Anonymous wrote:I bet most parents who have both a boy and girl teen would say their daughter’s clothes/haircuts/skin care costs significantly more. Again, not at all saying boys should pay for dates because of it! But it’s nuts to pretend like on average girls aren’t spending more.

Anonymous wrote:The only boys wearing that stuff at my son’s “rich kid” private school were gay kids. Most straight boys aren’t interested in clothing and accessories like that.

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Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.

NP- It's the generic look kids sport these days so you can't tell what is expensive and what isn't, but the kids absolutely know. These hoodies might be $150+ so not less materialistic just because they don't look like the old school feminine look. Having great skin, specific eyebrows are things many many girls you think look totally natural spend a lot of money on as well.

Lots of teen boys are also into expensive basketball shoes, brand name clothes, some are into watches etc. Some spend ages and lots of money on their hair. If you are at a school of rich kids spending $150 on a hoodie, those boys are also wearing $$ clothes.

Yes, but it's not just rich kids. I'm not in a rich area, and kids work/save for those items. Generally speaking, the cost of clothings and shoes has gone through the roof.

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Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.

NP- It's the generic look kids sport these days so you can't tell what is expensive and what isn't, but the kids absolutely know. These hoodies might be $150+ so not less materialistic just because they don't look like the old school feminine look. Having great skin, specific eyebrows are things many many girls you think look totally natural spend a lot of money on as well.

Op. This. I’m finding most of these hoodies cost over $125. T shirts are over $50. My other dcs high school girlfriend made her own prom dress (and no, she’s not poor, quite the opposite). I miss those days!

Anonymous wrote:Girls who expect this are materialistic, shallow and inauthentic. I have daughters and I am around a lot of girls. Trust me, if a girl expects this it is a red flag 🚩

There are many girls who are chill, adventurous and thrifty. He needs to find one of them.

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Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.

NP- It's the generic look kids sport these days so you can't tell what is expensive and what isn't, but the kids absolutely know. These hoodies might be $150+ so not less materialistic just because they don't look like the old school feminine look. Having great skin, specific eyebrows are things many many girls you think look totally natural spend a lot of money on as well.

Lots of teen boys are also into expensive basketball shoes, brand name clothes, some are into watches etc. Some spend ages and lots of money on their hair. If you are at a school of rich kids spending $150 on a hoodie, those boys are also wearing $$ clothes.

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Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.

NP- It's the generic look kids sport these days so you can't tell what is expensive and what isn't, but the kids absolutely know. These hoodies might be $150+ so not less materialistic just because they don't look like the old school feminine look. Having great skin, specific eyebrows are things many many girls you think look totally natural spend a lot of money on as well.

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Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

She has developed this attitude from watching the tik tok

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Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.

NP- It's the generic look kids sport these days so you can't tell what is expensive and what isn't, but the kids absolutely know. These hoodies might be $150+ so not less materialistic just because they don't look like the old school feminine look. Having great skin, specific eyebrows are things many many girls you think look totally natural spend a lot of money on as well.

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Anonymous wrote:Your title is misleading. This isn’t about teenagers buying each other pricey gifts. Is about your son buying pricey gifts for his girlfriend.

Agree, I clicked because my son likes to buy gifts for all of his friends with his own money, and we've been talking to him about the need to budget and save for himself too. But I have nothing useful for OP.

I’m op. Not sure why the title is so upsetting to some people… and my son likes to buy gifts for his friends too

Weird. Outside a birthday I’d be uncomfortable if your kid regularly bought mine gifts.

Anonymous wrote:Just reading the post from the mom complaining about the water bottle (assuming this was one of the new trendy ones that are $50+). Why do kids need to buy gifts at all for SO?

My dc is 17 and spending a lot on his gf. Dinners, gifts, sent her home in Ubers a few times. She seems to expect it. He doesn’t have a job right now so he’s using saved money. I find this materialism really unappealing in teens. Am I naive?

Older ds had a girlfriend in high school but they had cheap, free dates. Cooked at home, made each other sweet creative gifts. I wish my other dc was like this.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I do feel the boy should pay for dates. But as teens, I would not expect nor encourage (by us paying for) expensive gifts and dinners. I would encourage him to work for spending money, and/or do free cheap dates and make inexpensive gifts for each other.

Why should boys pay? Each pay their own except a special occasion. Parents, pay, not teens. My kid is saving his money for retirement and college. I’m not paying for your kid every meal. If they are with us, we’d pay but them hanging out or a date, no.

I have a boy and a girl and I can tell you it’s significantly more expensive for girls to look like typically dressed and groomed girls in this area than it is for boys to do the same. I tell both my kids to be generous and considerate about paying but it’s more complicated than you suggest.

It is only more expensive is they choose it to be. Guys can choose to be into skin care products, fashion, brands, and hair care too if they want to be, but many choose not to be. Girls can also choose to be into that stuff or not into it. It isn't more expensive for girsl to be dressed and groomed than boys.

You conveniently overlooked the “typically” part.

Look, if my teen daughter (or anyone else’s) wants to be like the boys she knows and wear gym shorts and oversized t shirts year round and only get their hair cut when it’s so moppy that it interferes with driving more power too them! I would be thrilled! But let’s not pretend she wining stand out as different with that approach.

Note: I’m not saying that boys need to pay for her on dates because she spends more on clothes and haircuts than that, I just think it’s disingenuous to discuss this without acknowledging what these kids spend their money on.

Most kids at my kids school - boy and girl wear sweats and hoodies. The girls aren't out spending hundreds of dollars to look pretty for the boys so that the boys will spend money on them. I am very glad that isn't the high school culture my son or daughter are part of. Girls have far more worth than their looks, and boys have far more worth than their wallets. Your view that your teen daughter spends money to look pretty so he better spend money on her is a sad view to me.