Anonymous
03/23/2026 19:52
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.
Hell no. My husbands family is not my family and I would not allow them into my home.
But your husband can let HIS family into HIS home. Selfish twit.
Why? He won’t either. They do not get to stay in our house. Why that bother you so much? Its my house and I choose who enters and exists.
Why is just your choice? I doubt you own 1 home.
Because I’m the mom…why else? If they want to pay, then maybe they can stay, but otherwise no. They aren’t entitled to staying in my house. I’d let my parents live there for free if they wanted to, but I do not need to treat inlaws that same way. You must be a annoying boy mom..😢😢
Dad has no say? I have a boy and a girl, but thanks for protecting.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 19:50
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
There was a "family cabin" in dh's family.
It was stocked with some essentials. Paper towel, TP, salt and pepper, coffee. The expectation was that you left it ready for the next person to use.
Clean, make note of any necessary re-stocking for the person who handled that, etc.
We took our own bedding and towels.
It worked for a number of years, until one family started treating as if they owned it. They didn't let anyone know if anything needed to be restocked. Didn't clean, left all of their belongings behind. It has since been sold.
In your case OP I would say no unless whatever expectations are met. It's OK to simply say no, too.
It was stocked with some essentials. Paper towel, TP, salt and pepper, coffee. The expectation was that you left it ready for the next person to use.
Clean, make note of any necessary re-stocking for the person who handled that, etc.
We took our own bedding and towels.
It worked for a number of years, until one family started treating as if they owned it. They didn't let anyone know if anything needed to be restocked. Didn't clean, left all of their belongings behind. It has since been sold.
In your case OP I would say no unless whatever expectations are met. It's OK to simply say no, too.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 19:31
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
My poor FIL had a small rustic cabin in an idyllic little spot. My MIL/they let family use it whenever they weren’t there. As a result, my FIL spent his limited vacation on routine maintenance and repairing all the damage. They eventually learned to say no.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 17:38
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.
Hell no. My husbands family is not my family and I would not allow them into my home.
But your husband can let HIS family into HIS home. Selfish twit.
Why? He won’t either. They do not get to stay in our house. Why that bother you so much? Its my house and I choose who enters and exists.
Why is just your choice? I doubt you own 1 home.
Because I’m the mom…why else? If they want to pay, then maybe they can stay, but otherwise no. They aren’t entitled to staying in my house. I’d let my parents live there for free if they wanted to, but I do not need to treat inlaws that same way. You must be a annoying boy mom..😢😢
I’m the mom and wife, and I get a say in all the important decisions in my household. Not sure why you're so upset—I'm just looking out for my family. I won’t ever allow my in-laws to stay at my house, no exceptions. Not sure why you’re so invested in this. Go kick rocks, granny.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 17:30
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.
Hell no. My husbands family is not my family and I would not allow them into my home.
But your husband can let HIS family into HIS home. Selfish twit.
Why? He won’t either. They do not get to stay in our house. Why that bother you so much? Its my house and I choose who enters and exists.
Why is just your choice? I doubt you own 1 home.
Because I’m the mom…why else? If they want to pay, then maybe they can stay, but otherwise no. They aren’t entitled to staying in my house. I’d let my parents live there for free if they wanted to, but I do not need to treat inlaws that same way. You must be a annoying boy mom..😢😢
Anonymous
03/23/2026 17:27
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.
Whoever stays pays the cleaning fees.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 17:25
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.
Hell no. My husbands family is not my family and I would not allow them into my home.
But your husband can let HIS family into HIS home. Selfish twit.
Why? He won’t either. They do not get to stay in our house. Why that bother you so much? Its my house and I choose who enters and exists.
Why is just your choice? I doubt you own 1 home.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 17:22
Subject: Re:In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.
It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .
Anonymous
03/23/2026 16:45
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.
The bigger issue is the lack of a security deposit or specialized insurance.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 16:43
Subject: Re:In laws wanting to use new vacation home
I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.
They could. Somehow on DCUM no one wants to actually communicate - they'd rather be offended
Anonymous
03/23/2026 16:39
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.
Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?
We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.
I would say no. I’d rather have the house empty than other people living in it.
My in-laws have a vacation home like this. I’ve never asked to stay there, even when I’m in the area. I’d much rather pay for a place where I don’t have to deal with all the family politics.
+1
Anonymous
03/23/2026 15:56
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 15:51
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We’ve used family’s second homes and not only did we pay for a cleaning crew, we replaced burned out light bulbs, batteries in remotes and smoke detectors that beeped, leave a nice bottle of wine and mailed the owner a thank you card with a gift card to use. We rarely ask to return since we like to travel to a variety of places. We bring our own toiletries and food.
If everyone were like you, this discussion would be very different.
I’d bet the owners offered it, the PP didn’t ask.
The OP said that they recently acquired the house and have let the BIL stay there once already. He’s now asking again and clearly viewing this as an easy free vacation house available to him whenever the OP isn’t there. If OP says yes, this will keep coming up.
I’d say no and make something up like you may actually be there or you having work done. If he pushes in any way or asks again then you have to be direct that you really aren’t comfortable lending it out frequently. If he still pushes, just say the answer is no.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 15:36
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:We’ve used family’s second homes and not only did we pay for a cleaning crew, we replaced burned out light bulbs, batteries in remotes and smoke detectors that beeped, leave a nice bottle of wine and mailed the owner a thank you card with a gift card to use. We rarely ask to return since we like to travel to a variety of places. We bring our own toiletries and food.
If everyone were like you, this discussion would be very different.
Anonymous
03/23/2026 15:33
Subject: In laws wanting to use new vacation home
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.
Hell no. My husbands family is not my family and I would not allow them into my home.
But your husband can let HIS family into HIS home. Selfish twit.
Why? He won’t either. They do not get to stay in our house. Why that bother you so much? Its my house and I choose who enters and exists.