Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step parents are evil.

Both my biological sister and I moved in with our mom and step father at different points in our 20s. He welcomed us like his own children. Some step parents are great.

The op of this thread though, not so much.

In most marriages the women take on the bulk of the work to run the home. Your stepdad probably didn’t even notice increased workload from your presence. The OP on the other hand, is in the position where she will play maid to an adult man and her husband thinks this isn’t a big deal.

And most importantly, this man has no job prospects and no plans to move out. She’s going to spend her retirement cleaning up after an adult who’s always in her space and never leaves. Divorce would be a million times better.

It’s a very different situation than what you experienced.

This!! I am a stepmom to failure to launch stepsons. They don't clean up after themselves. My husband does not set the expectations that they do so, despite me arguing with him that he should. They don't listen to me. He sometimes cleans up after them, but most of it falls to me. I've no interest in spending the rest of my life cleaning up after three grown men or living in a pigsty. I'm considering divorce or potentially moving out at least. We were supposed to be empty nesters at this point and instead they are here 100 percent of the time (up from fifty percent of the time when they were in high school and my husband had fifty fifty custody). Note - their MOM does not let them live with her!

If my husband was following around them cleaning up after their sloth, it would be somewhat more tolerable. Also, I think the PP before this one is a girl. Two daughters living with a mom are probably a lot cleaner and more responsible than two sons living with their dad. It's just a completely different dynamic.

Surely there were signs that they will be useless. I dated someone whose kid was bipolar+ and who himself through a tantrum. Poor thing was overwhelmed with emotions when he couldn't find a new shirt from the mess that his house was. He could, however, act totally normal in public. Imagine if I had been understanding enough to stay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step parents are evil.

Both my biological sister and I moved in with our mom and step father at different points in our 20s. He welcomed us like his own children. Some step parents are great.

The op of this thread though, not so much.

In most marriages the women take on the bulk of the work to run the home. Your stepdad probably didn’t even notice increased workload from your presence. The OP on the other hand, is in the position where she will play maid to an adult man and her husband thinks this isn’t a big deal.

And most importantly, this man has no job prospects and no plans to move out. She’s going to spend her retirement cleaning up after an adult who’s always in her space and never leaves. Divorce would be a million times better.

It’s a very different situation than what you experienced.

This!! I am a stepmom to failure to launch stepsons. They don't clean up after themselves. My husband does not set the expectations that they do so, despite me arguing with him that he should. They don't listen to me. He sometimes cleans up after them, but most of it falls to me. I've no interest in spending the rest of my life cleaning up after three grown men or living in a pigsty. I'm considering divorce or potentially moving out at least. We were supposed to be empty nesters at this point and instead they are here 100 percent of the time (up from fifty percent of the time when they were in high school and my husband had fifty fifty custody). Note - their MOM does not let them live with her!

If my husband was following around them cleaning up after their sloth, it would be somewhat more tolerable. Also, I think the PP before this one is a girl. Two daughters living with a mom are probably a lot cleaner and more responsible than two sons living with their dad. It's just a completely different dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Ok. So he is a "Failure to Launch". What do parents do when this happens? They let them stay in their home and support them for as long as needed. They get them the treatment, new skills, therapy, coaching, more schooling, more experience etc to let them live a productive and independent life - eventually.

Your feelings are valid as a step-mom. You are not supposed to be kind, loving or motherly. You are supposed to be evil and horrible and a first class Beeitch. And that you are.

Carry on.

Yes.

It’s not uncommon for women to realize they don’t want to play that role and then leave. That’s the only solution.

No one is stopping the women from leaving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Ok. So he is a "Failure to Launch". What do parents do when this happens? They let them stay in their home and support them for as long as needed. They get them the treatment, new skills, therapy, coaching, more schooling, more experience etc to let them live a productive and independent life - eventually.

Your feelings are valid as a step-mom. You are not supposed to be kind, loving or motherly. You are supposed to be evil and horrible and a first class Beeitch. And that you are.

Carry on.

Yes.

It’s not uncommon for women to realize they don’t want to play that role and then leave. That’s the only solution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Ok. So he is a "Failure to Launch". What do parents do when this happens? They let them stay in their home and support them for as long as needed. They get them the treatment, new skills, therapy, coaching, more schooling, more experience etc to let them live a productive and independent life - eventually.

Your feelings are valid as a step-mom. You are not supposed to be kind, loving or motherly. You are supposed to be evil and horrible and a first class Beeitch. And that you are.

Carry on.

Yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step parents are evil.

Both my biological sister and I moved in with our mom and step father at different points in our 20s. He welcomed us like his own children. Some step parents are great.

The op of this thread though, not so much.

In most marriages the women take on the bulk of the work to run the home. Your stepdad probably didn’t even notice increased workload from your presence. The OP on the other hand, is in the position where she will play maid to an adult man and her husband thinks this isn’t a big deal.

And most importantly, this man has no job prospects and no plans to move out. She’s going to spend her retirement cleaning up after an adult who’s always in her space and never leaves. Divorce would be a million times better.

It’s a very different situation than what you experienced.

This!! I am a stepmom to failure to launch stepsons. They don't clean up after themselves. My husband does not set the expectations that they do so, despite me arguing with him that he should. They don't listen to me. He sometimes cleans up after them, but most of it falls to me. I've no interest in spending the rest of my life cleaning up after three grown men or living in a pigsty. I'm considering divorce or potentially moving out at least. We were supposed to be empty nesters at this point and instead they are here 100 percent of the time (up from fifty percent of the time when they were in high school and my husband had fifty fifty custody). Note - their MOM does not let them live with her!

If my husband was following around them cleaning up after their sloth, it would be somewhat more tolerable. Also, I think the PP before this one is a girl. Two daughters living with a mom are probably a lot cleaner and more responsible than two sons living with their dad. It's just a completely different dynamic.

Anonymous wrote:Step kiddo 27 was a “promising student” in school but hasn’t been much successful. Graduated from college with niche/unhelpful major, tried out the job rodeo (failed), now moving back in with us. I don’t support it, you’ve gotta move out and find yourself in that way, right? It’s what I always did and I turned out I just fine if I do say so myself. But DH claims that I “never saw [step kid] as my own kid” and that’s what’s fueling my feelings. Well no, I saw my step kid as my step kid. All right and so what? The issue I need your helps with is encouraging my STEP child to move out while avoiding drama with DH.

Anonymous wrote:Is the step’ child’s mother involved at all?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Step parents are evil.

Both my biological sister and I moved in with our mom and step father at different points in our 20s. He welcomed us like his own children. Some step parents are great.

The op of this thread though, not so much.

In most marriages the women take on the bulk of the work to run the home. Your stepdad probably didn’t even notice increased workload from your presence. The OP on the other hand, is in the position where she will play maid to an adult man and her husband thinks this isn’t a big deal.

And most importantly, this man has no job prospects and no plans to move out. She’s going to spend her retirement cleaning up after an adult who’s always in her space and never leaves. Divorce would be a million times better.

It’s a very different situation than what you experienced.