an earlier time.

- Indian.

And I had black friends in college who called it CST - colored people time. So, I guess everyone has some version! If you go to an Indian party at the time requested, you will most certainly be the first one there, and the host will not be expecting you at that time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.

Me too. I start panicking when people are late. Late to me is anytime past the designated time.

You should both know that arriving early to a dinner party - or any event at someone's house - is ruder than arriving 5 minutes late.

+1

The only exception to this rule is a surprise party, where it is crucial that everyone be there on.the.dot. So earlier is better in that scenario.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

Your tone is obnoxious but as to me at least you are correct. I'm not a natural hostess, and am somewhat disorganized when it comes to pulling everything together. I do enjoy hosting occasionally though so I do. If you show up 10 min early at my house, I will see you coming, rush to my room to change, and then be even more disorganized as I try to entertain you and do last minute prep. It's really not a huge deal if people show up early, but I'd rather you didn't. And I won't ever show up early to someone's house. Pre-kid, I would intentionally arrive 5-10 min late. These days, I still aim for that but it doesn't always happen.

So what if your hostess is disorganized? That doesn't mean you're in the right to show up early and fluster her! You're not morally superior because you show up early. You're just early. (And I say this as a hostess who is always sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.) Personally, unless it was really good friends and I expected to pitch in, I would never show up early.

I wouldn't look down on someone who did, but I would rather have that last 10 minutes to myself - there's stuff in the oven, I'm plating munchies, I'm throwing on some makeup, feeding the kids etc.

I always need those last 10 minutes before guests arrive. I guess it would be o.k. if people arrived, but it would throw me off and I wouldn't get to a few things- lighting candles, checking oven, etc.

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

Your tone is obnoxious but as to me at least you are correct. I'm not a natural hostess, and am somewhat disorganized when it comes to pulling everything together. I do enjoy hosting occasionally though so I do. If you show up 10 min early at my house, I will see you coming, rush to my room to change, and then be even more disorganized as I try to entertain you and do last minute prep. It's really not a huge deal if people show up early, but I'd rather you didn't. And I won't ever show up early to someone's house. Pre-kid, I would intentionally arrive 5-10 min late. These days, I still aim for that but it doesn't always happen.

Anonymous wrote:I think 10-15 min late is optimal. Somehow arriving right on time seems odd to me (unless it's like your sister or best friends house and then presumably you're doing it so you can help). It screams -- I've never been invited to a party before and I want to take advantage of every single second of it.

As for the Indian standard of being an hr late -- I'm Indian and my family did that only for big events where we knew we wouldn't be missed. If someone invited me and another family for dinner -- no way would I be an hr late -- as it holds up eating for everyone. For the big big Indian parties (you know -- your standard 500 people in a reception hall parties), I think it matters a lot less because dinner is served when it's served no matter how many are there.

I always thought people were fairly late to Indian parties bc they are REALLY long. It isn't odd for a party to end around midnight, so do you really want to get there at 6 pm? The worst etiquette I've ever seen was at an Indian party though. Graduation party starting around 6 pm. While I'm Indian, I was one of the school friend invitees, so I couldn't be super late -- got there around 630-ish. No freaking food served -- besides one mini samosa and a glass of coke -- by the time our high school group ditched that party at 10 pm and hit McDonalds. I'm sorry -- if you don't want to serve friends, don't invite them. If you do want to feed everyone, then start feeding them at a reasonable hour no matter who is coming or going -- keep the party buffet style with "courses" if you have some inclination to keep people there all night, but starving your guests leaves a bad impression.

C.P.T. works for me!

I think 10-15 min late is optimal. Somehow arriving right on time seems odd to me (unless it's like your sister or best friends house and then presumably you're doing it so you can help). It screams -- I've never been invited to a party before and I want to take advantage of every single second of it.

As for the Indian standard of being an hr late -- I'm Indian and my family did that only for big events where we knew we wouldn't be missed. If someone invited me and another family for dinner -- no way would I be an hr late -- as it holds up eating for everyone. For the big big Indian parties (you know -- your standard 500 people in a reception hall parties), I think it matters a lot less because dinner is served when it's served no matter how many are there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.

Me too. I start panicking when people are late. Late to me is anytime past the designated time.

You should both know that arriving early to a dinner party - or any event at someone's house - is ruder than arriving 5 minutes late.

+1
Those last ten minutes are always panic filled for me as the hostess; too many things to do including getting myself ready. We have relatives who consistently come early and then wonder why no one is available to sit and chat with them. So rude! Five minutes late is ideal. Then we're ready for you.

Not a big deal. People are ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!

I think she was referring to Italy, not 2nd/3rd generation Italian Americans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

I assume that you are one of those people who order take out for a dinner party.

nope

I made homemade meat sauce and pasta for a party I had this Friday.

appetizers - Italian cheeses and crackers, salame, and olives

made bresaola, meatballs, lamb and sausage - with a salad made from farm-delivered greens

and tiramisu for dessert



I simply don't have a stick up my ass as many of you do.

You folks simply don't know how to plan. I prepare for those who arrive early and late. It's really not that hard.

So, like, if someone shows up 45 minutes early...are you ready then? How about an hour late? No harm, no foul, right? Because you're ready for that. It's really not that hard.

Love all these people who act like manners that every normal person has = stick up your ass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

I assume that you are one of those people who order take out for a dinner party.

nope

I made homemade meat sauce and pasta for a party I had this Friday.

appetizers - Italian cheeses and crackers, salame, and olives

made bresaola, meatballs, lamb and sausage - with a salad made from farm-delivered greens

and tiramisu for dessert



I simply don't have a stick up my ass as many of you do.

You folks simply don't know how to plan. I prepare for those who arrive early and late. It's really not that hard.

Well if you serve peasant food that can be heated in the microwave, I guess it is not an issue for you.

Anonymous wrote:Rude.

- Ms. Manners

Ordinarily I would write +1, but because it is Ms. Manners-related comment, I shall write "plus one."