Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

NP. Sounds like you are the one with the boring life. Trying to imagine this intrigue with someone else’s husband and all.

Well it’s in my original post, my life is boring now. Wasn’t always that way lol

Then why are you calling other people boring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, I’m not really sure what you are looking for.

You are obviously excited at the thought of sleeping with him, but when multiple people pointed out he’s married and this is a bad situation, you say “well it’s normal in my culture to stay with friends!”

Obviously it’s not THAT normal and common to have friends stay over if you’re giddy over hooking up with this guy.

Not sure why you’re so excited about a man who judges women on their beauty and sleeps over at other women’s houses while married. This guy is a loser, whether it’s culture or not. Not worth your time or mental energy.

I haven’t decided if I’d sleep with him, it’s a maybe.
And I don’t care about his moral qualities as I don’t want to have any sort of a relationship with him.
I am just wondering if he’ll make a move.

I didn’t want to go into details but I don’t want a relationship, with anyone. The guys who are interested - they are below me, the guys I’m interested in would probably not give me the time of day, I didn’t check.
A short fling with someone I won’t see for another few years if ever would be perfect, it’s not lack of self respect, but I’m not going to over explain myself here.

You need to lower your standards. You aren't attractive and you are stuck in the past.

Why would any guy want a relationship with you? You offer nothing.

I don’t want a relationship, I’ve said as much.
I don’t need to lower my standards because it’s not about sleeping with or having a relationship with anyone.
I want what I want.
If I can’t get it, I’d rather do without.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

OK, so you are desparate.

Depends on your definition of “despArate”.
Settling for this because I can’t have more or better? No.
This is potentially the situation I prefer. A one night stand with no follow up

Isn't he staying for a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some things need to be explained.
First, we are both not from the U.S.
Where we are from, looks are important.
Staying at a hotel isn’t as customary. If there’s a friend who has a spare room it’s totally normal to crush at someone’s house.
As for “forgetting” his wallet he already said he owed me and I said it was fine but he could pay for a meal if he wanted to. I know DCUM’s imagination runs wild but he isn’t a cheapskate

How did he made the move the first time?

I knew he was into me, has been for a while. One day I invited him over and voila.
We weren’t in a relationship in a traditional sense, we both moved on to other pastures

In high school, I'm guessing

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

OK, so you are desparate.

Depends on your definition of “despArate”.
Settling for this because I can’t have more or better? No.
This is potentially the situation I prefer. A one night stand with no follow up

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Girl, I’m not really sure what you are looking for.

You are obviously excited at the thought of sleeping with him, but when multiple people pointed out he’s married and this is a bad situation, you say “well it’s normal in my culture to stay with friends!”

Obviously it’s not THAT normal and common to have friends stay over if you’re giddy over hooking up with this guy.

Not sure why you’re so excited about a man who judges women on their beauty and sleeps over at other women’s houses while married. This guy is a loser, whether it’s culture or not. Not worth your time or mental energy.

I haven’t decided if I’d sleep with him, it’s a maybe.
And I don’t care about his moral qualities as I don’t want to have any sort of a relationship with him.
I am just wondering if he’ll make a move.

I didn’t want to go into details but I don’t want a relationship, with anyone. The guys who are interested - they are below me, the guys I’m interested in would probably not give me the time of day, I didn’t check.
A short fling with someone I won’t see for another few years if ever would be perfect, it’s not lack of self respect, but I’m not going to over explain myself here.

You need to lower your standards. You aren't attractive and you are stuck in the past.

Why would any guy want a relationship with you? You offer nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

NP. Sounds like you are the one with the boring life. Trying to imagine this intrigue with someone else’s husband and all.

Well it’s in my original post, my life is boring now. Wasn’t always that way lol

Anonymous wrote:OP are you horny? How's your current sex life? It seems to me that you are looking for someone who can rearrange you guts.

Yes but without the cumbersome dating process and no risk of having to figure out a relationship that might ensue

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

NP. Sounds like you are the one with the boring life. Trying to imagine this intrigue with someone else’s husband and all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

OK, so you are desparate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think some things need to be explained.
First, we are both not from the U.S.
Where we are from, looks are important.
Staying at a hotel isn’t as customary. If there’s a friend who has a spare room it’s totally normal to crush at someone’s house.
As for “forgetting” his wallet he already said he owed me and I said it was fine but he could pay for a meal if he wanted to. I know DCUM’s imagination runs wild but he isn’t a cheapskate

How did he made the move the first time?

I knew he was into me, has been for a while. One day I invited him over and voila.
We weren’t in a relationship in a traditional sense, we both moved on to other pastures

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Please understand that not everyone has life as straightforward or maybe boring as yours.
When I was young and good looking, he didn’t matter much as I had other prospects.
Now it matters because I don’t have romantic prospects. He is the only good looking man who I am friendly with. If he was fat I wouldn’t even think about anything.
It’s not being over or not over him. It’s having someone at arms reach who you don’t need to get to know and who is good looking and will luckily leave in a week.

Anonymous wrote:I think some things need to be explained.
First, we are both not from the U.S.
Where we are from, looks are important.
Staying at a hotel isn’t as customary. If there’s a friend who has a spare room it’s totally normal to crush at someone’s house.
As for “forgetting” his wallet he already said he owed me and I said it was fine but he could pay for a meal if he wanted to. I know DCUM’s imagination runs wild but he isn’t a cheapskate

How did he made the move the first time?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What sort of 40 yr old married man crashes on opposite gender friend's couch if they've some history and she isn't over him? This guy is cheap and cheat?

I wouldn’t say I’m “not over him”, I wasn’t that into him to begin with. It’s not a couch as I said before and I regret using the figure of speech for old times sake. He most likely has no idea that I’m even thinking about it

Honey you aren't fooling anyone. You definitely aren't over him. You are giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing him much less having him sleepover.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be an adult. Set the boundaries you want to set. Communicate. If it gets flirty, decide what you want to do but accept it would be just sex with nothing else.

Unless he has other business in town, then yes he would likely enjoy being invited into your bed. If he is coming just into see you and hang out with you, he is hoping for Netflix and chill

He does have other business in town (not just coming to see me or the area).
I won’t say no if he makes the move, but I am not going to make the first move because he is so much better looking I feel self-conscious, plus I don’t want to hear the “but I’m married”.

But he IS married. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t understand him, their sex isn’t good, they don’t have sex anymore, or he’s thinking about divorce, they are still married.

Normally, I would say that as a friend you should go beyond “not flirting” and make sure the interaction is framed as “just friends” with anything “friendlier” being off the table - asking about his wife and any kids, and bringing them up repeatedly in positive terms, keeping things casual and detached, and avoiding any kind of intimacy altogether. A friend would want to support her friend’s marriage and family, not allow any room for anything that might cause him guilt or strife later.

Moreover, I would add that I would say you should have more self-respect than to have sex with the kind of low-life who would cheat on his wife.

On the other hand, you’re apparently the kind of low-life who thinks it’s perfectly fine to sleep with a married man and finds the prospect appealing, your only worry is your pride if he turns you down.

If you have any shred of decency, don’t do this. If not for his sake, or your own, then do it for the sake of his wife. She has built her life around the assumption that he can be trusted with her physical, emotional, and financial well-being as well as that of any children they may have, based on the promises he made her. You have no right to be any part of undermining that, certainly not to feed your ego.