Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 09:12     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:Damn, old women are bitter. I'm 31 and while I know aging is a part of the process of life, I pray I don't greet it with such bitterness.


Please don't think that's true, based on a few DCUM posters. I'm in my early 60's and don't feel bitter at all. Sure, there are times when I wish I could still look the same in a bathing suit as I did at 30, wish I had less gray hair, think it would be fun to have more money, and have struggled through some challenging times. Nonetheless, I've never quit exercising regularly, have been married to the same DH for 40+ years, have two wonderful adult children with great spouses and precious grandchildren, enjoy my friends, and still work. At this stage of life, my friends and I have all experienced some kind of sadness and/or life-changing events; but we still appreciate all the wonders of living! One very freeing thing about this stage of life . . . I worry far less about what other people think!
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 08:44     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:Hon,

You have NO idea what happens to spouses in that situation. My father was 10 years older than my mother. For SIX years, she spent close to $1m caring for him at home.

She had in-home care b/c she knew the quality of life in nursing homes SUCKED! In fact, each time he went in for rehab, he ended up in worse condition when he was discharged.

You think you've got it all planned out, but until you're in that spot - day after day, watching someone change diapers and dressing wounds and mashing up foods - you have NO CLUE how draining it is. And then if you opt for the nursing home route, be prepared to fight a battle each day to ensure your loved one is getting the best care.

For now ignorance is bliss, but when reality hits, don't say I didn't warn you.


Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 28 and I feel for the OP. Seriously, that would hurt and piss me off. I only have one friend who digs older men and her dad was barely involved in her life. Why did you divorce?



I know you're not saying all women who marry older men have daddy issues, but even so, I want to provide backup. Like a couple other PPs in this thread, my DH is older than I am- by 16 years. We are happily married, have a child together, and I get along great with my stepchild. I love his family and they love me, and all of my family members love him and stepchild as well. I have a great relationship with my dad! My parents were divorced, but I saw him on holidays and school breaks, during summers, we all went on vacations together, my dad was there for every major event I ever had, we spoke weekly in college... he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. We get together for dinners every couple months now (he lives a few hours away). Sometimes, you just love who you love, and it has nothing to do with your father or your relationship with him.

I will also never understand why people who are not IN the marriages voice such vocal "concern" for the younger spouse who will one day have to care for their spouse when they are older. Will this be sad, if it happens? Of course. It's sad to see anyone you love begin to decline in health and have to nurse them through that. But that is my husband- I love him. I hope he lives to an old age, and if he does, I plan to be right by his side until the end, even if he dies when I'm "young" and in my 60s. Should you be the same age as your spouse and don't envision that happening to you- good for you. But why does it bother you so much to think other people might have to do it, to the point where you will denigrate their marriage? There's far worse things that having the opportunity, in the end, to hold your spouse's hand until the end of their life and prove the temerity of your vows. I hate to think of my spouse dying, but in a way, it will be a gift if I am able to care for him in the end, rather than wasting away by his side at the same time, the both of us useless to one another. I love him enough to marry him despite that possibility. It's a shame all of you think marriages that might one day see that scenario are "less than" your own marriages.


Oh Jesus. And I'm sure if your mother could go back she'd marry someone 10 years younger just so she might have the chance of not going through that again! Of course I realize it's draining- my family has done the same thing your mother did for 2 family members in the past few years. Sat at their bedside, someone, round the clock, battled nurses and doctors for the best care possible, arranged for home care or hospice. Yes it sucks. I do know this. I'm not acting like nursing someone to their death is a parade. But when it came down to it, the possibility of that happening didn't keep me from still considering a marriage with my husband a good decision. People also die young, or die in accidents, or die quick deaths. Not everyone lingers interminably for years. But if he does, I'll deal with it because I love him. And I wasn't going to throw away the possibility of a good 50 years because the last 5 *might* suck.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 08:41     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bunch of bitter old women posting.

46 is not gross. If the guy takes care of himself, he can actually be hot. (Brad Pitt is 48; Clooney is 50; Johnny Depp is 48; Tom Cruise is 49).

Good for this husband! He had a long marriage and raised his kids. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but life goes on. I hope he has a fun ride, however long it lasts!!!


Amen. My DH is 18 years older then me - we have a wonderful relationship. Why the assumptions that you'd have nothing in common? Don't get it - why wouldn't you have things in common? We love to do the same things, discuss the same things, and enjoy raising our son together. Not every 46 year old is the same, and not every 24 yo is the same.


When you're 60 and he's 78, I doubt you'll feel the same way. You'll retire just in time to wipe his drool. Good luck enjoying the golden years.


I don't understand comments like this. The poster said she's in a wonderful relationship. She has no problems with what she has. What is your problem?


b/c for now things are just dandy
It's so romantic - the older man/younger woman
Younger woman is flattered that such a mature and experienced gentleman is interested in her! blah blah blah

How can you NOT think ahead and know that he'll be an old man while you're still walking w/o a cane?

Do you KNOW of any relationships with that age span? I do, and right now the husband is an invalid while the wife still works PT and takes care of the grandkids from time to time.


I know of one relationship where the spouse is an invalid. But wait, they're the same age. Car accident. It happens.


because this is totally the norm...I know dozens and dozens of people like this IRL. It always end up that someone becomes a quadriplegic by the time they hit 45.[/quote]

Who are these people? drunks?

I know not ONE person who's a quad. not one . . . Nor do I know of anyone "young" (my standard of young) who's in a wheelchair. You are exaggerating.


Somebody's sarcasm detector is broken...
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 08:40     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Hon,

You have NO idea what happens to spouses in that situation. My father was 10 years older than my mother. For SIX years, she spent close to $1m caring for him at home.

She had in-home care b/c she knew the quality of life in nursing homes SUCKED! In fact, each time he went in for rehab, he ended up in worse condition when he was discharged.

You think you've got it all planned out, but until you're in that spot - day after day, watching someone change diapers and dressing wounds and mashing up foods - you have NO CLUE how draining it is. And then if you opt for the nursing home route, be prepared to fight a battle each day to ensure your loved one is getting the best care.

For now ignorance is bliss, but when reality hits, don't say I didn't warn you.


Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm 28 and I feel for the OP. Seriously, that would hurt and piss me off. I only have one friend who digs older men and her dad was barely involved in her life. Why did you divorce?



I know you're not saying all women who marry older men have daddy issues, but even so, I want to provide backup. Like a couple other PPs in this thread, my DH is older than I am- by 16 years. We are happily married, have a child together, and I get along great with my stepchild. I love his family and they love me, and all of my family members love him and stepchild as well. I have a great relationship with my dad! My parents were divorced, but I saw him on holidays and school breaks, during summers, we all went on vacations together, my dad was there for every major event I ever had, we spoke weekly in college... he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. We get together for dinners every couple months now (he lives a few hours away). Sometimes, you just love who you love, and it has nothing to do with your father or your relationship with him.

I will also never understand why people who are not IN the marriages voice such vocal "concern" for the younger spouse who will one day have to care for their spouse when they are older. Will this be sad, if it happens? Of course. It's sad to see anyone you love begin to decline in health and have to nurse them through that. But that is my husband- I love him. I hope he lives to an old age, and if he does, I plan to be right by his side until the end, even if he dies when I'm "young" and in my 60s. Should you be the same age as your spouse and don't envision that happening to you- good for you. But why does it bother you so much to think other people might have to do it, to the point where you will denigrate their marriage? There's far worse things that having the opportunity, in the end, to hold your spouse's hand until the end of their life and prove the temerity of your vows. I hate to think of my spouse dying, but in a way, it will be a gift if I am able to care for him in the end, rather than wasting away by his side at the same time, the both of us useless to one another. I love him enough to marry him despite that possibility. It's a shame all of you think marriages that might one day see that scenario are "less than" your own marriages.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 08:36     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bunch of bitter old women posting.

46 is not gross. If the guy takes care of himself, he can actually be hot. (Brad Pitt is 48; Clooney is 50; Johnny Depp is 48; Tom Cruise is 49).

Good for this husband! He had a long marriage and raised his kids. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but life goes on. I hope he has a fun ride, however long it lasts!!!


Amen. My DH is 18 years older then me - we have a wonderful relationship. Why the assumptions that you'd have nothing in common? Don't get it - why wouldn't you have things in common? We love to do the same things, discuss the same things, and enjoy raising our son together. Not every 46 year old is the same, and not every 24 yo is the same.


When you're 60 and he's 78, I doubt you'll feel the same way. You'll retire just in time to wipe his drool. Good luck enjoying the golden years.


I don't understand comments like this. The poster said she's in a wonderful relationship. She has no problems with what she has. What is your problem?


b/c for now things are just dandy
It's so romantic - the older man/younger woman
Younger woman is flattered that such a mature and experienced gentleman is interested in her! blah blah blah

How can you NOT think ahead and know that he'll be an old man while you're still walking w/o a cane?

Do you KNOW of any relationships with that age span? I do, and right now the husband is an invalid while the wife still works PT and takes care of the grandkids from time to time.


I know of one relationship where the spouse is an invalid. But wait, they're the same age. Car accident. It happens.


because this is totally the norm...I know dozens and dozens of people like this IRL. It always end up that someone becomes a quadriplegic by the time they hit 45.[/quote]

Who are these people? drunks?

I know not ONE person who's a quad. not one . . . Nor do I know of anyone "young" (my standard of young) who's in a wheelchair. You are exaggerating.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 08:00     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
I agree that true love knows no obstacles ... But you do have to be quite wary of a 24 yr old and 46 yr old who dive into marriage with three young kids involved, only 6 months after a divorce. They are not thinking clearly and prioritizing the stability of homelife for the kids, and that's really selfish. I think this would be suspect in any event, but especially so for such a young woman. What's the rush?
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 07:50     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:I'm 28 and I feel for the OP. Seriously, that would hurt and piss me off. I only have one friend who digs older men and her dad was barely involved in her life. Why did you divorce?



I know you're not saying all women who marry older men have daddy issues, but even so, I want to provide backup. Like a couple other PPs in this thread, my DH is older than I am- by 16 years. We are happily married, have a child together, and I get along great with my stepchild. I love his family and they love me, and all of my family members love him and stepchild as well. I have a great relationship with my dad! My parents were divorced, but I saw him on holidays and school breaks, during summers, we all went on vacations together, my dad was there for every major event I ever had, we spoke weekly in college... he walked me down the aisle at my wedding. We get together for dinners every couple months now (he lives a few hours away). Sometimes, you just love who you love, and it has nothing to do with your father or your relationship with him.

I will also never understand why people who are not IN the marriages voice such vocal "concern" for the younger spouse who will one day have to care for their spouse when they are older. Will this be sad, if it happens? Of course. It's sad to see anyone you love begin to decline in health and have to nurse them through that. But that is my husband- I love him. I hope he lives to an old age, and if he does, I plan to be right by his side until the end, even if he dies when I'm "young" and in my 60s. Should you be the same age as your spouse and don't envision that happening to you- good for you. But why does it bother you so much to think other people might have to do it, to the point where you will denigrate their marriage? There's far worse things that having the opportunity, in the end, to hold your spouse's hand until the end of their life and prove the temerity of your vows. I hate to think of my spouse dying, but in a way, it will be a gift if I am able to care for him in the end, rather than wasting away by his side at the same time, the both of us useless to one another. I love him enough to marry him despite that possibility. It's a shame all of you think marriages that might one day see that scenario are "less than" your own marriages.
Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 01:29     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
I'm 28 and I feel for the OP. Seriously, that would hurt and piss me off. I only have one friend who digs older men and her dad was barely involved in her life. Why did you divorce?

Anonymous
Post 04/14/2012 00:51     Subject: Re:My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
I'm in my mid-30's but I agree that many of the threads on DCUM have barely concealed disdain for women in their 20's.
Why? Because for women, beauty still = power, and youth is still considered more beautiful. So it's about jealousy. It's unfortunate but still seems to be the reality.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2012 20:42     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bunch of bitter old women posting.

46 is not gross. If the guy takes care of himself, he can actually be hot. (Brad Pitt is 48; Clooney is 50; Johnny Depp is 48; Tom Cruise is 49).

Good for this husband! He had a long marriage and raised his kids. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but life goes on. I hope he has a fun ride, however long it lasts!!!


Amen. My DH is 18 years older then me - we have a wonderful relationship. Why the assumptions that you'd have nothing in common? Don't get it - why wouldn't you have things in common? We love to do the same things, discuss the same things, and enjoy raising our son together. Not every 46 year old is the same, and not every 24 yo is the same.


When you're 60 and he's 78, I doubt you'll feel the same way. You'll retire just in time to wipe his drool. Good luck enjoying the golden years.


I don't understand comments like this. The poster said she's in a wonderful relationship. She has no problems with what she has. What is your problem?


b/c for now things are just dandy
It's so romantic - the older man/younger woman
Younger woman is flattered that such a mature and experienced gentleman is interested in her! blah blah blah

How can you NOT think ahead and know that he'll be an old man while you're still walking w/o a cane?

Do you KNOW of any relationships with that age span? I do, and right now the husband is an invalid while the wife still works PT and takes care of the grandkids from time to time.


I know of one relationship where the spouse is an invalid. But wait, they're the same age. Car accident. It happens.


because this is totally the norm...I know dozens and dozens of people like this IRL. It always end up that someone becomes a quadriplegic by the time they hit 45.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2012 20:09     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bunch of bitter old women posting.

46 is not gross. If the guy takes care of himself, he can actually be hot. (Brad Pitt is 48; Clooney is 50; Johnny Depp is 48; Tom Cruise is 49).

Good for this husband! He had a long marriage and raised his kids. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but life goes on. I hope he has a fun ride, however long it lasts!!!


Amen. My DH is 18 years older then me - we have a wonderful relationship. Why the assumptions that you'd have nothing in common? Don't get it - why wouldn't you have things in common? We love to do the same things, discuss the same things, and enjoy raising our son together. Not every 46 year old is the same, and not every 24 yo is the same.


When you're 60 and he's 78, I doubt you'll feel the same way. You'll retire just in time to wipe his drool. Good luck enjoying the golden years.


I don't understand comments like this. The poster said she's in a wonderful relationship. She has no problems with what she has. What is your problem?


b/c for now things are just dandy
It's so romantic - the older man/younger woman
Younger woman is flattered that such a mature and experienced gentleman is interested in her! blah blah blah

How can you NOT think ahead and know that he'll be an old man while you're still walking w/o a cane?

Do you KNOW of any relationships with that age span? I do, and right now the husband is an invalid while the wife still works PT and takes care of the grandkids from time to time.


I know of one relationship where the spouse is an invalid. But wait, they're the same age. Car accident. It happens.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2012 20:07     Subject: Re:My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2012 19:19     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bunch of bitter old women posting.

46 is not gross. If the guy takes care of himself, he can actually be hot. (Brad Pitt is 48; Clooney is 50; Johnny Depp is 48; Tom Cruise is 49).

Good for this husband! He had a long marriage and raised his kids. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but life goes on. I hope he has a fun ride, however long it lasts!!!


Amen. My DH is 18 years older then me - we have a wonderful relationship. Why the assumptions that you'd have nothing in common? Don't get it - why wouldn't you have things in common? We love to do the same things, discuss the same things, and enjoy raising our son together. Not every 46 year old is the same, and not every 24 yo is the same.


When you're 60 and he's 78, I doubt you'll feel the same way. You'll retire just in time to wipe his drool. Good luck enjoying the golden years.


I don't understand comments like this. The poster said she's in a wonderful relationship. She has no problems with what she has. What is your problem?


b/c for now things are just dandy
It's so romantic - the older man/younger woman
Younger woman is flattered that such a mature and experienced gentleman is interested in her! blah blah blah

How can you NOT think ahead and know that he'll be an old man while you're still walking w/o a cane?

Do you KNOW of any relationships with that age span? I do, and right now the husband is an invalid while the wife still works PT and takes care of the grandkids from time to time.
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2012 18:54     Subject: My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a bunch of bitter old women posting.

46 is not gross. If the guy takes care of himself, he can actually be hot. (Brad Pitt is 48; Clooney is 50; Johnny Depp is 48; Tom Cruise is 49).

Good for this husband! He had a long marriage and raised his kids. Unfortunately the marriage didn't last, but life goes on. I hope he has a fun ride, however long it lasts!!!


Amen. My DH is 18 years older then me - we have a wonderful relationship. Why the assumptions that you'd have nothing in common? Don't get it - why wouldn't you have things in common? We love to do the same things, discuss the same things, and enjoy raising our son together. Not every 46 year old is the same, and not every 24 yo is the same.


When you're 60 and he's 78, I doubt you'll feel the same way. You'll retire just in time to wipe his drool. Good luck enjoying the golden years.


I don't understand comments like this. The poster said she's in a wonderful relationship. She has no problems with what she has. What is your problem?
Anonymous
Post 04/13/2012 15:52     Subject: Re:My ex is engaged to a 24 year old
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am happily married to a man almost 20 years older than I am. We've been married for over a decade and it's the best decision I've ever made. We're intellectual peers, enjoy doing many of the same things for fun, and are in the same general profession. We are both well-educated (ivy degrees), and are both professionally successful. He has two adult children from a previous marriage, one of whom has become one of my closest friends. No daddy issues here. No "gold digging." Just two people who found someone they could built a happy, and lasting, relationship with. It's well worth the reality that I may be more of a caregiver at a younger age, and that we'll need to deal with issues of aging at a younger age than I would otherwise. I have no views on the other aspects of OP's ex-husband's new relationship, but the more general derogatory comments and assumption about partners with age differences don't reflect the reality of my family or relationship at all.


how old were you when you got married?


I was in my early 30s. We married about 6 years after we met.