OP, have you ever considered that you might not be the only "girlfriend" out there. Maybe do a little snooping on your own and see if you can find someone else. I guy that does this and lies like this only does this with confidence because he is a repeat offender. I would bet in the 3.5 yrs you have been with him he has had another little filly on the side.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in love with a man who married Andi just found out I'm pregnant i want to leave him but I'm in love for first time and I'm forty how do I fall out of love not only all that he put everything I mean everything before me I come last in Hi book but he says he loves me

Keep the baby and lose the father of the baby.

Your baby will love you for real. Put your baby first. And she/he will do the same.

I agree, most men are dirt balls. Your kids will always be there, you will always have a family and someday grand kids. Talk to older women married or divorced, most will confirm what I posted.

Anonymous wrote:Since this is Anonymous I can be completely honest. I unfortunately slept with him in the summer. I cut off all sex in July. I stupidly thought we could be friends. But we can't. I love him so much. I know the chemistry we have.... I am stupid around him. I have lost more than 50 lbs since the break up. I miss him.
He filed a few months ago. We were in contact up until October. I then changed my phone number. He still sends me flowers and write me love letters and tells me i am the love of his life.

Did you look it up in family court cases online to confirm it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am in love with a man who married Andi just found out I'm pregnant i want to leave him but I'm in love for first time and I'm forty how do I fall out of love not only all that he put everything I mean everything before me I come last in Hi book but he says he loves me

Keep the baby and lose the father of the baby.

Your baby will love you for real. Put your baby first. And she/he will do the same.

If your 40 and this is your first child it maybe your last chance to have kids. Keep the kid if you really do want kids. Dump him and let his wife know too, and take him to court for child support. He shouldn't get away clean for bringing a child in this world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

You know what will make this really easy on you and you will see him for who he really is.....Tell his wife, and give proof of the 3.5 year affair so he can't deny it to her and call you crazy. After that he will turn on you and you will see a side of him you have never seen before. This will soften the blow of you separating yourself from him when you see who you are really dealing with. I have had several family members and friends who have been cheated on long term and they are pissed when they find out other knew and didn't have the decency to tell them. It may be hard for her coming from you but in the end she will be glad she knew. Would have probably been better to tell before she had this recent child but she will be glad to know. Get out of her way after cause unless she is really smart and reasonable she isn't going to have many kind words for you either.

Anonymous wrote:I am in love with a man who married Andi just found out I'm pregnant i want to leave him but I'm in love for first time and I'm forty how do I fall out of love not only all that he put everything I mean everything before me I come last in Hi book but he says he loves me

Keep the baby and lose the father of the baby.

Your baby will love you for real. Put your baby first. And she/he will do the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:3.5 yrs is not an infatuation.

No, it's not an infatuation but that he isn't divorced by now indicates you didn't fall in love with the person he is, you love the person you thought he was.

Agree with the PPs that moving on is an action. Cut all contact.

Sorry OP. Heartbreak.

I'm marrying a man who was been cheated on by his ex. It has scarred him. The intensity of my love for him and my devotion is overwriting a lot of his fears,

Im sorry for your loss. He was not honest with you from the start......

Anonymous wrote:Let his wife know.

Cut contact.

Do some self reflection about who you want to be as a person. Do you want to be the third wheel in a marriage? Do you want to be other woman? Do you want to contribute to another woman's devastation - seeing as you are helping her husband cheat and lie and deceive her?

If you were married, how would you view the other woman who knowingly was sleeping with your husband?

You are in love with someone who lies, cheats, deceives and betrays those he loves. Is that really the kind of person who want to be with?

The other thread about the woman who's cheating... advice was "mind your own business" and be a good friend by listening.... Why "let his wife know" now that its a guy who is cheating?

I am in love with a man who married Andi just found out I'm pregnant i want to leave him but I'm in love for first time and I'm forty how do I fall out of love not only all that he put everything I mean everything before me I come last in Hi book but he says he loves me

You think of him as dead. Grieve. He is dead to you but do not waste too much time because he is scum and if he did it with you, he will do it to you. Find someone worthy of you.

Anonymous wrote:Number 1 (and most important thing) cut of all contact.
Delete all numbers etc that you have for them
Delete all texts, emails, or any other communications with them (so you aren't tempted to go back and read them)
If none of your gfs know the situation, tell one (or however many) that you trust the most so you have someone to talk to.

You can do it OP

NP here. I agree with everything that you have written here, except, telling a GF. You do not even want to discuss him with anyone. The more you discuss the more you will dwell.

Give it 6 months to be totally over him. In the meanwhile, remove yourself from social media too.

Anonymous wrote:OP, just something to think about. My DH was separated when we started dating. He was divorced within six months. "Separated" can mean many different things. If the guy you are in love with has been "separated" for over three years, he isn't in love with you like you are with him. There is a reason he is still in his marriage. Obviously he is still sleeping with his wife, thus the baby. He's playing you. It sucks. I'm sorry you are hurting. But don't waste another minute of your life with this guy.

This. Don't beat yourself up for the contact OP. But realize you will need some time with no contact at all before you can even consider being his friend and moving on. Unfortunately you are probably just kinda holding your breath and waiting for his divorce to be final. You may not be able to move on until it is and you guys try a relationship and then it doesn't work out. Do that if you must, just be careful not to get pregnant.

Thank you. So funny this thread was brought up and I came here. I rare, y co e to this section anymore.

Anonymous wrote:Since this is Anonymous I can be completely honest. I unfortunately slept with him in the summer. I cut off all sex in July. I stupidly thought we could be friends. But we can't. I love him so much. I know the chemistry we have.... I am stupid around him. I have lost more than 50 lbs since the break up. I miss him.
He filed a few months ago. We were in contact up until October. I then changed my phone number. He still sends me flowers and write me love letters and tells me i am the love of his life.

Ok, well, he needs to leave you alone until the divorce is final. If you're the love of his life, he can make that sacrifice for you, rather than dragging you through his divorce mess. When he's truly free, you can be together. Seems like something he should be willing to do. Life is not a movie, and all this drama is not good for your health.

OP, just something to think about. My DH was separated when we started dating. He was divorced within six months. "Separated" can mean many different things. If the guy you are in love with has been "separated" for over three years, he isn't in love with you like you are with him. There is a reason he is still in his marriage. Obviously he is still sleeping with his wife, thus the baby. He's playing you. It sucks. I'm sorry you are hurting. But don't waste another minute of your life with this guy.