Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Assuming you have means and it is not a complete struggle, parents should pay for their kids undergrad tuition and room and board. That is part of the deal in 2012. That is, saving for your kids college should be a lower priority than your mortgage, 401K and your normal quality-of-life (vacations, etc.). But I think it should be ahead of getting a nicer car and/or a bigger house.

2. The college "experience" is important. The people who do well in life are the ones who are well adjusted with good social skills and who get along with other people. Plus the contacts and friends you make in college are huge for future success.
3. The parent owes it to their kids to give them advice (this major is better than that major, etc.), but it is not my choice as to their major or college (assuming the school is within my budget). Now there are some limits. I am not going to pay for an unaccredited school and I'd probably say it has to be within X hours of home (say 4-5 hours).

um really?? bwahahahhahaha

Anonymous wrote:I value education, but I assume my kids will go to public colleges in-state. I am not going to NOT go on vacation so my kid can go to private college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For all of you who don't plan to pay for your kids college education, let me assure you that they will be pushed out of jobs by immigrants whose parents lived in shacks so their kids could get the best possible education. Indian, Korean, Chinese families sacrifice EVERYTHING so their kids can get the best possible education. Later those same kids help the elderly parents because they are able. This discussion, right here, on this thread is why the U.S. is going to become second world very soon.

I am one of those immigrants (though I live quite comfortably). I said previously that I would only pay for a top school tuition and only on my own terms (i.e. children get to choose their major only from a pro-approved list created by me and DH). It is hard for me to imagine immigrant parents giving their children free reigns in terms of exploring various college majors etc. Also, more than many here (and this despite both me and DH being PhDs) we are willing to accept that our children might not be good enough for college and that there other honorable ways to make a living. We are certainly not going to pay $$$ so that children can have a "college experience".

I am also from one of those immigrant groups - my parents immigrated, and my husband immigrated. Dad's family was dirt-poor; he's an engineer.

My parents came here for opportunity. The last thing my parents would want me to do is waste an education on something that didn't interest me at all. Can you imagine not wanting to be an engineer, and then spending 9 hours a day being an engineer? Soul sucking.

I don't know a single immigrant parent that made the kinds of ultimatums you suggest - it's the exception, rather than the norm in our community, actually. We find out about it from the rumor mill. "Oh, he left school - he really wanted to be an English major, but his mom made him go to the business school."

This is why I would never limit choices just to engineers. Doctors and lawyers are also acceptable (in fact, medicine is preferable). There is so much variety in careers in medicine (clinical work, lab work, managerial work, teaching work...) alone that there is something for everyone.

Maybe in your community the rule is to have children decide what they want to study on their parents' dime. If so, this is merely a reflection of a generational family cycle where movers and shakers are eventually replaced by "artists" or just plain bums.[/quote]

Well, no. You can be successful outside the fields of law and medicine. FWIW, i am an attorney, but my parents had no say in my choice of major or graduate school. I was considering going to school to become an urban planner. I asked my dad point blank whether that was "good enough". He said, as long as you apply yourself 100% it will of course be good enough.

Did you ever take any courses in music, art or English? The most challenging courses I took in college were in art history and english. By comparison, I sailed through statistics, econometrics and economics. One wonderful thing about college is that I came to value disciplines other than those that I was interested in or excelled at.

My personal view is that undergraduate education is, more than anything else, about learning how to learn. It is not vocational school. You immerse yourself into one subject and learn to think critically. That's why you have people in all kinds of professional school who majored in English, Music, Anthroplogy, etc. Would you be disappointed if your children taught art to lower-income kids? It sounds like you would, and that is terribly depressing . If I had chosen that route, I know that my parents would have been proud of me. Having seen your philosophy play out before, I can tell you that taking your children's passions and telling them that those passions are worthless and irrelevant will damage your relationship with your children. I hope that as your children get older you reform your views.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents have the means--yes they should.

DH came from a poor working single mom and had to take loans to pay for his college.

I came from a middle class family of 3 and my dad promised to pay for the 2 daugthers (had one brother) wedding in full (not extravagant crazy affairs--but very elegant) and 4 years in-state tuition (out of state we would have to take the difference in loans). He also lectured on the quality of the va state univ. and the idiocy of taking a loan from an equivalent out of state (if I got into an ivy that would be somethign different).

I will pay for my kids university (and I dont have the in-state requirement that my parents imposed on me). My oldest just finished K and his 529 is already 'pay now' if we want it. We have essentially already set enough aside for both of our kids.

Loans are now the new bubble that the housing market once was. I will not saddle my kids with them. They will have to pick credible majors and work hard. My dad's rules were if the grades dropped $ was cut off and if we didn't go to college we were out of the house at 18. I think those were good rules.

A minimum 4-years university tuition is definitely the responsibility of a parent with means.

I agree with every single word you wrote (and your dad).

He is a great man and role-model! I just quoted Warren Buffet in a different post and I agree with this: "Give your kids enough to do something, but not so much that they can do nothing". Paying for your kids' college would fall in that category.

I disagree with that. I think paying for your kid's college falls under parental obligation.

Yes. That is exactly what I said. Givign them college $ is letting them do 'something' ....giving them a house or fancy car, not so much.

Ahhh I get it. We agree on everything then!