It just shows me that the school is stupid and I can't count on the them to be fair, with my child or others and to stimulate their development. My daughter will always be overlooked, but any psychopath will get a lot of awards.

OP, do you hear yourself?

My child was never motivated by stickers. He is well-behaved most of the time and very polite. He is nice to other children and helpful. He is also quirky, creative and an out-of-the-box thinker.

I can't say that his schools have worked very hard to kill his spirit. I can assure you that there are not enough stickers on this planet to accomplish that. I can say that they took my reluctant reader and taught him how to do it -- did not come easy. It was misery at the time, but that really doesn't matter.

I really don't understand some of the crazy in this thread. OP needs to lighten up - some kid, clearly the devil's spawn, got an award for behaving herself (except of course, she is really horrid, ill-behaved and mean). Most things in life are neither black nor white, but shaded and nuanced. Teacher at 19:59, that comment is for you.

There was also some good advice tucked in here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your scorn for good manners, good behavior, and trying hard don't bode well. Believe me, your daughter picks up on this.

You need an attitude adjustment, and to dial back your justifications about why your child isn't doing as well as her friend.

That's right. I never emphasized on that with DD. Because I don't believe "yes, mam" and obidient behavior are that important. I believe that what's more important is individuality, curiosity, creativity, imagination.

But my DD gets stickers for good behavior, not for thinking outside the box or being curious.

Yes, this is exactly what is going on. I am a teacher in a public school and this is what I find. I have taught in a number of other types of schools and they do value other things but in public schools is all about obedience. I hate it for my DC who is currently in one of these rigid environments but trust and believe I will be getting him out next year. Killing the spirit and the curiousity is terrible thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously though, why the false dichotomy here? Well-mannered =/= conventional. It's possible to be a creative thinker and an unconventional person who has decent manners, treats others well, and isn't disruptive in a classroom environment.

Because our school, and perhaps the society, doesn't recognize quiet, smart introverts. They recognize extroverts who are loud and visible and suck-up to the teachers.

The girl who won the award has good leadership qualities and is bright. But at the same time she's controlling and pushy. DD said she pushes her in the back in line if she walks slow, she doesn't let DD play with other children, is mean with her, yells at her for not playing the way she wants to play, etc. So I'm appalled she's getting a "good citizen" award.

It just shows me that the school is stupid and I can't count on the them to be fair, with my child or others and to stimulate their development. My daughter will always be overlooked, but any psychopath will get a lot of awards.

are you implying a kindergartner is a psychopath????!!!

Anonymous wrote:
I have high expectations of my child academically, I could not care less whether he wins the behavior awards or not in kindergarten.

I know, the same here, but I was hoping they would help me with the child's development by positively re-enforcing things like curiosity, interest, hard work, courage, etc. And now I have serious doubts that this is a thriving environment.

Anonymous wrote:
Seriously though, why the false dichotomy here? Well-mannered =/= conventional. It's possible to be a creative thinker and an unconventional person who has decent manners, treats others well, and isn't disruptive in a classroom environment.

Because our school, and perhaps the society, doesn't recognize quiet, smart introverts. They recognize extroverts who are loud and visible and suck-up to the teachers.

The girl who won the award has good leadership qualities and is bright. But at the same time she's controlling and pushy. DD said she pushes her in the back in line if she walks slow, she doesn't let DD play with other children, is mean with her, yells at her for not playing the way she wants to play, etc. So I'm appalled she's getting a "good citizen" award.

It just shows me that the school is stupid and I can't count on the them to be fair, with my child or others and to stimulate their development. My daughter will always be overlooked, but any psychopath will get a lot of awards.

Anonymous wrote:

From my personal observations I think I know the recipe of how to raise over-achieving kids, but that's not how I'm raising DD: Treat your kids like crap, criticize them and they'll spend an entire life trying to secure approval and praise from others and over-achieve to prove that they're actually good enough.

OP, you are sadly mistaken if you think that teaching your child good behavior is "treating them like crap." On the contrary, you are helping your child get along in the world.

OP can you elaborate why you don't feel it is important to teach manners? Manners go beyond yes and no sir. How about not interrupting, waiting your turn, sharing, holding the door open for someone, helping someone when they drop something or having trouble carrying things, standing up for someone when they are being bullied, speaking up and speaking out when it's right, having empathy, having compassion, saying you're sorry, admitting when you are wrong, looking someone in the eye when speaking to hem, answering a person and acknowledging their presence when spoken to (so many kids don't do this and it's terrible), telling the truth, using a kind voice, words and tone, not rolling your eyes, etc.........

Also just as important is to empower your child, especially a girl. Teach her if she wants to speak up, do (raise her hand, go to the teacher, etc). That being shy or being scared of getting in trouble is not an excuse for not saying anything. I tell my DD I can't always be there, you speak up for you, you can do it, and people will listen. Whether it's speaking up because she knows the answer in class or whether she is being bullied.

Last year I discovered my DD was in the lowest reading group, and I was crushed. I couldn't believe it. We had worked with her at home, my husband and I are both quite intelligent and had done very will in school, and I felt like a failure. It stung a bit to hear others saying their kids were on chapter books, etc and mine could barely read, at all. But I came to understand she is going at her own pace, and it's ok. We support her in and outside the classroom. She doesn't need to be the number one academic kid in class, but the number one her!

This is a great point. Kindergarten kids are really too young to be fighting the rules and standards. We are a family of hippies and non-conformists, but I expect my son to follow the rules of the classroom and be polite to the teachers. He will have plenty of time to find his own path, but I would be furious if he wandered away from a field trip because the rest of the kids are a bunch of sheep and rules are for suckers and non-thinkers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Those kids learn to believe in themselves, know themselves, value their uniqueness, and learn their own strengths and weaknesses instead of having someone else tell them what they are and who to be. Those kids have confidence in themselves and aren't crushed when people don't approve of them or life deals them a hard blow. Those kids go on to start businesses and run companies and control their own lives, they don't push pencils and spend their time building other people's dreams.

Unless their parents decide in Kindergarten it's more important for them to be in a principal's made-up club than it is for them to grow into their talents at their own pace.

OP, your DD is WONDERFUL. She is perfect in every respect, and will find her own talents in her own way when the time is right. Please don't start teaching her that she should have "proper manners" or please others. You never get ahead in life that way, but more importantly, you never find out who you are or all you're capable of that way.

Signed,

Former Queen of Proper Manners and People-Pleasing

Thank you for the kind post.

I agree with a lot of what is expressed in this post, but why the disdain for good manners? Being polite to others and respecting the needs of a group environment doesn't seem to me like it would hold someone back. Being overly concerned with "people-pleasing" could be a concern, but I've honestly never seen another situation where proper manners went in quotes and was something to be actively discouraged. Just because a child follows the basic rules of kindergarten and/or is learning to develop manners doesn't mean they don't also have the good traits from OP's posts and the above post.

Because her child Lillith Verdigris is not going to perform with the other soulless children who have been broken by convention!

Seriously though, why the false dichotomy here? Well-mannered =/= conventional. It's possible to be a creative thinker and an unconventional person who has decent manners, treats others well, and isn't disruptive in a classroom environment.

I'm not always the biggest fan of rewards-based methods for raising and educating children, and I do think sometimes the number of awards and such given in school can get excessive and become divisive rather than motivational. But I'm not sure why OP and a few others are not only opposed to recognizing those who consistently follow school rules with appropriate behavior but also seem hostile to even the existence of/need for such rules. Well behaved needn't = sheep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Those kids learn to believe in themselves, know themselves, value their uniqueness, and learn their own strengths and weaknesses instead of having someone else tell them what they are and who to be. Those kids have confidence in themselves and aren't crushed when people don't approve of them or life deals them a hard blow. Those kids go on to start businesses and run companies and control their own lives, they don't push pencils and spend their time building other people's dreams.

Unless their parents decide in Kindergarten it's more important for them to be in a principal's made-up club than it is for them to grow into their talents at their own pace.

OP, your DD is WONDERFUL. She is perfect in every respect, and will find her own talents in her own way when the time is right. Please don't start teaching her that she should have "proper manners" or please others. You never get ahead in life that way, but more importantly, you never find out who you are or all you're capable of that way.

Signed,

Former Queen of Proper Manners and People-Pleasing

Thank you for the kind post.

I agree with a lot of what is expressed in this post, but why the disdain for good manners? Being polite to others and respecting the needs of a group environment doesn't seem to me like it would hold someone back. Being overly concerned with "people-pleasing" could be a concern, but I've honestly never seen another situation where proper manners went in quotes and was something to be actively discouraged. Just because a child follows the basic rules of kindergarten and/or is learning to develop manners doesn't mean they don't also have the good traits from OP's posts and the above post.

Because her child Lillith Verdigris is not going to perform with the other soulless children who have been broken by convention!

I agree with pp. Total false dichotomy. A well-mannered child is not necessarily a noncreative sheep.

OP, you know what you value and you should focus on that. It is only when you want the rest of the society conforms to your view, that is when you starts to get upset. The biggest danger I see here is that your daughter may sense your unhappiness with the situation and starts to get a complex of her own.

I have high expectations of my child academically, I could not care less whether he wins the behavior awards or not in kindergarten. They really aren't important, at all. I am actually glad that he does not care when get the occasional yellow light. The teacher has to do that because of crowd control/class management issues. We don't have to care about them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Those kids learn to believe in themselves, know themselves, value their uniqueness, and learn their own strengths and weaknesses instead of having someone else tell them what they are and who to be. Those kids have confidence in themselves and aren't crushed when people don't approve of them or life deals them a hard blow. Those kids go on to start businesses and run companies and control their own lives, they don't push pencils and spend their time building other people's dreams.

Unless their parents decide in Kindergarten it's more important for them to be in a principal's made-up club than it is for them to grow into their talents at their own pace.

OP, your DD is WONDERFUL. She is perfect in every respect, and will find her own talents in her own way when the time is right. Please don't start teaching her that she should have "proper manners" or please others. You never get ahead in life that way, but more importantly, you never find out who you are or all you're capable of that way.

Signed,

Former Queen of Proper Manners and People-Pleasing

Thank you for the kind post.

I agree with a lot of what is expressed in this post, but why the disdain for good manners? Being polite to others and respecting the needs of a group environment doesn't seem to me like it would hold someone back. Being overly concerned with "people-pleasing" could be a concern, but I've honestly never seen another situation where proper manners went in quotes and was something to be actively discouraged. Just because a child follows the basic rules of kindergarten and/or is learning to develop manners doesn't mean they don't also have the good traits from OP's posts and the above post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teacher said there are several children eligible for awards, but unfortunately they can nominate one child at a time. So there will be more to come.

So I"m not concerned, she'll get that stupid award soon. The DD is above the K level academically and is always in the "green" behavior" and she gets gifts for that every week from the treasure box. Which I also don't approve of.

I just think that will make the kids as early as 5 have to start competing with other kids for teacher's awards and approval. I don't like that.

What does a 5 year old get an award for? Come on. This is not rocket science, they're not doing anything extraordinary.

OP, is there anything about the school you do like? Anything at all? Anything?

So far we have:

1. This other kid got an award for good behavior and my daughter didn't.
2. But the other kid doesn't deserve the award.
3. Also, awards are dumb.
4. And good behavior is for chumps.
5. Anyway, my daughter will soon get the same award for good behavior.

I think that sums it up perfectly. OP, homeschooling might be your best option. Otherwise you have a long road ahead of you. (As do all your child's current and future teachers, good lord.)

Yeah seriously OP...better stop caring right now. The only thing you should care about is this question:

"Is my child happy?"

There will always be people who are better at certain things than your child - and worse at others. Stop caring right now and focus on your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Those kids learn to believe in themselves, know themselves, value their uniqueness, and learn their own strengths and weaknesses instead of having someone else tell them what they are and who to be. Those kids have confidence in themselves and aren't crushed when people don't approve of them or life deals them a hard blow. Those kids go on to start businesses and run companies and control their own lives, they don't push pencils and spend their time building other people's dreams.

Unless their parents decide in Kindergarten it's more important for them to be in a principal's made-up club than it is for them to grow into their talents at their own pace.

OP, your DD is WONDERFUL. She is perfect in every respect, and will find her own talents in her own way when the time is right. Please don't start teaching her that she should have "proper manners" or please others. You never get ahead in life that way, but more importantly, you never find out who you are or all you're capable of that way.

Signed,

Former Queen of Proper Manners and People-Pleasing

Thank you for the kind post.