Anonymous
Post 05/19/2013 12:49     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:I have a second grader and a kindergartner. In my experience, about 80% of the time the kids who are held back are held back to give them an edge. I live in an affluent community and so these parents can afford an extra year of preschool and believe that their child will be a “leader” because he (mostly he but sometimes she) will be the oldest. I don’t have a problem with the other 20% who have legitimate reasons to hold back . But when were deciding whether or not to send my summer boy, another mother actually said to me “Don’t you want him to be a leader? You should hold him back.” She did not ask me whether or not he was actually ready. This is the problem with redshirting!


I have heard this before: "Don’t you want him to be a leader? You should hold him back.” Where is it coming from? Who is encouraging parents to make sure their kindergartners are leaders?Is it from a book, or an expert?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2013 12:40     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:I have a second grader and a kindergartner. In my experience, about 80% of the time the kids who are held back are held back to give them an edge. I live in an affluent community and so these parents can afford an extra year of preschool and believe that their child will be a “leader” because he (mostly he but sometimes she) will be the oldest. I don’t have a problem with the other 20% who have legitimate reasons to hold back . But when were deciding whether or not to send my summer boy, another mother actually said to me “Don’t you want him to be a leader? You should hold him back.” She did not ask me whether or not he was actually ready. This is the problem with redshirting!


I have had the exact same experience, but with a girl. "Why are you sending her, if she waits she'll be one of the oldest and a leader" My DD has a mid August birthday and seems ready for K emotionally, socially and academically -- especially when compared to other 4 - 5 year olds. She is a leader in preschool and the neighborhood. However, when she is in a group of kids who are closer to 5.5-6 she does seem a little younger and we've started to worry a little that it will be hard on her b/c we have found out that there will only be a few other summer birthdays (turning 5 this year) in her class (2) and she will indeed be the youngest- with several who will turn 5 by October 1 -- and at least one child who will turn 6 before she turns 5.

I don't know the older children personally, so there may be a good reason for one or two of them to have waited, but the impression I have gotten from the community is that most times it is to give the kids an "edge". I guess it is a personal choice, but the deadline has become very arbitrary. I'm really okay with those within a few weeks/month of the deadline making a choice, but when it goes past that I do think in many cases it skews the age of the class.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2013 10:53     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:I have a second grader and a kindergartner. In my experience, about 80% of the time the kids who are held back are held back to give them an edge. I live in an affluent community and so these parents can afford an extra year of preschool and believe that their child will be a “leader” because he (mostly he but sometimes she) will be the oldest. I don’t have a problem with the other 20% who have legitimate reasons to hold back . But when were deciding whether or not to send my summer boy, another mother actually said to me “Don’t you want him to be a leader? You should hold him back.” She did not ask me whether or not he was actually ready. This is the problem with redshirting!

+1000. What she really means is won't it be easier for my little bully? since she is bigger and older?
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2013 08:56     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Why is 5 the magic number? Because you say so?





No, because the state, or the school guidelines say so, except for that 80% the pp noted where it is vanity or "to give and edge" to a 5 year old in an artificial manner.




Thanks but I will defer to my instincts and understanding of what my son needs, not follow a govt bureaucrat who can't go beyond what it is written on a piece of paper.

Here is an example of another mom who didn't follow the system. Don't be a lemming. Think for yourself and what is best for your kid.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/book-review-the-spark-a-mothers-story-of-nurturing-genius-by-kristine-barnett/2013/05/17/e3763448-9ba4-11e2-9a79-eb5280c81c63_story.html


Anonymous
Post 05/19/2013 07:41     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:

Why is 5 the magic number? Because you say so?





No, because the state, or the school guidelines say so, except for that 80% the pp noted where it is vanity or "to give and edge" to a 5 year old in an artificial manner.

Anonymous
Post 05/18/2013 17:36     Subject: Re:Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
I think it's ridiculous to send 4 yr olds to school full time. But it doesnt "infuriate" me. In my experience with 4 kids, I've only known 1 boy who turned 7 in K. And he had a speech delay. So much of this hysteria is based on urban legend. Or you sister's neighbor's cousin's experience. Relax. Do what's best for your family.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2013 17:19     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:I have a second grader and a kindergartner. In my experience, about 80% of the time the kids who are held back are held back to give them an edge. I live in an affluent community and so these parents can afford an extra year of preschool and believe that their child will be a “leader” because he (mostly he but sometimes she) will be the oldest. I don’t have a problem with the other 20% who have legitimate reasons to hold back . But when were deciding whether or not to send my summer boy, another mother actually said to me “Don’t you want him to be a leader? You should hold him back.” She did not ask me whether or not he was actually ready. This is the problem with redshirting!


Your vast experience of having a 2nd grade and a kindergartner. As a previous poster stated, the most judgmental tend to be the ones with younger kids who think they know everything. You had one mother say something to you and now you know how every single parent who is redshirting really feels.

Many people are redshirting because K is not like K was 20 years ago. The demands on the kids is far greater and yes many boys who are younger are not ready for this. Befoe you judge try walking in the shoes of parents who don't want their kids to be completely turned off by school or because they truly are immature and need an extra year.

Why is 5 the magic number? Because you say so?



Anonymous
Post 05/18/2013 16:21     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Looked ahead ~ Didn't want a 19 year old man living in our house as a high school senior.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2013 14:19     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Mother of a September birthday DD - going to K this fall. I am so glad this isn't the norm at our neighborhood school. While I am a little sad (simply because I'm her mom) that she will be going to school all day - technically at age 4 - come September, I'll be annoyed if there are kids turning 7 during the school year. Just being honest. It's ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2013 13:34     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
I have a second grader and a kindergartner. In my experience, about 80% of the time the kids who are held back are held back to give them an edge. I live in an affluent community and so these parents can afford an extra year of preschool and believe that their child will be a “leader” because he (mostly he but sometimes she) will be the oldest. I don’t have a problem with the other 20% who have legitimate reasons to hold back . But when were deciding whether or not to send my summer boy, another mother actually said to me “Don’t you want him to be a leader? You should hold him back.” She did not ask me whether or not he was actually ready. This is the problem with redshirting!
Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 12:08     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
I hope your first grader had a nice year in Kindergarten.

Anonymous
Post 05/08/2013 10:01     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:I have teens. I have seen families who redshirted because their kids weren't ready and in every case they believe it was the right thing to do. As the years went on it made no difference in terms of the other kids in the grade, they were indistinguishable. I also know of a family whose child was borderline and they decided not to redshirt. The boy was very bright but immature. Several years later after he struggled with the demands of the classroom they had him repeat a grade and he has thrived ever since. They regret not redshirting him.

There are reasons. If you aren't in that position, you won't understand them. We all have difficult decisions to make about our children all the time and ultimately we try to do whats best for them. The one thing I've learned now that my kids are teens is humility. Those parents I judged for various reasons when our kids were younger got some things right that I got wrong. There are no perfect parents out there so maybe we all need to be a bit more humble, a bit less judgmental, and try to understand each other instead. I find that parents of younger children have more trouble doing this, but as their kids get older they realize that all children challenge their parents.


Well said, PP. I wish there were more people like you on DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 22:33     Subject: Re:Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No one complains about the slow child who's held back and has a summer birthday. A spring birthday I can see as being a bit odd but after a while no one cares. I don't think the child on meds would have any more friends though if they started earlier.


Anything beyond late August/September without a documented problem is crazy to me. I think when a kid is 5 by the first day of school they should be mandated to enroll unless they have proper medical documentation. No enrolling should be a delinquency.

Lets get K back to what K is supposed to be. Having kids turn 7 during the academic k school year in public is ridiculous.


+100



1000+
Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 21:32     Subject: Re:Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No one complains about the slow child who's held back and has a summer birthday. A spring birthday I can see as being a bit odd but after a while no one cares. I don't think the child on meds would have any more friends though if they started earlier.


Anything beyond late August/September without a documented problem is crazy to me. I think when a kid is 5 by the first day of school they should be mandated to enroll unless they have proper medical documentation. No enrolling should be a delinquency.

Lets get K back to what K is supposed to be. Having kids turn 7 during the academic k school year in public is ridiculous.


+100

Anonymous
Post 05/06/2013 21:27     Subject: Long term affects - good or bad - of holding back from kindergarten
Anonymous wrote:Holding your kid back "just because" infuriates me. It throws the whole system off and is probably the reason kindergarten isn't what it used to be. If your child is of age and has no issues, send the kid on time!!!!


+1!!!