Anonymous wrote:Nothing to add other than a huge thank you to all who've contributed. I giggled myself into tears reading, much needed.

OP, I think a custom set of musical instruments including a vuvuzela, harmonica, recorder, and snare drum, plus a chicken dance Elmo for good measure sound brilliant. And a glitter-spraying hammer, if there is such a thing.

Add this to the instruments: https://smile.amazon.com/PlayGo-4170-Playgo-Saxophone/dp/B00ATWW1Y2/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1480714550&sr=8-16&keywords=toy+saxophone

My kid LOVES this. And it's SO LOUD.

Anonymous wrote:Anything that plays "It's a small world after all". What an ear worm! My husband hates it (got got stuck in the exhibit at Disneyland). Once in your head, it just doesn't leave for weeks.

God damn it, now it's in my head!

Old thread but still hilarious!

For me, it would be a crapload of Playdough in a million of those tiny hard-to-open containers in all different colors (so THEY ALL HAVE TO BE OPEN MOMMEEEEE) plus a bunch of Playdough accessories where the Playdough gets stuck and jammed -- like the one that makes "spaghetti" -- and you have to pry it out with toothpicks and toothbrushes, after you are done picking up the 9,000 playdough pebbles out of your carpet/upholstery/hair.

Playdough is my nemesis.

Also, thanks to the PP for "Dame Judgey McFuckwitch." Filing THAT one away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is more subtle. It seems like it would be a good toy - made in the USA, no batteries, no lights, made of wood. How bad could that be? A SET OF SOLID WOODEN BALLS AND A HAMMER made by Melissa and Doug.

First you bang on the ball with the hammer and then when the ball pops out of the bottom you throw it across the room. Then you are left with a two year old with a wooden hammer. And you know what happens when you have a hammer? Everything looks like a nail.

http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Deluxe-Pound-Tower/dp/B000VO3GME

Some one got us this. It is the most obnoxious gift ever. What the heck purpose other than to drive adults crazy?

HAHAhaha -- yes -- my parents BOUGHT this for the kids to play with at their own (my parents') house, and now complain that the kids bang on it too hard. OMFG, THE ENTIRE POINT IS TO GO BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.

That voice changing microphone thing. I'm feeling major anxiety just remembering it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Easily done at target, grab the drum music kit, a fire truck with sirens & a police car that does the same. Put the 3 items in the back of one of those large yellow metal tonka dump trucks, tie a glitter bow around it then attach a musical card that is also coated in glitter. My boys have been gifted many emergency vehicles that don't shut off, the tonka truck tore up our hallway & the harmonica in the drum music kit is horrible.

This. Or if you really want to break the bank: an indoor inflatable ball pit. The kids live it but it means you have the huge thing blown up somewhere in your house, there's 100's of balls all over and you can't really leave them unattended while they play in the pit. And it goes on for years and years.

OH, so true!

Whatever else you give, add on the game Lucky Ducks. $10 at TRU and the kid will keep the sound on even when playing with something else!

Best DCUM thread ever..................

I freaking love this thread and I love the OP.

Original Smokey the Fire Truck poster. Just found out that our thoughtful givers, my BIL and SIL, are expecting a baby. A boy.

Oh, karma, you sneaky bitch you...