Anonymous
Post 10/06/2025 13:56     Subject: Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM. I don’t buy $12 smoothies but I can’t imagine a situation where would not allow me to get a drink or buy shoes (assuming child, not myself).

I don’t think you should think of it as your money. Sounds like a recipe for resentment.


Finally, a sane person. Thank you, SAHM. And thank you for the valuable, typically-unseen and -underappreciated work that you do. Seems like someone is passing on good values to the next generation.


There is a huge difference between being a SAHM who spends the family income and OP's husband who isn't doing the bulk of the childcare and housework. Would you feel entitled to $12 smoothies if you didn't lift a finger around the house? Women's work is undervalued, some middle aged guy who got laid off and spends his time at the gym isn't.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2025 12:06     Subject: Re:Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
NP and Team OP. I don’t think she’s saying it’s her money so much as it’s a finite, now smaller amount of family money. Some sacrifices have to be made. And getting DC to treat it all like an inside joke between them is very inappropriate.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2025 20:10     Subject: Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
Anonymous wrote:[twitter]
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Talk to your payroll department about setting up direct transfers to college savings, 401k, whatever other savings you need, and only the net to your joint checking account. If they are anything like my spendthrift spouse, the only way to get them to stop spending is to run out of money in the checking account.


That doesn’t work. Then the spender just runs up credit cards.


How does a prenup work. Does it shield you from spousal debt? Like let’s say I have $1M protected in a prenup trust, and spouse blows $500k, are we both on hook?


Visa doesn't care what your prenup says.


Yeah so cutting off funds won’t work; he can use credit for a VERY long time


OP needs to talk to him about locking the family credit.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2025 14:11     Subject: Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
Anonymous wrote:Have you considered divorce?


OP, seems very likely that your husband has. Wise up.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2025 14:10     Subject: Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
Anonymous wrote:So my guess is: he is going to get an inheritance that the prenup says you can't touch, but until them he's spending all the money you are earning so you can't build a nest egg to insure against him dumping you when he comes into his inheritance.

Yes, that would make me mad. He has a safety net against frivolous spending that you cannot be sure of for yourself.

Just my guess.


I would seriously think about protecting yourself, OP. He does not seem invested in your relationship.
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2025 13:58     Subject: Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
[twitter]
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Talk to your payroll department about setting up direct transfers to college savings, 401k, whatever other savings you need, and only the net to your joint checking account. If they are anything like my spendthrift spouse, the only way to get them to stop spending is to run out of money in the checking account.


That doesn’t work. Then the spender just runs up credit cards.


How does a prenup work. Does it shield you from spousal debt? Like let’s say I have $1M protected in a prenup trust, and spouse blows $500k, are we both on hook?


Visa doesn't care what your prenup says.


Yeah so cutting off funds won’t work; he can use credit for a VERY long time
Anonymous
Post 10/04/2025 12:53     Subject: Living on my salary alone bc dh was laid off. How do I convince DH to cut back on non essentials?
Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM. I don’t buy $12 smoothies but I can’t imagine a situation where would not allow me to get a drink or buy shoes (assuming child, not myself).

I don’t think you should think of it as your money. Sounds like a recipe for resentment.


Finally, a sane person. Thank you, SAHM. And thank you for the valuable, typically-unseen and -underappreciated work that you do. Seems like someone is passing on good values to the next generation.