Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Serious question, why not donate some of that money since you don't need it?

Anonymous wrote:My NW is $20million. I have trouble spending money, and only buy necessities. I wish I could but I can’t. Don’t be judgmental.

Anonymous wrote:My parents (and I + DH, to be honest) are like that. I find peace in having money, I don’t enjoy spending money on many things and I like the feeling of being thrifty. DH’s parents spend every cent as they get it and live way beyond their means. No idea how they sleep at night or what they plan to do in their 80s and 90s, should they live that long. But to each their own. Neither way is exactly right or wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -

seems like it was a combination of having periods of financial stress (unemployed) and market appreciation (mostly in growth tech) over the last few years. so outside of last 2 years the portfolio was much smaller.

What are you trying to say here, OP? your subject is "Cheap and Stringy Parents". If you are cheap and stringy like your IL, then you do not have financial stress and your portfolio should be bigger.

Anonymous wrote:OP Here -

seems like it was a combination of having periods of financial stress (unemployed) and market appreciation (mostly in growth tech) over the last few years. so outside of last 2 years the portfolio was much smaller.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

I currently have a 40 year old Maytag washer and dryer. Try to get that performance out of the new ones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the reason they have that $7 million is that they were frugal and they saved and invested.

They wouldn’t have that much if they had been spending extravagantly all those years- and then you’d be here complaining that you and your spouse would have to be financially responsible for your MIL.

Yeah, I'm sure Op would be complaining if her MIL has $5m in an investment account, and the tremendous financial burden that would have caused them. How dare her ILs spend that $2m on themselves?

Don't be dense, PP - OP isn't wishing that her ILs spent their last nickel, just that they enjoyed themselves a bit more, or made their lives a little easier, with some of that money.

OP Here - exactly, i mean it's pretty hard to spend $100k extra per year when your whole life you never did.
A
But a cleaning lady is $5-10k a year. They shouldn't be cleaning toilets at 75 years old.

I’ve been very critical of you OP because of how you described your inlaws. Yes, I agree about as you age, you should spend the money to make your everyday lifestyle easier. I’m thinking after saving and spending frugally, they would not have known where to begin to hire help. Eighty year old people aren’t actually on the internet searching for trustworthy housekeepers. That’s something her son, your husband, should have helped his parents lean into a long time ago. But it’s never too late for him to start.

You don't think we have tried? What do you do when they keep sending the caretaker home. And the siblings are paying for it so it's not even the money.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I kept urging my parents to spend more money on themselves or donate more. My mom died recently with $3M in Inherited stock in her name only, yet she was always trying to find deals at Ross and TJ Maxx. You just can't take that frugal attitude out of people. At least my dad made a $15,000 donation to the Naval Academy Alumni Association recently, but he still has several million in investments. He's 90, so the only major expenses he is going to have will be for assisted living or memory care. He also gets $6,500 a month in pension income, so that would cover a good portion of his long-term care needs.

I like getting good deals. IMO, paying full price for similar items feels like corporations are pulling a fast one on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can look at this a couple of different ways. I think you have to take a generous view and think he was more concerned with making sure that his money would last his whole life and his wife would not want for anything after he passed than that he was cheap or stingy. Many older people keep using old appliances that aren't functioning at top performance because using something until it actually dies was just the way things went.

And those appliances will last longer than a new one purchased today, even if not at top performance.

Oh BS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't sound like it's any of your business OP. Are you worried your MIL was "forced" to live like that? I don't see where you come in the picture.

It's her family, that makes it her business.

And she's not telling anyone what to do, just expressing that it's too bad that her IL's frugality has led to them not enjoying their money, which I think is an empathetic take.

I understand because I have similar feelings about my MIL. My FIL was very controlling when he was alive and wouldn't allow them to do a lot of things they could afford to do. Now that he's gone MIL is doing some of those things but she also often expresses that she feels guilty when she does them, like she shouldn't be spending the money (HER money, fully half of it is from her pension and savings, she worked for 30 years). DH and I both strongly encourage her to spend it without guilt and remind her she deserves to enjoy her life. But it is sad to me that it's so hard for her to do so, in part because FIL really criticized/restricted spending money on anything that wasn't completely necessary, and she still lives in that shadow.

I could have written this about my own parents. After my dad died, we find out they have a $6M portfolio plus a house. They flew business class exactly once, and only because I suggested it. My mom still doesn't fly business class, but then she's not traveling much these days.

Anonymous wrote:My brother and I kept urging my parents to spend more money on themselves or donate more. My mom died recently with $3M in Inherited stock in her name only, yet she was always trying to find deals at Ross and TJ Maxx. You just can't take that frugal attitude out of people. At least my dad made a $15,000 donation to the Naval Academy Alumni Association recently, but he still has several million in investments. He's 90, so the only major expenses he is going to have will be for assisted living or memory care. He also gets $6,500 a month in pension income, so that would cover a good portion of his long-term care needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My dad was like this. The week after he died it was like my mom won the lottery. Brand new car (had never had one in her life), booked tons of travel, planned a big addition on her house. It’s gross.

What's gross about it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP is recounting laudable frugality. I don't understand why she doesn't understand that her in-laws WANTED to live that way, and that it made them happy.

I live that way too. I have 25M. I live a modest lifestyle. I don't need outward signs of wealth to keep me happy, and I certainly do not seek to attract attention to myself.

I think OP is jealous somehow.

Yep. I think OP is really annoyed that they didn’t spend their money on her family, taking them on vacations, paying tuitions, maybe just giving expensive gifts on a regular basis. She’s also mad that she and her husband spent time helping them do things that they could have just paid someone else to do.

OP here - we have plenty of our own money.

I wish they had spent more to replace items that were worn, didn't work. i wish they were more willing to have help when they needed it.