Anonymous
10/16/2025 11:00
Subject: Re:PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
I'm still not understanding. Did you stand up at the budget approval general meeting and object that pta money is used this way with some of the board members chiming in to support you as well? And the members voted it in anyway?
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:47
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP again. To clarify: the PTA provides $300 towards "refreshments" for parent socials. Individual parents volunteer to "host" and can do so at their home or at a local business. They are usually at bars or restaurants. Yes they cover booze (will usually cover one drink for everyone and a few shared apps, the hosts will usually also kick in money).
I am fine with these events happening, I just don't think they should use money from the general fund. Most people who attend wind up buying food and drinks for themselves on top of what is offered anyway, and the hosts of the event could still pay for some shared apps if they want. It it could just be a happy hour. Heck, they could work with local businesses and see if they'd offer PTA members a discount for these events -- would get neighborhood people into these businesses so there's an incentive.
I've suggested all of this at meetings. Others on the PTA board agree with me. But the people who want to keep using PTA funds are influential, people do what they say. I think it is an abuse of power and that they are using PTA funds inappropriately.
What fraction of the budget is this? This is probably a drop in the bucket. The kids will be fine. The parents okay get to know each other better. You’re being weird about this if this is your typical well to do school. Just stop donating if you’re that upset.
But it turns the PTA into a slush fund for non-school events. And when the events are not inclusive, it funnels money from the entire school community to a select few. These events could easily be unfunded and the PTA could just say "here's the info for the parent happy hour in Tuesday at Kearney's -- hope you can make it." That accomplishes the community aspect without spending PTA funds.
If you want to spend PTA funds, there should be some nexus with the school and for the direct benefit of the school/kids. Sure, parents grabbing drinks in a weeknight "builds community" but the connection is too loose to be a funded event.
Drawing clear boundaries for this kind of thing is how you avoid ethics problems, accusations about misuse of funds, and distrust and cynicism within the community.
It doesn't sound like it's a "select few" -- that would be if it was a closed event. OP, I think you're getting really hung up over this as an ethical or other issue when you're actually just feeling a little insecure about your social status and projecting on others that they are excluding you. You're the one opting out of the event.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:38
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP again. To clarify: the PTA provides $300 towards "refreshments" for parent socials. Individual parents volunteer to "host" and can do so at their home or at a local business. They are usually at bars or restaurants. Yes they cover booze (will usually cover one drink for everyone and a few shared apps, the hosts will usually also kick in money).
I am fine with these events happening, I just don't think they should use money from the general fund. Most people who attend wind up buying food and drinks for themselves on top of what is offered anyway, and the hosts of the event could still pay for some shared apps if they want. It it could just be a happy hour. Heck, they could work with local businesses and see if they'd offer PTA members a discount for these events -- would get neighborhood people into these businesses so there's an incentive.
I've suggested all of this at meetings. Others on the PTA board agree with me. But the people who want to keep using PTA funds are influential, people do what they say. I think it is an abuse of power and that they are using PTA funds inappropriately.
What fraction of the budget is this? This is probably a drop in the bucket. The kids will be fine. The parents okay get to know each other better. You’re being weird about this if this is your typical well to do school. Just stop donating if you’re that upset.
But it turns the PTA into a slush fund for non-school events. And when the events are not inclusive, it funnels money from the entire school community to a select few. These events could easily be unfunded and the PTA could just say "here's the info for the parent happy hour in Tuesday at Kearney's -- hope you can make it." That accomplishes the community aspect without spending PTA funds.
If you want to spend PTA funds, there should be some nexus with the school and for the direct benefit of the school/kids. Sure, parents grabbing drinks in a weeknight "builds community" but the connection is too loose to be a funded event.
Drawing clear boundaries for this kind of thing is how you avoid ethics problems, accusations about misuse of funds, and distrust and cynicism within the community.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:25
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:OP again. To clarify: the PTA provides $300 towards "refreshments" for parent socials. Individual parents volunteer to "host" and can do so at their home or at a local business. They are usually at bars or restaurants. Yes they cover booze (will usually cover one drink for everyone and a few shared apps, the hosts will usually also kick in money).
I am fine with these events happening, I just don't think they should use money from the general fund. Most people who attend wind up buying food and drinks for themselves on top of what is offered anyway, and the hosts of the event could still pay for some shared apps if they want. It it could just be a happy hour. Heck, they could work with local businesses and see if they'd offer PTA members a discount for these events -- would get neighborhood people into these businesses so there's an incentive.
I've suggested all of this at meetings. Others on the PTA board agree with me. But the people who want to keep using PTA funds are influential, people do what they say. I think it is an abuse of power and that they are using PTA funds inappropriately.
What fraction of the budget is this? This is probably a drop in the bucket. The kids will be fine. The parents okay get to know each other better. You’re being weird about this if this is your typical well to do school. Just stop donating if you’re that upset.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:22
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
Any strong PTA needs to get adults to volunteer and/or donate and anyone who has ever been tasked to motivate people to do either knows that you need to tap into whatever intrinsic motivation you can find. For PTA, that includes building community and making people families feel included. The kids don't donate the money and can't volunteer to do most things adults are capable of. You need to motivate the adults to do it. And the easiest way is to build community among the kids AND adults.
Look it is inappropriate to focus the PTA on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. A strong PTA is created by being inclusive and well organized not cliquish and seemingly focused on adult socializing. If the families in your school cannot create community by doing things like organizing field trips and discussing curriculum then that is a bigger problem.
Yeah I wasn't claiming the PTA should be focused on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. But anyone soliciting volunteers for school fundraisers or other activities will have more success if they make the adults feel welcome and included. I'm agnostic on whether a PTA should foot the bill for some snacks at an event to solicit volunteers. When I'm the one doing the soliciting of volunteers, I host and pay for the snacks/drinks myself. But I do try to add something to the activity to help build the community and make people want to continue volunteering.
These events are not to solicit volunteers. They aren't focused on any actual school-focused activities. They are just parent social outings.
After clarification from OP, as there is no fundraising or specific volunteer raising agenda, I actually agree that this might be inappropriate. I was one of the PPs arguing that these were likely fundraisers or volunteer/information sessions but if not then it's not great.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:18
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:OP again. To clarify: the PTA provides $300 towards "refreshments" for parent socials. Individual parents volunteer to "host" and can do so at their home or at a local business. They are usually at bars or restaurants. Yes they cover booze (will usually cover one drink for everyone and a few shared apps, the hosts will usually also kick in money).
I am fine with these events happening, I just don't think they should use money from the general fund. Most people who attend wind up buying food and drinks for themselves on top of what is offered anyway, and the hosts of the event could still pay for some shared apps if they want. It it could just be a happy hour. Heck, they could work with local businesses and see if they'd offer PTA members a discount for these events -- would get neighborhood people into these businesses so there's an incentive.
I've suggested all of this at meetings. Others on the PTA board agree with me. But the people who want to keep using PTA funds are influential, people do what they say. I think it is an abuse of power and that they are using PTA funds inappropriately.
Meh. I don't feel strongly about this. I think if it were me, my feelings on it would depend on how cash-strapped or not my kid's PTA is.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:08
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
Any strong PTA needs to get adults to volunteer and/or donate and anyone who has ever been tasked to motivate people to do either knows that you need to tap into whatever intrinsic motivation you can find. For PTA, that includes building community and making people families feel included. The kids don't donate the money and can't volunteer to do most things adults are capable of. You need to motivate the adults to do it. And the easiest way is to build community among the kids AND adults.
Look it is inappropriate to focus the PTA on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. A strong PTA is created by being inclusive and well organized not cliquish and seemingly focused on adult socializing. If the families in your school cannot create community by doing things like organizing field trips and discussing curriculum then that is a bigger problem.
Yeah I wasn't claiming the PTA should be focused on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. But anyone soliciting volunteers for school fundraisers or other activities will have more success if they make the adults feel welcome and included. I'm agnostic on whether a PTA should foot the bill for some snacks at an event to solicit volunteers. When I'm the one doing the soliciting of volunteers, I host and pay for the snacks/drinks myself. But I do try to add something to the activity to help build the community and make people want to continue volunteering.
These events are not to solicit volunteers. They aren't focused on any actual school-focused activities. They are just parent social outings.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 10:06
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
OP again. To clarify: the PTA provides $300 towards "refreshments" for parent socials. Individual parents volunteer to "host" and can do so at their home or at a local business. They are usually at bars or restaurants. Yes they cover booze (will usually cover one drink for everyone and a few shared apps, the hosts will usually also kick in money).
I am fine with these events happening, I just don't think they should use money from the general fund. Most people who attend wind up buying food and drinks for themselves on top of what is offered anyway, and the hosts of the event could still pay for some shared apps if they want. It it could just be a happy hour. Heck, they could work with local businesses and see if they'd offer PTA members a discount for these events -- would get neighborhood people into these businesses so there's an incentive.
I've suggested all of this at meetings. Others on the PTA board agree with me. But the people who want to keep using PTA funds are influential, people do what they say. I think it is an abuse of power and that they are using PTA funds inappropriately.
I am fine with these events happening, I just don't think they should use money from the general fund. Most people who attend wind up buying food and drinks for themselves on top of what is offered anyway, and the hosts of the event could still pay for some shared apps if they want. It it could just be a happy hour. Heck, they could work with local businesses and see if they'd offer PTA members a discount for these events -- would get neighborhood people into these businesses so there's an incentive.
I've suggested all of this at meetings. Others on the PTA board agree with me. But the people who want to keep using PTA funds are influential, people do what they say. I think it is an abuse of power and that they are using PTA funds inappropriately.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 09:56
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
Any strong PTA needs to get adults to volunteer and/or donate and anyone who has ever been tasked to motivate people to do either knows that you need to tap into whatever intrinsic motivation you can find. For PTA, that includes building community and making people families feel included. The kids don't donate the money and can't volunteer to do most things adults are capable of. You need to motivate the adults to do it. And the easiest way is to build community among the kids AND adults.
Look it is inappropriate to focus the PTA on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. A strong PTA is created by being inclusive and well organized not cliquish and seemingly focused on adult socializing. If the families in your school cannot create community by doing things like organizing field trips and discussing curriculum then that is a bigger problem.
Yeah I wasn't claiming the PTA should be focused on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. But anyone soliciting volunteers for school fundraisers or other activities will have more success if they make the adults feel welcome and included. I'm agnostic on whether a PTA should foot the bill for some snacks at an event to solicit volunteers. When I'm the one doing the soliciting of volunteers, I host and pay for the snacks/drinks myself. But I do try to add something to the activity to help build the community and make people want to continue volunteering.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 09:40
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
Any strong PTA needs to get adults to volunteer and/or donate and anyone who has ever been tasked to motivate people to do either knows that you need to tap into whatever intrinsic motivation you can find. For PTA, that includes building community and making people families feel included. The kids don't donate the money and can't volunteer to do most things adults are capable of. You need to motivate the adults to do it. And the easiest way is to build community among the kids AND adults.
Look it is inappropriate to focus the PTA on the needs of certain parents to have social outlets. A strong PTA is created by being inclusive and well organized not cliquish and seemingly focused on adult socializing. If the families in your school cannot create community by doing things like organizing field trips and discussing curriculum then that is a bigger problem.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 09:27
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
It’s called the Parent Teacher Association for a reason.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 09:09
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
Any strong PTA needs to get adults to volunteer and/or donate and anyone who has ever been tasked to motivate people to do either knows that you need to tap into whatever intrinsic motivation you can find. For PTA, that includes building community and making people families feel included. The kids don't donate the money and can't volunteer to do most things adults are capable of. You need to motivate the adults to do it. And the easiest way is to build community among the kids AND adults.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 07:39
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Kids are the whole point of school.
Anonymous
10/16/2025 05:59
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.
It’s actually not just for kids.
Anonymous
10/15/2025 20:14
Subject: PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends
Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, community is totally worthless and in no way a meaningful part of raising children
Once more with feeling … the PTA is for the kids. You can find community volunteering for what the kids and school need.