Anonymous wrote:I mean, the thread is excellent, not my story.

The weirdest ones are always always lawyers.

I'm getting the strong impression that most of us work at a law firm or fed. (law firm here).

My admin is super awkward, like, doesn't say hi when she sees you in the hall. She has normal hair, but occasionally shows up with an ill-fitting wig and finally, she *literally* watches puppy cam all day. Sitting at her desk with her hands in her lap. At least put your hand on your mouse like you're about to do something else, lady! Agggghhh.

Anonymous wrote:Once, in a meeting with my former boss, I counted all of the pictures of her kids in her office. There were 53. I shit you not. Every surface COVERED in pictures of her three kids, including naked bathtime pictures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All relatively normal, except for the shy pee-er. If you approached the bathroom at the same time or just after her, she would change course or leave the bathroom. It was painfully obvious after a couple of times. But I sympathize. I simply cannot poop with someone else in the restroom.

Shy pee-er here. IT. Is. Not. Funny.

I stole an Out of Order sign from building maintenance card once and now whenever I have to poop at work, I hang it on the door and turn the lights off. Never been busted since but pooping in the dark is weird.

This one made me LOL. Way to go, PP!

Anonymous wrote:I had a coworkers who would put pictures of angry, snarling lions on her door when she was upset (which was often) and fluffy kittens and puppies when she was in a good mood. That's just one example of many from this character.

Ok, I literally made this face lol

I had a coworkers who would put pictures of angry, snarling lions on her door when she was upset (which was often) and fluffy kittens and puppies when she was in a good mood. That's just one example of many from this character.

Anonymous wrote:There's the lady in my office who carries her purse everywhere, like even to the copy machine 10 feet away from her desk. Lock it up lady!

She's the same person who carries a can of lysol to the bathroom with her. Why she doesn't put it in her purse is beyond me.

This lady sits next to me. She carries it on her shoulder and also holds onto the strap with her other hand, as if someone is going to snatch it from her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Co-worker who arrives two hours early (6 am) b/c she's afraid to drive in traffic

So she just sits around until her "work day" starts.

Co-worker who comes to work on extra days and days off and stays late. Not to do work. But because co-worker is afraid of being forgotten or not part of the working crowd. Puts on a front of being a dedicated, hard worker to other co-workers and family but really doesn't do much of anything work-related. Talk about needing to trim the fat.

LOL!

I mean, the thread is excellent, not my story.

This is excellent.

Small law firm, hired an office manager who came highly recommended by prominent law professor. She was a flamboyant pre-op transwoman with a truly bad look (stringy hair with 2" roots, drag-queen makeup several shades off her skin tone, morbidly obese in revealing clothes and ill-fitting fuck-me pumps). Weird baby voice. She spent several months mortifying young associates with surprise "work-related" trips to porn shops and sexually harassing the clerical staff, bringing in her young jock boyfriends and spending all day doing their college papers, generally not doing her job. She got me fired - threw away the instructions I had left for filings, etc. when I went on vacation, which screwed our clients, then told the partners I hadn't prepped her at all. It really stung, given my good record, but they were really that impressed with her resume.

They figured it out within a couple of months, but by that time she was embezzling and committing other fraud. The resume was fabricated, with friends pretending to be HR, and the great recommendation was a result of blackmail. This was pre-Google, so checking someone out was nowhere near as easy as it is now.

It turned out that all of her work experience was as a prostitute/sugar baby. A friend tracked her down recently and she is still getting it on with young blond jocks, apparently, and is an eminence grise in the San Francisco trans and sex worker advocacy communities.

I worked with a man who would sit at his desk and make sounds like exhale loudly as if he had been working out intensely, flap his lips like a horse or sigh deeply when bored.

Anonymous wrote:I have a coworker who sips water every day. Every sip is followed by a refreshing "AAAH". Every time.

This makes me laugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:Senior Partner at medium size law firm. He spends a good part of his day writing BDSM porn stories long-hand on yellow legal pads. He keeps them in a leather briefcase that he carries everywhere. The junior associates have named it "the football." There has been extensive debate among the other partners about what to do with the football is Senior Partner croaks at the office. Do we give it to his wife? Do throw it away and not tell her what happened to it?

wow - I like this one! OMG!

All these stories have me in stitches.

I have a couple, someone that reported to my DH picked his nose and would wipe the boogers under his desk, he worked there for 5 years! This was found out because the person who took over his desk gripped the bottom and felt something. YES FIVE years worth of buggers, disgusting!

Also, when I worked at a smallish law firm the senior partner would take magazines, newspapers, etc into the bathroom with him and then put them back out in the lobby for the clients to read! He would also when working late steal whatever was leftover in the fridge. He made well over six figures and was busted by a legal secretary.

At the same firm, a legal secretary would come in early go to lunch early like 10:40 -11am so that she wouldn't have to have lunch with anyone else, she would drink herself sick at lunch, come back to the office drunk, spray room deodorizer on herself and then either complain she was sick and needed to go home. One time she was so drunk she took her dentures off left the top at the copier and the bottom by the fax machine (this was in the 90s fax machines were it!) Poor woman, really hit a low and despite the firm getting her help, she ended up getting fired for not working a full 40 hrs.

Same place the office manager would NOT speak to anyone before 10 am or before she had drank her full cup of coffee. She would literally scream at you to leave her office because she hadn't had her full cup yet. She eventually was fired!

Anonymous wrote:This thread gives me confidence. If all these people still have jobs, nobody should worry about layoff.

You would think. See, you really don't need to be a hard worker or gifted to have a nice cushy job when you grow up.