Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This was a great thread -- thanks for sharing. my husband rocks at gift giving and he's getting an extra big hug and kiss tonight.

You need to start your own thread.

Happy people NOT wanted here . . .

Agree.

For the last decade, I've repeatedly told my husband (as in 3 times a year--Mother's day, birthday, Christmas) that I absolutely loathe getting things I don't really want. It ends up in the landfill in the long run, which is bad for the environment. Before that, it adds to the clutter around the house (which HE complains about), AND it's my money he's wasting too, which is completely stressing me out because we're just coming off two years of me being unemployed and have used all our savings--which makes me reluctant to donate ALL of it, but I don't have time return it, sell it all on craigslist or ebay (working, here! AND running the house! and paying the bills! and doing most of the shopping, cooking and laundry! and taking care of our kid!). So I have said (again, 3 times a year) please buy something you know I like or just stick with my Amazon wishlist. Also, I hate mums and daisies--but you buy them every Mother's Day. Finally, I'm not enjoying sex because you refuse to . . . (not going into details, but it's NOT something unheard of or unusual--and I have also brought this up multiple times). As you can imagine, right now we're NOT sleeping together. And I'm spending my Christmas sulking. Yes, I asked for a trash can, but it was a special one that I wanted to replace our dirty white plastic one. I did NOT ask for a $150 stick vaccuum cleaner or a frying pan. We HAVE a vacuum cleaner and a frying pan. Did I mention that he buys things HE wants and then says he was being thoughtful about me because we "needed" them?

Anonymous wrote:My husband just stinks at gift giving. I'm honestly not materialistic but his lack of gift buying efforts bums me out each year.
Last night i know he tried to find something on Amazon. He told me today he doesn't know what to buy me. He was going to get a robe or pajamas.
I don't need or want either. I have more pajamas than i know what to do with. I got 3 robes over the past 2 years from my mom and MIL and gave them all away. (how many robes does a person need?)

In 10 years of marriage he has never given me a piece of jewelry. I would LOVE jewelry. I have told him such. We have the money. He just doesn't want to put in the time or effort it would take to find something. I found something I liked this year. I spontaneously tried it on. He knew about it but didn't act on it. It's no longer available.

I'm okay with all of this but part of me is just bummed out. I want to feel cherished and like he cares enough to buy me something special. Anything. He could buy me ANY jewelry and I would be happy but he just doesn't. It's not the even the item that would mean something--it's the act of purchasing.

okay, vent over. I just told him not to buy me anything which I do at least every other year when we go through this whole song-and-dance again and again. Christmas is about our kids anyway.

Marry a woman.

Mine's not bad at gifts, per se, but he's bad at getting them on time for some reason. So, for example, he's got lots of things to open on Christmas Day from me but declares "you'll have your *insertitemherebecausehecan'tkeepasecret* next week." Occasionally, he'll forget (conveniently) and I won't mention it. Usually, he remembers, but sometimes it's way later.

Defeats the purpose. I like occasions (Taurus prototype). He likes spontaneity (Sag prototype).

He works a lot so this "next week" he might speak of? We'll probably not have a day together. I'll open the gift by myself and fake enthusiasm over the phone because the real enthusiasm would have come from spending the day together and opening gifts in turn.

Together.

On the day of the occasion.

Together.

In a timely manner.

He's always been like this. He's unorganized. Sweet and thoughtful and will give me whatever I want for no reason sometimes, but unorganized. MIL instilled this. She's giving but doesn't even always remember his birthday.

We've spoken about this. It's unfixable. I'm tempted to do away with occasions and just treat every day as an occasion.

Perhaps that's a lesson to be learned, anyway.

This is why our gift to each other for every gift giving occasion is sex. It's hard enough to get enough of it when we're raising kids anyway, its something we both want, its free, and best thing, it lets us spend time with each other, which is the best gift anyway. Everything else is typically something that ends up in a Goodwill pile eventually anyway.

My DH does terrible on his own. Even a wish list didn't help. One year, I asked for cute, colorful and cozy gloves, scarf and hat. I kid you not - he bought me incredibly thin gray fleece. The scarf is barely long enough to go around my neck.

I have a few local boutiques that I love. There is no way he can go wrong at these stores. So I just tell him that I wasnt something from one of those stores. He does great when he sticks to the plan.

Anonymous wrote:DH once got me a Charlie Brown desk calendar. Seriously. And I got him an Armani jacket...

See, I'd prefer the calendar.

DH once got me a Charlie Brown desk calendar. Seriously. And I got him an Armani jacket...

Anonymous wrote:My husband once bought me a gerbil for Christmas. A GERBIL !!!!!

Was it for himself? Is he gay?

My husband once bought me a gerbil for Christmas. A GERBIL !!!!!

Anonymous wrote:This thread has made me feel so much better.

In an ideal world, i'd receive gifts:
- on the morning of my birthday, not in the evening because he forgot/left it to the last minute
- that were truly thoughtful cos they are just for me, not for the house or really for him eg cookbooks, vases, home decorations, expensive sound system.

It's seriously not that hard. I've written a list and it included such simple things as an iTunes playlist collated by him, a new eyelash curler. I hoard presents for him for months beforehand and am literally giddy with excitement giving them to him. Tellingly, he is pretty blasé about receiving presents too.

This thread makes me realise tho that he's unlikely to change. He is otherwise a super partner, so I can't really complain. I can go shopping for myself tho!

I am glad this old thread was therapeutic for you, but why the need to respond to an ancient thread?

Anonymous wrote:I meant chores, not
coors

While not a fan of the beer, I'd still prefer Coors to chores.

This thread has made me feel so much better.

In an ideal world, i'd receive gifts:
- on the morning of my birthday, not in the evening because he forgot/left it to the last minute
- that were truly thoughtful cos they are just for me, not for the house or really for him eg cookbooks, vases, home decorations, expensive sound system.

It's seriously not that hard. I've written a list and it included such simple things as an iTunes playlist collated by him, a new eyelash curler. I hoard presents for him for months beforehand and am literally giddy with excitement giving them to him. Tellingly, he is pretty blasé about receiving presents too.

This thread makes me realise tho that he's unlikely to change. He is otherwise a super partner, so I can't really complain. I can go shopping for myself tho!

Anonymous wrote:Some of my gifts from my SH over the years have been:

Various exercise equipment (yes, because he wants me to lose weight)

A Dyson vacuum cleaner (to make my Coors more pleasant)

A Samsung tablet that he got free witha TV purchase

A handgun (that he wanted for himself)

That is so effed up! And I can totally relate.
Gems over the years from my DH:
A wall winerack from Fingerhut with painted green metal leaves and red plastic grapes
A Deepak Chopra video game on meditation (I'm a yoga fan)...given after he forgot Mother's Day
A tin of cheap lotion samples from CVS for Christmas purchased on Christmas Eve

He, on the otherhand, has received great gifts...movie gift certificates (big movie fan), prearranged and prepaid guys' nights out at bars and the like, a 50 inch tv, day trips to places he's always wanted to visit.
The thing is, I'm super easy to shop for and am quite satisfied if I only ever receive flowers, scented candles and/or nice bath and body products, plants for my garden, a nice bottle of wine, a gift card for a spa massage, or an occasional piece of jewelry. No need to reinvent the wheel, these are things I really like.

He knows this, but says he hates the predictability of such gifts. He finds it boring.

So I get the impractical patchwork purse from the Macy's clearance section.
Socks with preteen girly designs like lipstick tubes and polka dots. I'm in my late 30s.
Pajamas with kittens on them that were way too small.

Sigh. He's a great husband and father so this is more of a pet peeve than anything. But both our anniversary and my birthday are coming up and I pray he doesn't try to get "creative."

Gift giving can't be the only aspect of someone that's thoughtless of selfish. My husband blows at buying me gifts, because he only thinks about himself. He buys me a bike, cause he would like a bike. He buys me some frivolous thing when I need practical stuff. I just want to say, " buy me a gift card to a general store every year, for everything, so I can just get my basic needs met." I'm sick and tired of the disappointment.