Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but if you have one that has turned out great, by stopping at one, you eliminate (reduce) the risk of getting a problem child. Whatever kind of problem child. Lots and lots and lots of families have problem kids. Think of all your friends - there is usually at least one sibling with "issues" - and many times the issues have caused a lot of angst. My mom always tells me about her 80 year old patiends that come in and tell her about their worries/stress over their 60 year old "kids."

I can think of some things that are not money related:

- pregnancy/childbirth/recovery/breastfeeding/struggling with weight - this is something I would rather not experience again and don't miss.
- sleep deprivation and exhaustion of early months, fragility of a young baby and increased worries about "getting over the hump".

points 1 and 2 are temporary, but they do take away 2 years of your life and make it less enjoyable, at least for me.

Now, here are some other things you will have to worry about forever:

- another human being - this means, double the worries about their health, happiness, ability to adjust and fit in, interactions with others, intellectual abilities, etc. Mainly, you have another person, whom you are responsible for and have to keep out of trouble, which no money can guarantee.
- shortchanging your first kid whom you are developing deep bonds with. You simply won't have as much time to spend explaining the world to your first kid, bonding with him/her and devoting your life to them. I often wonder, do I love my 1st kid enough to dedicate myself 100% instead of increasing my chances to propagate my genes with additional offspring.

NP here, I read through this entire thread and most frequently mentioned advantages of having one and only seem to be all money related. I am wondering if many of you would change your mind if you had monetary resources to have more than one kid and still continue maintaining exact same lifestyle.

If you take money out of equation then what is the real advantage of having an only kid? Let's pretend for a second that money is not an issue and that hypothetically, you can afford the same lifestyle, live in the same area, send kids to private school if needed, afford the same vacations and overseas trips, hire additional help to enjoy the same amount of couple/personal time and not have to deal with extra cooking/cleaning, etc. If this was the case, would this have any influence on your decision on how many kids to have?

Anonymous wrote:I don't look like the dishelved mom of three in my neighborhood - who NEVER quite seems to have her shit together.

LOL. Hi, Neighbor!

I don't look like the dishelved mom of three in my neighborhood - who NEVER quite seems to have her shit together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:always a good fight on this forum

in this case, SUCH stupidity

Here's my story. Read and learn.

As an only, we lived at the beach. We had a condo on the ocean, and a home on the bay my father built. We traveled to Europe, up and down the East Coast, to Canada, to the island, and to California. I attended private school. For special events, we shopped at Saks. I had my own condo at 24 and my own townhouse at 28.

As the mother of two, we rarely vacation, as private school tuition eats up quite a bit of change. Our current home is nice - older - but it is in this condition b/c my husband is handy. So he renovated/updated parts of the house himself. I work. (My mother did but that's b/c we had a family business. So she could take off whenever she wanted!) We are moving to an area with better public schools b/c we won't be able to afford private high for our kids. I drive a car that's 7 years old, and when we buy our next one, it will be used. Again, my husband, who's handy, does all the maintenance. With one, we could do more obviously. I don't, however, regret having a second, as it was our choice to do so.

But we do make sacrifices - some of us more than others. And considering how I was raised, it's been a tad bit hard for me!

Sucks for you, Princess. I grew up the youngest of 3. Middle Class. I was taught the value of hard work---as was my DH who came from even more modest means. We were taught 'brands', 'materialism', etc mean nothing. They are just 'things'. Now DH and I have extremely lucrative careers and more $ than we know what to do with--but we refuse to raise our kids in a manner that you describe. Gifts are confined to Christmans and Birthdays. Kids do chores. Our only real extravangances are vacations and whole foods. We purposely chose a strong public school district so as not to surround our kids with private school crowd.

I thought her post was very helpful. I think you are a bitch.

price

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:During this heat wave I am so glad I don't have an only.

My 4.5 and 7 year old boys have been playing fantastically with no fights. They get long great. Older one said last night--I am soooo glad I have a brother.

We just returned from two vacations where they had each other to chase around the beach, etc.

Less work for mom and dad and they are never bored.

Yes. Your kids play together while an only child goes to Europe. I see it now! I'm going to get started on my second right away!

Ummm----my kids go to Europe. They both had passports within a month of their births. It is a wild assumption to assume anyone with more than one kid cant' afford trips to Europe.

(Hush---they also have their college almost paid off and the youngest hasn't even started kindergarten.)

You know what else? If I ask them where they want to go on vacation---it isn't Europe---they'll take Legoland in the US anyday. Thankfully-- we have enough resources to do 'our trip' and 'their trip' each year.


ITs great to have a sibling at those 'boring' adult sight seeing trips in Europe.

Hi 1%!

Most people can't afford that.

Again, if you wan't to brag about how awesome multiple children are - start a thread about it. This is a support thread for those who want to talk about how great having an only is. I wonder if having multiple children has made you decrease your intelligence level - or just not give a shit about other people.

Can you let us know which one? I think - you just don't give a shit.

I am an only and DH and I are currently debating having an only or trying again. I feel all the pros have been touched on over and over---my house was also the house as previously mentioned the "fun" house, after prom, sleepovers etc were always at my house. My mom always had an open door policy. We had friends come on trips with us, and I never remembered feeling slighted, if anything I felt thankful. The only downside is my parents were older ( mom had me at 40)--this may not be the case for all, but I feel being an only helped to make my mom and I have an amazing relationship, I can honestly say she is one of my best friends. We talk every day, usually multiple times--my parents moved closer ( as they could since I am an only and don't have to split time) to be near their grand baby and have forged an amazing relationship already. My only concern honestly in having an only--is I know I am terrified of when my parents pass, yes there are friends and my amazing husband, but I watched my aunt and my mom lean on each other when my grandma passed away this past fall ( all of us are quite close), and that bond they shared and ability to be each others support is the only thing swaying me now. I know as others have mentioned it is no guarantee, but having seen my dad ( an only) and my mom and her sister go thru the loss of parents they were extremely close to is night and day. Anyways, I don't have an answer, but I can say that I had an amazing childhood, felt loved unconditionally and never felt that I lacked friends/reason to come home/had sad Christmas's . If there is love in the house your child will feel it with or without siblings!

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

I give my child unconditional love, a roof over their head, food, clothing, she'll get a great education, travel the world, and can marry whoever she wants. She will be challenged, pushed, and encouraged. She will learn the value of a dollar, how fortunate she is, and how she can help others. She'll learn how we as humans are draining the world's resources and while we do need to ensure the human race lives on, it doesn't require having multiple children (and certainly not 19).

Yep, when my husband and I get older, it's primarily on my DD. However DH and I are not only children, and I know DH will be in for a fight when his parents age and pass away, as he and his sister do NOT get along in any way. It would be easier if he was an only child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

Here's what we owe our children. Ready?

-Unconditional love
-A roof over their heads, food on the table, weather-appropriate clothing, water, education.
-Safety to grow and learn.
-Room to make enough mistakes to learn from them.

A sibling isn't on that list.

You are a godsend

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

Here's what we owe our children. Ready?

-Unconditional love
-A roof over their heads, food on the table, weather-appropriate clothing, water, education.
-Safety to grow and learn.
-Room to make enough mistakes to learn from them.

A sibling isn't on that list.

Anonymous wrote:when the only at some point will ask the parents why they didn't have another child and to wish for a brother or sister. How would that make the parent REALLY feel "because only one was in the cards for us due to stress and hardship or other reasons cited here?" I'm sorry but if you are physically and financially able to have another i think you owe it to them to have another. The reality is they need a sibling in this world. Someone to lean on when they become adults, attend their respective weddings, take care of the parents when they get old, on their deathbeds TOGETHER.

I'm just not sold on an only.

Here's what we owe our children. Ready?

-Unconditional love
-A roof over their heads, food on the table, weather-appropriate clothing, water, education.
-Safety to grow and learn.
-Room to make enough mistakes to learn from them.

A sibling isn't on that list.

I just had our first in May, and DH and I have no plans for anymore (for many reasons dictated in this thread). While DD is only 11 weeks, and I'm able to get by with the "we're just enjoying DD right now, we'll see what happens" excuse, DH and I know we don't want anymore. I get the same comments from my mother - Spoiled, lonely, unfair to my daughter, etc.

One on one time with your child. It's priceless!