its one thing to "admit" something from you past involving a woman (threesome, bondage, whatever), however i would think that coming out and saying you had a few experiences with men is an entirely different thing.

the concern i imagine from a womens perspective (im a man) i assume would be that said man will want to return and get satisfaction from a man that he is unable to get from his now wife or gf. in that instance, there is nothing the woman could do to "change" because shes not a man.

i imagine that such a concern is real and not made up or is something against gays. its the fact that a guy was sought satisfaction from another man, shes obviously not one, so in the back of her head she has to "compete" with that or at least worry about it. that can mess with your head.

i guess you can get pass the acts themselves, but that doesnt change the fact that you worry that he may want to venture off again and seek that satisfaction from a man.

It wasn't until a PP laid out the whole "why would a gay guy be trying to sleep with a woman" point that I realized he was saying what is pertinent here. If you're "in the closet" and gay, you don't tell people you had experiences with men in the past. You sure as hell don't admit to gay sex and then force yourself to marry a woman. Once you've told someone that you've had sex with a man, you're okay to go pursue men. It makes no sense that a truly gay man would be in this situation.

I a personal case in point.

My stupid sister dumped a guy because he admitted (after a few drinks) that when he was in college he had a roommate that was gay and he would let him give him head when he was in a dry spell with girls. Needless to say, my sister flipped out and called him gay and broke off the year long relationship. She could not be with a man who was secretly gay she said. Our entire family (so embarrassing to him, right?) tried to tell her that he wasn't "secretly gay" and that he had admitted to what he did. Part of the reason we were fighting for him was because he had already told us he was planning to ask her to marry him that spring. My dad and mom were a little weirded out about the admission of her boyfriend, but were wililng to forgive him. After all, he was in love with a girl that was their daughter. The past didn't matter said my parents (my mom was married before may parents got together and she has always felt shameful about it, but my dad never really cared). My sister wouldn't budge - like the rest of you, she swore she wouldn't waste her time with some closeted fag.

Fast forward two month from the big gay breakup. My sister gets in an altercation with one of her close friends at bar in Arlington because said friend was escorted to the bar by the "closeted gay" exboyfriend. Turns out that his gayness of his one college semester hadn't reemerged from hiding and he pursued yet another female. My sister for some reason really thought he was gay because of that one semester. He's not gay. He's now married to that friend with child #2 expected any day now.

a lot of you are dumb like my sister.

guy here.

im not sure where most of these men who say it was "common" come from because that has never been my experience. in no way am i saying that my lone experience trumps others. its just odd its only in this "family" forum is where i commonly find all these threads about DL husbands speaking of it as "common".

im not naive where i am amazed that the DL thing is real. its really more the comments about it being common or popular as some phase that gets me most. again,it wasnt my experience, nor did i hear of secret meeting among men doing these things as i gre up, went to college, etc etc.

i guess to big push to make it as it was some phase or widely popular is some peoples way of excusing/explaining/denying their true feelings somehow.

i dont know.

^^ Sorry, straight male here- no homo experiences. Liking my label!

Labels

Anonymous wrote:Um, if you are going to give advice to teens, you might urge them to practice safe sex regardless of who they sleep with... because even 100% heterosexual men and women can have HIV. It's not just a disease of men who have sex with men.

Um, that's a no Brainer dumbass. You're not just a secret gay, you're a jackass too? Really awful for your wife.

Anonymous wrote:So I'm torn because on the one hand people are right that being with a dude is gay. On the 1-5 totally straight to totally gay scale, I'm a solid 1. It's innate. I was born this way, etc. When a playmate tried to show me his erection I was freaked out and disgusted and went straight home. But when a girl playmate offered show me yours and I'll show you mine that seemed like a pretty good deal.

On the other hand, what's with the people being so afraid of a dude that's had some gay experience in his past? You'd dump your DH for that? Really? Do you think it's catching? Any other things from the past that you'd tear your family apart over?

Gaydar high alert! You are not straight!

So I'm torn because on the one hand people are right that being with a dude is gay. On the 1-5 totally straight to totally gay scale, I'm a solid 1. It's innate. I was born this way, etc. When a playmate tried to show me his erection I was freaked out and disgusted and went straight home. But when a girl playmate offered show me yours and I'll show you mine that seemed like a pretty good deal.

On the other hand, what's with the people being so afraid of a dude that's had some gay experience in his past? You'd dump your DH for that? Really? Do you think it's catching? Any other things from the past that you'd tear your family apart over?

Um, if you are going to give advice to teens, you might urge them to practice safe sex regardless of who they sleep with... because even 100% heterosexual men and women can have HIV. It's not just a disease of men who have sex with men.

Anonymous wrote:This has been the realest thread I've seen lately and actually quite eye opening. Presumably, the guys on here are the guys next door. Ones you wouldn't suspect. Probably normal looking. Sometimes we forget how these lurkers are the ones leading double lives. After 9 pages on this thread and even more on the other, guy after guy has come out with the warped view that they're straight in spite of homosexual behaviors, desires, and actions. Scary! What seemed so basic before- a straight man has exclusive sex with females- has been turned on its head on this very interesting forum. Never again will I assume that a "straight" man is one whom has exclusive sexual relations with woman. Although that is true, there are men who don't believe this. I don't want a semantic dispute to put my young daughter at risk for HIV or a marriage in which she's competing with other men for her husband's affections. I'll also teach her that a past can come back to haunt you. Part of what's going on here is these men had sexual relations with men and now don't want the stain or stigma on themselves. It's there and there it shall remain. Best to not put yourself in that position to wish you never did something or ashamed of who you really are. That's the last lesson- be proud and own who you are. Living a lie is not living at all.

Is this for real??

^^ another lame euphemism to make hidden gays feel better. At least be more in the ball park. Some guys like to tea bag, some don't.

There are some people in this world who see everything in black and white. There are others who see shades of grey. This thread reflects just that.

Also you better also confirm if they are actually a female when they say they are. Adam's apple, cock and balls and they'll still go around like natural born women. Double check all of that shit!

This has been the realest thread I've seen lately and actually quite eye opening. Presumably, the guys on here are the guys next door. Ones you wouldn't suspect. Probably normal looking. Sometimes we forget how these lurkers are the ones leading double lives. After 9 pages on this thread and even more on the other, guy after guy has come out with the warped view that they're straight in spite of homosexual behaviors, desires, and actions. Scary! What seemed so basic before- a straight man has exclusive sex with females- has been turned on its head on this very interesting forum. Never again will I assume that a "straight" man is one whom has exclusive sexual relations with woman. Although that is true, there are men who don't believe this. I don't want a semantic dispute to put my young daughter at risk for HIV or a marriage in which she's competing with other men for her husband's affections. I'll also teach her that a past can come back to haunt you. Part of what's going on here is these men had sexual relations with men and now don't want the stain or stigma on themselves. It's there and there it shall remain. Best to not put yourself in that position to wish you never did something or ashamed of who you really are. That's the last lesson- be proud and own who you are. Living a lie is not living at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This may be the weirdest threat I have ever read. How many of you are actually DC parents?

I, for one, am a parent and will be showing this thread to my teens. They need to know that their are guys out there who clearly swing both ways or have swung both ways or any combo thereof and are lying to their women that their straight. This is why when someone donates blood they have to ask the man if he has ever had sexual contact with another man. They don't ask if their "gay". They ask if they're MSM - a man who sleeps with another man but doesn't identify as gay. These men are having sex with women and many are HIV positive. Not a laughing matter at all. Scary really!

I am surprised that you are surprised!

Seriously, there have been instances of well respected married men who are public figures being exposed as gay or bi despite condemning gays in public statements. If this is happening with public figures who have every reason to make sure that their activities don't leave them vulnerable, why would you be surprised that there are married men who are not in the public eye doing the same thing and getting away with it?