Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:39
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Sabrina55 wrote:Anonymous wrote:You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.
I am always thinking of my children and anyone that knows me knows that I put them before myself. I was told so many times how it bothered him that I put them before him, so how could I expect him to put me before his family. I was trying to weigh everything, the contribution he was giving helped enough so they could have some extra's instead of that money going to the other half of the electric bill, that is also why we are still in this house because they love it and after what they have been through I did not want to have to move them out of the house they have known their whole life. I am realizing more now, that is why I am doing this.
So it is better for them to stay in the house and see their mom treated like crap? Ok then. You need therapy to work on your issues.
Sabrina55
08/06/2013 20:36
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Anonymous wrote:Best wishes OP. change is hard even when it's for the best.
You sound like a very caring person and you will find someone who is worthy.
Thank you, I hope your right.
Sabrina55
08/06/2013 20:35
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Anonymous wrote:You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.
I am always thinking of my children and anyone that knows me knows that I put them before myself. I was told so many times how it bothered him that I put them before him, so how could I expect him to put me before his family. I was trying to weigh everything, the contribution he was giving helped enough so they could have some extra's instead of that money going to the other half of the electric bill, that is also why we are still in this house because they love it and after what they have been through I did not want to have to move them out of the house they have known their whole life. I am realizing more now, that is why I am doing this.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:31
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Best wishes OP. change is hard even when it's for the best.
You sound like a very caring person and you will find someone who is worthy.
You sound like a very caring person and you will find someone who is worthy.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:27
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
You make zero references to your children and I find that really sad. Do you not care how they are seeing their mom being treated? Do you not care that you aren't setting a good example for them? All I've heard is ME ME ME...not what is best for you children.
Sabrina55
08/06/2013 20:25
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you aren't even DIVORCED yet. Please, give yourself time to heal from what your ex did to you as well as your medical problems. Enjoy some time with your children. Get stronger and find someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated.
What my ex did was 2 years before we even started dating, I'm as healed as I am gonna get from that and the medical problems aren't going away.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:24
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
OP, put aside your own feelings for a moment (rather be alone vs not feeling like you are important) and think about the impact this has on your CHILDREN. Do you think raising them in an environment where there mom is disrespected and treated like she is not important is healthy for them?! No, it will damage them and any future relationship you can hope to have.
Do this for you, but more importantly, DO THIS FOR THEM. Finalize your divorce and spend some time with your kids teaching them how to be a strong, independent person who doesn't put up with being treated like crap.
Do this for you, but more importantly, DO THIS FOR THEM. Finalize your divorce and spend some time with your kids teaching them how to be a strong, independent person who doesn't put up with being treated like crap.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:24
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Well, if you decide you would rather be with an asshole than alone, I have some great news for you - there are plenty of assholes out there!
You might also want to consider your kids too though - they might be better off with you single than with an asshole.
You might also want to consider your kids too though - they might be better off with you single than with an asshole.
Sabrina55
08/06/2013 20:23
Subject: Re:What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Anonymous wrote:Good for you OP. I know it hurt to see him react that way but it shows you how little he cared, right?
I guess, he says he loves me but is not around to support someone else's kids. I find that hysterical since he was not even covering his usage here.
Sabrina55
08/06/2013 20:20
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Anonymous wrote:I'm still not entirely sure this is a real post considering how OP went from a totally spineless, "I deserve to be treated like this" mentality to "I showed him this thread and he is leaving" fairly quickly.
If it is true, please hold your ground. Think about the example you are setting for your children, who seem like they are old enough to pick up on this. Do you really want them raised in this type of environment? It's a terrible example of how to be treated and how to treat someone who you "love".
I have no idea to prove that I am real, any suggestions?? This has been an ongoing issue for a while and I have been building resentment from this and other issues, I was just trying to stick the financial aspect of it. He has been staying at parents for a little bit so this was not out of the blue. I showed him this thread because like I said I wanted to be as honest as possible and get real feedback on how to handle this and show him that it is not me being greedy and how looking at our situation from the outside of what is fair and right and get ideas of how other people handle these type of issues. I don't know anyone with a blended family and have no idea the fair way to handle it, so it wasn't that I felt I deserved to be treated this way, I feel manipulated into thinking that I was wrong for wanting more, and out of love, let it go. That is why I even put the 44% from my tenant because I wanted it to be as accurate as possible to get honest opinions. I love him and wanted to spend the rest of my life with him and I am not sure I would rather be alone then to not feel that I am not more important to him than money. I always cave and either way I lose.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:01
Subject: Re:What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Good for you OP. I know it hurt to see him react that way but it shows you how little he cared, right?
Anonymous
08/06/2013 20:00
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
OP, you aren't even DIVORCED yet. Please, give yourself time to heal from what your ex did to you as well as your medical problems. Enjoy some time with your children. Get stronger and find someone who treats you how you deserve to be treated.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 19:58
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
I'm still not entirely sure this is a real post considering how OP went from a totally spineless, "I deserve to be treated like this" mentality to "I showed him this thread and he is leaving" fairly quickly.
If it is true, please hold your ground. Think about the example you are setting for your children, who seem like they are old enough to pick up on this. Do you really want them raised in this type of environment? It's a terrible example of how to be treated and how to treat someone who you "love".
If it is true, please hold your ground. Think about the example you are setting for your children, who seem like they are old enough to pick up on this. Do you really want them raised in this type of environment? It's a terrible example of how to be treated and how to treat someone who you "love".
Anonymous
08/06/2013 19:54
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Sorry OP. I know you are hurting, but ultimately you will grow stronger. Good luck.
Anonymous
08/06/2013 19:47
Subject: What is a fair contribution from Fiance living in my house?
Sabrina55 wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Since OP is still around, I will assume this is for real, but as a divorced mother of 2, I’m having trouble believing it.
I’m especially concerned that you are not reading and understanding what EVERY PP has said to you. This isn’t a close call. This is a situation where you are clinging to someone who has said, not beating around the bush, at all…that he’s not looking to be your partner in life and he’s not even interested in being a parental figure to your kids. I get that they have a father, and maybe you don’t need/want that extent of a relationship…but they will be part of his “family,” should you get married (which I concur is a horrific idea!!!!!!!!!). You can get laughs and some good sex from another guy. And maybe, just maybe, that guy will treat you properly, want to take care of you (even if you don’t let him or want that) and will want to love your kids and have your kids show love back. I would run for the hills from any guy who doesn’t view my kids as a wonderful asset to our lives. Putting the very strange financial arrangements aside, I’m concerned that you want to be with (and live with!) a man that doesn’t want to be a family with you. This is troubling. I cringe thinking about these financial discussions. That’s not your biggest problem though. This is not the right guy for you, on any level. Please consider talking to a neutral 3rd party who can help you to understand that this is not good for you.
I’m wondering, but scared to know the answer – how old are your kids and what do they think of the guy?
I am real and every single word of what I have posted has been true. I may be naive, I may want to believe that when someone tells me they love me they mean it, just because I always try to do right by everyone, does not mean that anyone else will also. I would never cause someone pain for my own benefit and wanted to believe that no one would do that to me, does not me. I have always tried to look for the good in people. Thank you to everyone that responded it has been a heartbreaking eye opener.
Oh, OP. He may mean it when he says he loves you. Narcissistic and selfish assholes can love too (so can serial killers, physical abusers, and molesters). But that doesn't mean it's not abusive, unhealthy or just plain wrong. I'm glad this is an eye opener for you - and trust me when I say that the heartbreak you're feeling now is nothing to the heartbreak you'll feel in the future if you stay with him. Good luck.
OP...Well, I showed him how everyone thinks and all the feed back I got today and told him that it is not fair and he should not be living here rent free and wanted him to chip in a fair percent. He said no and packed up a truck full of stuff and is coming back for the rest, said he feels used cause what do I even do to show him I love him anyway.
So he is gone already? That tells you how much he loved you. I know this hurts, but this is good for you, OP.