Anonymous wrote:There is a lot of ugliness in this thread, and I’m choosing to believe most of it is from trolls or people who are intentionally antagonistic.

Many women who are moms of young kids today came into the work world as things were becoming increasingly flexible. Now we see a backlash and retraction on flexibility. It might have been easy for people 10-15 or more years ago to deal with this because this is how it always was. Now, we have seen it can be different and that business owners and political leaders who are typically rich men are choosing to take flexibility away from the masses.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s how we made it work- my kids are out of the house now so mainly this was pre-pandemic/telework.
1. Few activities. They probably just had one each at any one time.
2. Lots of independence and responsibility. The kids did their own laundry from 8 or 9, and cooked a meal a week from 12 or 13. They took themselves to activities on their own by bus or bike from 12 onwards. They walked to school on their own from 9 onwards.
3. We had a nanny from 3 to 6 for a couple of years during the worst of it.

It wasn’t easy but the kids don’t seem any the worse for it. Indeed, they adapted to college much better than many of their peers. I think we infantilize kids in this country.

This. My parents were both doctors who had very inflexible jobs. All of our afterschool activities were done through the school. We otherwise were latchkey kids who made our own dinners most nights of the week. We also would clean up after ourselves, do the laundry, bike to the grocery store, etc., without being told. The only kids I knew who went to therapy were kids who had SAHMs. Otherwise you had to figure things out on your own. But there was also wasn't the expectation to go to college. ADHD kids usually went to vocational school instead of high school, and did better there.

I remember school activities were extremely boring, just kids hanging out.
I wish I had done serious dance or sports or music. That’s going to be harder when you are an adult.

Anonymous wrote:I gave up on my career.

My husband makes literally ten times more money than I would ever make in a year and I was just so sick of constantly being completely stressed out, all the time.

And it only got worse when the kids got to high school, that's when I just gave up.

Anonymous wrote:I thought WOHM life was fantastic and these supermoms did everything that a SAHM does and more?? 🤔

- SAHM

Anonymous wrote:I thought WOHM life was fantastic and these supermoms did everything that a SAHM does and more?? 🤔

- SAHM

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

A third person is the key. In less affluent households, the older daughters are given the responsibility.

I’m an older Gen X and we did it because our mortgage small enough that we had a full time nanny for a LONG time. A 3rd adult is how we did it.

Anonymous wrote:How did the older GenX and younger baby boomers in dual working households get it done? Not teleworking — not in 1999, 2001. And no professionals in DC lived near their moms then so that also isn’t the answer

I do think commutes weren’t an hour+ each way then. But mainly we just … did it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless husnand and wife both have high paid meaningful jobs or both low paid jobs that need both incomes it is selfish to both work
with young kids at home.

Got it 100% of men are selfish.

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Anonymous wrote: Try being one parent who works two jobs and holds it all down solo. That is real fatigue. I would kill to have just one job or to have a second parent and income in our household. You’ve got both. Please realize how lucky you are!

Was all of the above - not a result of your own life-choices? Why are you deciding to be a single parent or even a parent - without full planning?

You relinquish all rights to complain when you become a parent because you signed up for this. Unless, of course, you were trafficked and you were bred forcefully without your consent and had no recourse to BC/abortion.

My DH dying was not my choice or his. Things happen in life and they aren't always planned.

Life insurance? And don’t the kids get social security from him?

And I’m pretty sure the SS is tax free.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless husnand and wife both have high paid meaningful jobs or both low paid jobs that need both incomes it is selfish to both work
with young kids at home.

Needing both incomes is not binary, and a lot of wage growth comes after your first kid is born, but only if you stick to working. I would not have had kids if it meant not working, and you can look to South Korea for an example of how that plays out.

That’s a myth for most. My wife’s career hit a dead end at 34. Working 14 years on Wall Street. Same major bank she was in mgt. training program. She left at 35 and had kids 35, 37 and 42. She was never making it to next level. Her career was at tail end by 32. It is up or out. In banking, Wall Street, big 4 by 36, 90 percent of people career is over. Continue to work is silly if spouse has big job

I worked with lots of “career women” who did not figure it out till 45 and missed the boat on kids.