Anonymous
02/23/2026 14:35
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.
If your school did OP leave.
Not true - I work in Development and hour Head specifically tailors his amounts to according the research on the family's capacity.
Definitely creepy. Your “research” is just an abuse of the privacy of the families at the school.
DP. It’s not an “abuse of privacy”. They don’t tell anyone about a family’s wealth. They use the information only to try to tailor requests to potential large donors. Many nonprofits do this. If you get junk mail asking for donations to help sick kids or abused dogs or anything else, they’ve used the same tools. They aren’t going to start with a $100k ask because they don’t have a connection with you yet, but your kids’ school does have a connection.
Wrong. It is absolutely a violation of the privacy of the families that school is supposed to serve. Did you ask for consent?
DP, but you don’t have “privacy.” Anything anyone wants to know about you is available on the internet to any person who knows where to look.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 14:31
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We’re been asked for $100k ($20k for 5 years, more specifically) 3 times. Unlucky to be at 2 schools and 1 church during capital campaigns. Your income may put you in that category or they made a mistake based on something else.
Whatever it is, it’s not a big deal. Commit a smaller amount and move on.
Op, yes, they said they would “offer the option” of paying over 5 years if we couldn’t cough it up today.
Whatever their alleged wealth detectives discovered - and again, we have no hidden wealth or family help— it is insane to ask for 20 percent of a family’s salary so they can have fancier buildings! (My friend who works in development at a neighboring small private said things are often based on house value — our house cost 820k when we bought it right before Covid but the value has gone up, as have everybody’s.) she said in her school they do not bother asking the regular full pay parents for specific sums and focus on the known super wealthy.
Im trying to fathom why I feel so hurt and angry when you guys are right and we can just say no. I guess I wanted to feel appreciated for scraping together full tuition for 5 kids, not to mention putting my younger kids in the school’s pipeline amidst crashing birth rates, but clearly those efforts mean nothing. I’ve heard that many more applicants for k this year are only children and i wonder if that’s actually an advantage because families can funnel all those resources fully to the school and they don’t even have to bother educating anybody!
Well, no. If it’s a remotely desirable school (which I assume it is, since you placed multiple kids there), if your kids didn’t take those spots, some other full pay parents’ kids would have. And the “crashing birth rates” line is super bizarre. You didn’t do the world, or the school, a favor by choosing to have kids. You had them because you wanted them, and put them in that school because you thought they’d best serve your kids.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 14:22
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.
If your school did OP leave.
They absolutely do. They research who they think are the highest earning families and do a targeted ask in person to put the person on the spot. Not all schools, but some.
Anonymous
02/04/2026 06:21
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Our school just launched a Capital Campaign and we have not been explicitly asked but have the resources to do so. They aren’t top of our list for giving but it’s so interesting to me that they don’t see that we have the capability to give. We are publicly on non profit boards with a high buy in and our political donations are public record.
Sounds like a weak development office. If you really wanted to support the school, would you need their attention before giving?
Alternatively, perhaps you aren’t as wealthy relative to the other parents as you think they are. You might be in the lower half of families.
Love this. So DCUM.
Anonymous
02/04/2026 06:07
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:"No" is a complete sentence.
So is "Hell no”.
Anonymous
02/03/2026 21:41
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you schedule a meeting with the fundraising team? You were asking for trouble when you arranged that. You could have declined back then.
Right? Like agreeing to the presentation of a time share
Anonymous
02/03/2026 21:37
Subject: Re:What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Schools don’t ask for specific amounts like this. TROLL.
Anonymous
02/03/2026 10:09
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Whatever you donate, next year they will want you to match it or go bigger. It never ends.
Anonymous
02/02/2026 23:04
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:100k over 5 years is $20k/year. That's 3-4% of your income. If you bought your house at $800k and clearly don't have high fixed vehicle costs, I really don't think this is an ask that's so high as to be rude. The fact that you have 2.5million in investments means you obviously aren't spending every penny you earn. Presumably they're starting a negotiation by asking for a little more than they think you will actually give. You should feel free to decline if it's outside your budget, but I think being insulted is the wrong response here.
This
OK, yes…. Except for the mention of the disciplinary issue. That is concerning!
Anonymous
02/02/2026 22:48
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anyone engaging with these data scraping / data brokerage services to estimate wealth of families at a school should be ashamed of themselves. Really disgusting.
I can tell you that every single nonprofit out there does this.
Really, it’s usually just house value and SEC filing info.
SEC filing info cannot provide information on most people. Just NEOs of public companies.
I would guess it's credit card reporting because credit card companies try to get your salary out of you. Once I managed to go 15 years without updating that. But usually they collect it when you ask for a limit raise or a new card.
Anonymous
02/02/2026 22:42
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
They definietly didn't do due diligence in coming up with that amount. You certainly do have capacity. Given your salaries and investments, on paper you have the ability to give that much as a pledge. That said, tossing that number out as a first gift amount was crazy on their part. A more experienced team would have known how to assess other factors (willingness, timing, practical considerations, etc) that also go into such a large ask.
Don't be offended. Chalk it up as their issue. Simply write a message back that says they have unfortunately vastly overestimated what your family has the ability to donate, and that you will make a more appropriate gift when you determine what level that will be. That gets them off your back, and also lets them know that their methodology was way off.
Don't be offended. Chalk it up as their issue. Simply write a message back that says they have unfortunately vastly overestimated what your family has the ability to donate, and that you will make a more appropriate gift when you determine what level that will be. That gets them off your back, and also lets them know that their methodology was way off.
Anonymous
02/02/2026 18:09
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Our school just launched a Capital Campaign and we have not been explicitly asked but have the resources to do so. They aren’t top of our list for giving but it’s so interesting to me that they don’t see that we have the capability to give. We are publicly on non profit boards with a high buy in and our political donations are public record.
Sounds like a weak development office. If you really wanted to support the school, would you need their attention before giving?
Alternatively, perhaps you aren’t as wealthy relative to the other parents as you think they are. You might be in the lower half of families.
Anonymous
02/02/2026 16:45
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Our school just launched a Capital Campaign and we have not been explicitly asked but have the resources to do so. They aren’t top of our list for giving but it’s so interesting to me that they don’t see that we have the capability to give. We are publicly on non profit boards with a high buy in and our political donations are public record.
Anonymous
02/02/2026 16:34
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
This happened to us. School asked us for 150k. We were expecting to give like 7k. We said that we’d get back to them and didn’t. The director of advancement has since been replaced. Very awkward, and maybe ignoring was the wrong move, but they’ve never followed up so….(this was years ago now)
Anonymous
02/02/2026 15:37
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.
It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.
It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.
It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.
I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.
I agree. Complete BS.