Anonymous
06/30/2013 16:50
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Poster from the huge family in the Deep South again.
Was thinking about the points raised about the varying degrees of poverty and education as a way out.
One of my college roommates was the product of an affair (her mom had sex with a man in the neighborhood who promised to help take care of her other kids). Her mom was an illiterate, single mom who grew up sharecropping as a child.
She worked as a maid to make ends meet. The family had no power or running water. My friend remembers stealing water from the neighbors when they left for work. The kids would snag the garden hose and fill up the sink. They often went to bed hungry and cold. The man down the street never fulfilled his promise to help feed the kids and didn't acknowledge her as his daughter until he was on her deathbed. By then, my friend, who later taught her mother to read, put herself through undergrad, law school, and was working in the state AG's office let him know exactly where he was heading when he died.
For all of us, my friend, me, my DH (whose mother slept outside of the city's sole public school for gifted kids to make sure his name was first on the list for slots), education was critical. So was having parents who cared and fought for education and well being. We also had members of the community who took an interest and cared. That's not to say that always works or it's a magic solution. A childhood friend who also grew up poor had a brother who was smart and good hearted. He was shot to death at 16 when he tried to stop another neighbor from beating his wife and kids.
We were all the lucky ones who people looked out for and who made it out.
Was thinking about the points raised about the varying degrees of poverty and education as a way out.
One of my college roommates was the product of an affair (her mom had sex with a man in the neighborhood who promised to help take care of her other kids). Her mom was an illiterate, single mom who grew up sharecropping as a child.
She worked as a maid to make ends meet. The family had no power or running water. My friend remembers stealing water from the neighbors when they left for work. The kids would snag the garden hose and fill up the sink. They often went to bed hungry and cold. The man down the street never fulfilled his promise to help feed the kids and didn't acknowledge her as his daughter until he was on her deathbed. By then, my friend, who later taught her mother to read, put herself through undergrad, law school, and was working in the state AG's office let him know exactly where he was heading when he died.
For all of us, my friend, me, my DH (whose mother slept outside of the city's sole public school for gifted kids to make sure his name was first on the list for slots), education was critical. So was having parents who cared and fought for education and well being. We also had members of the community who took an interest and cared. That's not to say that always works or it's a magic solution. A childhood friend who also grew up poor had a brother who was smart and good hearted. He was shot to death at 16 when he tried to stop another neighbor from beating his wife and kids.
We were all the lucky ones who people looked out for and who made it out.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 16:15
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you have HBO GO they have some great documentaries
Motel kids - kids growing up in motels outside Disney. Some kids usedto be hhomeless.
American Winter - families not able to pay or struggle to pay the electric. One family lives with out water, electric etc. They collect rain water, shower at friends home and run an extension cord to a neighbor for light.
I can't think of others names but they are eye opening. And yes I grew up poor. I posted on here a few pages back. (I ate the pasta from art class cause I was hungry). So now as an adult I know it could have been worse. For the most part we always had a roof over our heads.
Oh, my God, after reading this thread and recently a book about Holocaust, I feel so ashamed that I have ever complained about anything in my life.
Half of the world population is hungry and doesn't have access to fresh water all the time. I'm so blessed to have food, clothes, shelter, and running water in the house. I'm so blessed to have good health and access to doctors if me or my loved ones get sick. I thank God every day for everything and for every meal.
What's the most effective way to help poor families? Food pantry? Items passed through the teacher? What's the best way?
Thank you so much for asking. Yes, please do donate to food pantries and to programs that feed kids during the summer. So many kids miss out on meals when school lets out.
And please don't just put things out on the curb (clothes, furniture, etc...) and post on a neighborhood listserv that they're there. Breaks my heart whenever I see my very well intentioned and super liberal neighbors do this. There are people in real need of those things. Please donate them to charities that work with poor families and abuse shelters.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 16:01
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:
While its not a contest, more people should know what it really, truly means to be amongst the working poor in society. It is not about keeping up with the Joneses, but rather - surviving.
So you think people who had some food don't truly know what it means to be poor? I beg to differ. Yes, there are different degrees of poverty, but it's about the basics. I'm not talking about buying shoes from the latest collection to keep up with Joneses, I'm talking about having any shoes that actually fit, having shampoo to wash hair, having clothes that were not adult hand me downs circa 1960, not being able to go to a dentist, eating crap because there is not money for meat or fruit. This is poverty as well.
Again, this is not a contest, people are just sharing their experience.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 15:43
Subject: If you grew up poor...
While its not a contest, more people should know what it really, truly means to be amongst the working poor in society. It is not about keeping up with the Joneses, but rather - surviving.
It seems peculiar to me that so few people are poor at choosing their battles, for instance.
If they had any sense of what loss really means (ex: losing a parent young; not having proper health insurance and having huge, unavoidable health expenses) they would choose their battles in life far more carefully. I mean, the things that adults bully other adults about - really??!!
There is so much more common sense to be had. Some people have no idea.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 15:16
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Sorry, should say 1986, not 1896. There were a lot of people with outhouses in 1896.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 15:15
Subject: If you grew up poor...
I grew up poor. But we were farm poor, which raises different issues. We always had food to eat, but we had to work at hard labor from an early age. I was in charge of carrying firewood for our stove, our only source of heat, at age 5. I was also working in the garden for hours a day by then.
My grandma had an outhouse until 1896. I remember the smell. And doing our wash with a washboard, hanging on the line to dry. Waking up in the morning to the water in my sugar crystal science project frozen solid next to my bed. Driving by the welfare kids, who always had so many more toys than we did. They used to make fun of our clothes and my speech impediment.
I do worry my son is spoiled but DH, who grew up UMC, says we are strict. I don't know but I roll with it. He just has so many fewer responsibilities than I did, not sure it is enough.
My grandma had an outhouse until 1896. I remember the smell. And doing our wash with a washboard, hanging on the line to dry. Waking up in the morning to the water in my sugar crystal science project frozen solid next to my bed. Driving by the welfare kids, who always had so many more toys than we did. They used to make fun of our clothes and my speech impediment.
I do worry my son is spoiled but DH, who grew up UMC, says we are strict. I don't know but I roll with it. He just has so many fewer responsibilities than I did, not sure it is enough.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 14:24
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:
Prior poster here. I just wanted to thank the posters who grew up really (truly) poor, without the basics - and are sharing their stories.
Maybe, just maybe, it might shed some light on what it truly means to be poor. For those who complain about not being able to get their hair done. Wow. This really burns me up, to know there are people who are so clueless.
This is not a competition for who was the poorest.
People struggled in different ways. Not being able to have a decent haircut or having decent clothes, especially at a time when you wanted to be liked by boys, really had an effect on me. Oh, and the lousy food we were eating made me overweight. I felt unattractive, unworthy of someone's attention and hopeless.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 14:12
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:If you have HBO GO they have some great documentaries
Motel kids - kids growing up in motels outside Disney. Some kids usedto be hhomeless.
American Winter - families not able to pay or struggle to pay the electric. One family lives with out water, electric etc. They collect rain water, shower at friends home and run an extension cord to a neighbor for light.
I can't think of others names but they are eye opening. And yes I grew up poor. I posted on here a few pages back. (I ate the pasta from art class cause I was hungry). So now as an adult I know it could have been worse. For the most part we always had a roof over our heads.
Oh, my God, after reading this thread and recently a book about Holocaust, I feel so ashamed that I have ever complained about anything in my life.
Half of the world population is hungry and doesn't have access to fresh water all the time. I'm so blessed to have food, clothes, shelter, and running water in the house. I'm so blessed to have good health and access to doctors if me or my loved ones get sick. I thank God every day for everything and for every meal.
What's the most effective way to help poor families? Food pantry? Items passed through the teacher? What's the best way?
Anonymous
06/30/2013 14:01
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Prior poster here. I just wanted to thank the posters who grew up really (truly) poor, without the basics - and are sharing their stories.
Maybe, just maybe, it might shed some light on what it truly means to be poor. For those who complain about not being able to get their hair done. Wow. This really burns me up, to know there are people who are so clueless.
If your parents had a decent, predictable, steady job with benefits - you actually had fresh food, clean water, clean clothes, and a roof over your head - you don't know how lucky you had it. In fact, I meet people as an adult that have these things and still complain. Despicable.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 12:46
Subject: If you grew up poor...
"I think there are two kinds of people who don't have much empathy or compassion for the poor: 1) people who don't have much empathy or compassion for others (these people often can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps because they have no problem stepping on others to get ahead); 2) people who lack exposure to poor people and how they live (these people a just unaware, they might not realize that a classmate of their child comes to school everyday without having eating a proper dinner the night before). "
Yes, saw both kinds in church this morning!
Yes, saw both kinds in church this morning!
Anonymous
06/30/2013 12:42
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:"I think those who have experienced poverty themselves have a special empathy and compassion for others in the same position that people who have never wanted for anything will ever really understand"
Wish this were true, but it's not always the case.
Yes, I have also heard -- Well, I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps, so why can't you?
I think there are two kinds of people who don't have much empathy or compassion for the poor: 1) people who don't have much empathy or compassion for others (these people often can pull themselves up by their own bootstraps because they have no problem stepping on others to get ahead); 2) people who lack exposure to poor people and how they live (these people a just unaware, they might not realize that a classmate of their child comes to school everyday without having eating a proper dinner the night before).
Anonymous
06/30/2013 12:41
Subject: If you grew up poor...
If you have HBO GO they have some great documentaries
Motel kids - kids growing up in motels outside Disney. Some kids usedto be hhomeless.
American Winter - families not able to pay or struggle to pay the electric. One family lives with out water, electric etc. They collect rain water, shower at friends home and run an extension cord to a neighbor for light.
I can't think of others names but they are eye opening. And yes I grew up poor. I posted on here a few pages back. (I ate the pasta from art class cause I was hungry). So now as an adult I know it could have been worse. For the most part we always had a roof over our heads.
Motel kids - kids growing up in motels outside Disney. Some kids usedto be hhomeless.
American Winter - families not able to pay or struggle to pay the electric. One family lives with out water, electric etc. They collect rain water, shower at friends home and run an extension cord to a neighbor for light.
I can't think of others names but they are eye opening. And yes I grew up poor. I posted on here a few pages back. (I ate the pasta from art class cause I was hungry). So now as an adult I know it could have been worse. For the most part we always had a roof over our heads.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 12:37
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:"I think those who have experienced poverty themselves have a special empathy and compassion for others in the same position that people who have never wanted for anything will ever really understand"
Wish this were true, but it's not always the case.
Yes, I have also heard -- Well, I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps, so why can't you?
Anonymous
06/30/2013 12:34
Subject: If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:* all of 4th and 5th grade we didnt have power.
* qualified for free lunch and like you OP would never get te lunch because then people would know.
*all thru HS we lived,literally, in a shack with roaches, rats and no AC or heat
* I never went to a single event in HS, including prom because there wasnt money to, and I was ashamed of my clothes
* I spent so many nights going to bed hungry that I push food on my DC. I'm so paranoid he might be hungry that now he's about 10lbs overweight
* as an adult I'm a terrible hoarder of things I never had as a kid- toothpaste, deodorant, soap/shampoo and feminine products being my biggest hoards
Where did you live? What are your circumstances like now? What about your siblings? Parents?
I grew up in Texas and Florida. Texas we were poor, in Florida we were dirt poor. My father just one day decided he didn't want to work anymore and so he didnt. I got a job at 15, but it went to help pay the bills.
It's been 25 yrs since I've spoken or seen my father and close to 10 for my mother. I am by no means wealthy, but I do very well and my DC has never known what hungry or cold or scared feels like. He is heavily spoiled. I keep telling myself I need to scale back on material things for him, and then the little girl me rears her head and I can't help it and buy whatever his heart desires
Your son is no better off than that little girl. You are doing him a terrible disservice. I assume you appreciate what you have now, no? I doubt that a child growing up being given everything "his heart desires" will ever truly appreciate anything. Why not try to correct that before it's too late?
Because when your entire childhood is colored with memories of crying yourself to sleep from hunger, or only being allowed one shower a week because water was too expensive, when you are wearing clothes you found in the dumpster and swatting at rats as big as a cat in the kitchen with a broom, these things become your identity. The threads of poverty run deep in the tapestry of my life. My little boy has more food available to him than I had in a months time as a kid, he has heat and air conditioning, toys,electronics and experiences I never dreamed of. He is living the childhood I always wanted. I am a GOOD mom. Even if I have spoiled my son.
Np
I do not doubt you are a good mom, but spoiling him is not good FOR him.
He need character education as much as he needs food and water.
I say this as a person who grew up in a single family home that struggled as well.
I also understand that the legacy of lack you are dealing with is going to hurt ur child if you do not deal with ur own pain.
Anonymous
06/30/2013 12:27
Subject: Re:If you grew up poor...
Anonymous wrote:My dad losing his job right before Christmas with 4 kids at home including a baby; and some nice lady delivered a bunch of toys for Christmas.
My mom scraping together some change to buy some scrap chicken bones from the local butcher to boil down and make soup for us to eat.
Mixing one can of Cambell's condensed soup with 2 cans of water. I thought that was how you made soup. Now I know that is how you stretch a can of soup to make lunch for 5 kids.
Sleeping 4 girls in one 9x10 room with 2 bunk beds, but everyone slept on the floor during the summer because it was so hot without AC
My mom borrowing my babysitting money to make the bills, house payment, electric, etc.
Getting McDonalds once a month was a treat. So was the week we got to pick out the cereal.
Things ebbed and flowed between poverty and not so poor depending on whether or not my dad had a job. I remember during one of the "up" times, my best friend's mom was going through a terrible divorce from her truly awful husband. She had no money; no food, and 4 kids. I had a sleepover at my friend's house, and when my mom picked me up she came with about a month's worth of groceries. I remember my mom and older sister bringing in bag after bag of food, while my friend's mom cried and her kids climbed on the table, pulling out food, shouting with excitement. My mom didn't make a production of it; no one besides us and them knew she did this.
I think those who have experienced poverty themselves have a special empathy and compassion for others in the same position that people who have never wanted for anything will ever really understand. I try to impress this compassion on my kids, but when you live a comfortable life that is a difficult lesson to learn.
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