Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 16:48     Subject: Re:My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote: Reading some of these responses— like the one above saying the husband is “missing his dad goggles”— makes me feel very sorry for dads who went into it with some ambivalence and are now coming under criticism and shaming from women who believe you can’t be a good dad if you aren’t 100% in love with the experience.


Think it from the child’s POV. Think of it from YOUR child’s POV. Wouldn’t it break your heart to know that your child’s father isn’t 100% in love and all in all the way on the experience?

Eventually the ambivalence becomes known to the child and it breaks something inside of them.

Lots of shattered adults out there because they had crappy, neglectful parents who didn’t shower them with love and acceptance.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:49     Subject: Re:My DH regrets having kids
Reading some of these responses— like the one above saying the husband is “missing his dad goggles”— makes me feel very sorry for dads who went into it with some ambivalence and are now coming under criticism and shaming from women who believe you can’t be a good dad if you aren’t 100% in love with the experience.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:36     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relentless Nightmare PP is right. I love my kids dearly but would not necessarily choose to have them again if I had known what parenting and marriage take. When DH and I both worked life was just a whirlwind of exhaustion and frustration.


Ditto. A lot of people feel the same.


NP, yep. Lots of people aren't being honest. Pretending that parenthood is blissful is complete bs. I respect op's husband for his honesty


I strongly disagree. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but it is a lot more of the time than it’s not.

I was just standing in the kitchen. My 9 yo came in to get something and he randomly gave me a hug and said “you’re the best mom ever.”

Totally out of the blue.

I can’t imagine living without him or my other children or why I would want to.


+1

Going to a bar is better than the way your kids love and need you? Does not compute.

It’s a lot of work but there’s something about the way you love them and vice versa that makes it worth it. I think people are biologically programmed to think their kids are the cutest, smartest, most fascinating creatures on earth.

Sounds like OP’s husband is missing his dad goggles.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:33     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relentless Nightmare PP is right. I love my kids dearly but would not necessarily choose to have them again if I had known what parenting and marriage take. When DH and I both worked life was just a whirlwind of exhaustion and frustration.


Ditto. A lot of people feel the same.


NP, yep. Lots of people aren't being honest. Pretending that parenthood is blissful is complete bs. I respect op's husband for his honesty


I strongly disagree. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but it is a lot more of the time than it’s not.

I was just standing in the kitchen. My 9 yo came in to get something and he randomly gave me a hug and said “you’re the best mom ever.”

Totally out of the blue.

I can’t imagine living without him or my other children or why I would want to.


If I had to guess, the vast majority of parents, like 98%, adore their kids and they they are the most precious things in their lives.

OP’s husband has problems.

The PPs said “a lot of people”, not “everybody”.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:23     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relentless Nightmare PP is right. I love my kids dearly but would not necessarily choose to have them again if I had known what parenting and marriage take. When DH and I both worked life was just a whirlwind of exhaustion and frustration.


Ditto. A lot of people feel the same.


NP, yep. Lots of people aren't being honest. Pretending that parenthood is blissful is complete bs. I respect op's husband for his honesty


I strongly disagree. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but it is a lot more of the time than it’s not.

I was just standing in the kitchen. My 9 yo came in to get something and he randomly gave me a hug and said “you’re the best mom ever.”

Totally out of the blue.

I can’t imagine living without him or my other children or why I would want to.


The PPs said “a lot of people”, not “everybody”.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:20     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
OP, your husband has been honest with you. Meeting his honesty with derision, or attempting to change how he feels, is a relationship killer.

I would focus on working with him on strategies that allow him to deal better with his situation. For example, finding set times each week that he gets alone to himself to do what he wants. (The trade off is that you get the same— either he watches them or you get a babysitter.) And I think he could greatly benefit from talking with a therapist about this.

Not everyone likes having children. If you work together to honestly address this, I do think it will help your entire family.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:15     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relentless Nightmare PP is right. I love my kids dearly but would not necessarily choose to have them again if I had known what parenting and marriage take. When DH and I both worked life was just a whirlwind of exhaustion and frustration.


Ditto. A lot of people feel the same.


NP, yep. Lots of people aren't being honest. Pretending that parenthood is blissful is complete bs. I respect op's husband for his honesty


I strongly disagree. It’s not always rainbows and butterflies but it is a lot more of the time than it’s not.

I was just standing in the kitchen. My 9 yo came in to get something and he randomly gave me a hug and said “you’re the best mom ever.”

Totally out of the blue.

I can’t imagine living without him or my other children or why I would want to.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:15     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Tell him if you divorce he will get 50/50 custody.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:13     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
That is so sad.

For me, this would absolutely be a relationship ending issue. I would not tolerate talk like that and I wouldn’t want my kids to be around such a bad father.

Yes it will become apparent to them as they get older.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 15:08     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relentless Nightmare PP is right. I love my kids dearly but would not necessarily choose to have them again if I had known what parenting and marriage take. When DH and I both worked life was just a whirlwind of exhaustion and frustration.


Ditto. A lot of people feel the same.


NP, yep. Lots of people aren't being honest. Pretending that parenthood is blissful is complete bs. I respect op's husband for his honesty


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 14:38     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.


I like your honesty.

-Female


Oh...another dumb man.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 14:37     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
It's a real shame that he doesn't recognize how lucky is. I can tell you are a sweet wife also.

Some men are SO dumb.
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 14:06     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:Another father here. Anyone in their right mind regrets having kids. It is a relentless nightmare.
I agree that there is not point complaining about it though. You can't push the shit back into the horse, as they say.
Next time he complains just point out that it is only a few more decades before the sweet release of death. Until then he just has to suck it up like the rest of us.


I like your honesty.

-Female
Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 11:09     Subject: Re:My DH regrets having kids
My husband wishes we used a sperm donor. I don't disagree. Significant learning disabilities and mental illness run in his family and our son is profoundly affected.itbis git wrenching but also exhausting to be his parent and we feel bereft, worried guilty.

Anonymous
Post 01/12/2020 09:43     Subject: My DH regrets having kids
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Relentless Nightmare PP is right. I love my kids dearly but would not necessarily choose to have them again if I had known what parenting and marriage take. When DH and I both worked life was just a whirlwind of exhaustion and frustration.


Ditto. A lot of people feel the same.


NP, yep. Lots of people aren't being honest. Pretending that parenthood is blissful is complete bs. I respect op's husband for his honesty