Anonymous wrote:

Oh, she has a physical disorder.


You are recommending that someone use this terminology in front of their own SN kid? I can tell that you:

(a) don't have a special-needs kid
(b) haven't read through this whole thread


You're right on (a) and not on (b).

15:57 here. I still can't help but be surprised that someone who read this entire thread, including the damaged chromosome/Julie Andrews interchange, would still make your suggestion. It should have been clear that those of us with special-needs kids don't feel like we need to repeat to every passerby (and, in this case, kids who are intentionally being mean) the nature of our child's condition. As OP pointed out, it hurts our children to make constant reference to it, and it hurts us, too. And yes, this happens constantly, hence the name of this thread.

When my daughter was small, I used to feel like I owed the whole world an explanation as to how she looked, and why she did (or couldn't do) certain things. Now I see that I did not, and do not, owe people this. She is who she is, and I do not have to explain her to anyone. She has as much right to be herself, just the way she is, as anyone else does. If people stare, or are made uncomfortable by her, it's their problem, not mine.

If people are kind, and show curiosity or concern in a non-judgmental way, I am happy to answer their questions. It's easy to tell when people, especially kids, are being this way. But, in this case, these children were trying to make fun. They did not deserve an explanation.

So, no. It's not the word "disorder" that bugs me--at least, not this time. It's your suggestion that an explanation was owed.

Other than your judgments about me, I agree with you entirely. And, like I said, I am happy to be educated.

Oh, she has a physical disorder.


You are recommending that someone use this terminology in front of their own SN kid? I can tell that you:

(a) don't have a special-needs kid
(b) haven't read through this whole thread


You're right on (a) and not on (b).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"

Oh, she has a physical disorder.

You are recommending that someone use this terminology in front of their own SN kid? I can tell that you:

(a) don't have a special-needs kid
(b) haven't read through this whole thread

You're right on (a) and not on (b). But I am happy to be educated, so please tell me why this is a bad thing to say. (I really mean that sincerely, not snarkily.) I would think the kid already knows s/he has something, so it's not like the parent wants to hide it from him/her. I suppose one could name the condition, but it seems like that's not necessary and isn't deserved by the rude asking kid. Is it the word "disorder" that's not good to use? What's the better term? "Condition"? And I take it from the rest of the thread that it's more than physical, but I don't think the rude kid deserves a complete answer.
I figured answering in front of the kid wasn't a problem, because a friend whose kid has muscular dystrophy handles other kids' questions that way. But maybe that's not for everyone.

Not PP, but how would you feel if anytime you were out in public, at the park or the grocery store, someone asked what was "wrong" with you? I bet you would be ashamed, embarrassed, and sick of the whole question. You'd be tired that other people felt that they deserved an explanation of the condition of your body and the way you live your life. The use of words like "disordered" or "disease" or "disability" would make you feel worse, because it focuses on what you can't do, instead of what you can do. It focuses on a flaw, rather than the whole package.

My child has an ASD. He stims in public. It is noticeable. He isn't harming anyone and we have a right to go out in public without being subject to intrusive questions from your kids. I never use the word "disorder" with my kid. I use the word "difference." He also has a high IQ, a nearly photographic memory, and extraordinary math skills. He taught himself to read (both decoding and comprehension) when he was 2. I won't call your child "disordered" because your child had to be taught to read and do math, so I don't appreciate you calling my child disordered because he has to be taught social skills.

PP you're responding to here: you don't have to be argumentative with me. I sincerely was asking. I get it. I would never, in a million years, call anyone else's kid "disordered". I have referred to myself as having a disorder, because it's true and I'm ok with it. But I am all for respecting what other people want to call themselves and their kids. So, it sounds like that word was what was "wrong" with what I said. For what it's worth, I see a big difference between having a specific disorder and "being" disordered. I have a physical disorder. But I'm not "disordered", if that makes any sense. But now I know that's a hurtful term -- good to know!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I appreciate your helpfulness especially as this thread has really gotten long! My opinion is it seems to me that you are trying to make an analogy like "A physical disorder is what is wrong with HER, now what is wrong with YOU." I guess my feeling with that is that I wouldn't embarrass my child that way...I wouldn't take her physical condition and turn it into some sort of battle cry. She's a sensitive child and I feel that she's entitled to privacy and dignity. Referring to her as having a "physical disorder" also makes me feel uncomfortable...I don't think of her in those terms. She's disabled but she's very healthy, stunningly beautiful and extremely happy. I hate it when people think of our life as sad, worthy of pity, or "disordered."

Also, I don't think I would say to a kid, even a mean kid, what's wrong with you? It's just too confrontational and it doesn't let the child know specifically what the problem is with meanness.

I llike the suggestions to say simply "That's a mean girl question" or words to that effect. I think this is helpful.

You know what, I haven't had this problem in the last several weeks and maybe there has been a DCUM effect?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"

Oh, she has a physical disorder.

You are recommending that someone use this terminology in front of their own SN kid? I can tell that you:

(a) don't have a special-needs kid
(b) haven't read through this whole thread

You're right on (a) and not on (b). But I am happy to be educated, so please tell me why this is a bad thing to say. (I really mean that sincerely, not snarkily.) I would think the kid already knows s/he has something, so it's not like the parent wants to hide it from him/her. I suppose one could name the condition, but it seems like that's not necessary and isn't deserved by the rude asking kid. Is it the word "disorder" that's not good to use? What's the better term? "Condition"? And I take it from the rest of the thread that it's more than physical, but I don't think the rude kid deserves a complete answer.
I figured answering in front of the kid wasn't a problem, because a friend whose kid has muscular dystrophy handles other kids' questions that way. But maybe that's not for everyone.

Not PP, but how would you feel if anytime you were out in public, at the park or the grocery store, someone asked what was "wrong" with you? I bet you would be ashamed, embarrassed, and sick of the whole question. You'd be tired that other people felt that they deserved an explanation of the condition of your body and the way you live your life. The use of words like "disordered" or "disease" or "disability" would make you feel worse, because it focuses on what you can't do, instead of what you can do. It focuses on a flaw, rather than the whole package.

My child has an ASD. He stims in public. It is noticeable. He isn't harming anyone and we have a right to go out in public without being subject to intrusive questions from your kids. I never use the word "disorder" with my kid. I use the word "difference." He also has a high IQ, a nearly photographic memory, and extraordinary math skills. He taught himself to read (both decoding and comprehension) when he was 2. I won't call your child "disordered" because your child had to be taught to read and do math, so I don't appreciate you calling my child disordered because he has to be taught social skills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"

Oh, she has a physical disorder.

You are recommending that someone use this terminology in front of their own SN kid? I can tell that you:

(a) don't have a special-needs kid
(b) haven't read through this whole thread

You're right on (a) and not on (b). But I am happy to be educated, so please tell me why this is a bad thing to say. (I really mean that sincerely, not snarkily.) I would think the kid already knows s/he has something, so it's not like the parent wants to hide it from him/her. I suppose one could name the condition, but it seems like that's not necessary and isn't deserved by the rude asking kid. Is it the word "disorder" that's not good to use? What's the better term? "Condition"? And I take it from the rest of the thread that it's more than physical, but I don't think the rude kid deserves a complete answer.
I figured answering in front of the kid wasn't a problem, because a friend whose kid has muscular dystrophy handles other kids' questions that way. But maybe that's not for everyone.

Anonymous wrote:"

Oh, she has a physical disorder.

You are recommending that someone use this terminology in front of their own SN kid? I can tell that you:

(a) don't have a special-needs kid
(b) haven't read through this whole thread

Oh, she has a physical disorder.

Anonymous wrote:I would scold them nicely. You look to be older than "x" and should know that isn't a nice comment. We are members at this pool and my daughter loves coming here. I hope next time we run into you, you will be more polite.