Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be mad and cry.

But it's really really bad. Her grades/SATs/rigor are tippity top. Her essay is terrible and doesn't say that much about her.

Do we just rip the bandaid and tell her? Any tips on phrasing or what to say?

OMG just tell her it sucks! Do you really tread that lightly around your kid??

Not OP, but telling your kid their essay sucks at this point is not a good look. I would definitely tread that lightly around my own kid.

You clearly aren't Asian! I tell my fat lazy son that he is fat and lazy every day. Be strong and tell your child to rewrite her stupid essay.

Your fat lazy son won't be in touch when you're old. If you don’t believe me, ask my mother.

Anonymous wrote:I had to tell my daughter that she needed to go in another direction. There were tears. She wrote about the 3 big 'nope' topics- loss of a family member, depression/mental health, and overcoming a challenge to win the Big Sports Thing. I simply told her, 'this is a beautiful, heartfelt essay. We're going to keep a copy of it because you obviously poured a lot of energy into it, but we want you to write another essay and show both of them to your college counselor at school. Let them guide your process, but know that there are certain topics that you probably should steer clear of." She's almost done with an updated version, went in a new direction altogether which we think will be better received by AOs. I think the essays do matter, and it's up to us as parents to give our kids honest feedback, even if it causes stress and tears- there's a lot riding on this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us the topic.

OP here. I won't get specific, but she mentions a popular childhood book series she enjoyed. And she relates it back to her own life in a cheesy way. I can't think of a way to make it less cheesy, and I also don't think it relates to her life in a in a helpful or interesting way.

The actual writing/grammar is fine. The college counselor and teacher had her add more personal details, but I think the topic is just really cringey.

Have you read a lot of examples? I have read about 65 personal statements and they are all cringy.

100%
The cheesier the better

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be mad and cry.

But it's really really bad. Her grades/SATs/rigor are tippity top. Her essay is terrible and doesn't say that much about her.

Do we just rip the bandaid and tell her? Any tips on phrasing or what to say?

OMG just tell her it sucks! Do you really tread that lightly around your kid??

Not OP, but telling your kid their essay sucks at this point is not a good look. I would definitely tread that lightly around my own kid.

You clearly aren't Asian! I tell my fat lazy son that he is fat and lazy every day. Be strong and tell your child to rewrite her stupid essay.

Your fat lazy son won't be in touch when you're old. If you don’t believe me, ask my mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The most I would say as a parent is something like “what are you trying to convey about yourself here?” Otherwise, see if she can shop it around to more trusted adults outside the family. You are too emotionally attached to the process and your opinion might not be as widely shared as you presume.

OP here. I actually think you boiled down my biggest objection. She doesn't say that much about herself, and what she does say is not very personal or introspective. I think she needs to talk less about the book series and instead just use it to introduce the rest of what she wants to say, then circle back to it at the end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us the topic.

OP here. I won't get specific, but she mentions a popular childhood book series she enjoyed. And she relates it back to her own life in a cheesy way. I can't think of a way to make it less cheesy, and I also don't think it relates to her life in a in a helpful or interesting way.

The actual writing/grammar is fine. The college counselor and teacher had her add more personal details, but I think the topic is just really cringey.

Have you read a lot of examples? I have read about 65 personal statements and they are all cringy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe it is now a given rhat that parents read their children’s application essays. I would have been mortified.

My parents read my essay and provided feedback. I graduated HS in 1986.

I remember showing my typewritten essays to my parents in the 90s. I specifically remember my dad scoffing under his breath about something I had written. I would never have taken their advice, though.

Anonymous wrote:there are very few bad topics

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe it is now a given rhat that parents read their children’s application essays. I would have been mortified.

My parents read my essay and provided feedback. I graduated HS in 1986.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe it is now a given rhat that parents read their children’s application essays. I would have been mortified.

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe it is now a given rhat that parents read their children’s application essays. I would have been mortified.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Use a bad news sandwich:

“You’ve worked really hard on your essay but I’m concerned the topic doesn’t fit the rest of your application. You should either add more vulnerability or pick a new topic (or whatever). It doesn’t highlight what makes you an awesome & unique candidate for their school.”

It is ultimately her journey so if she’s like “suck it, old lady”, I’d drop it.

I agree with this. I had to do this with my DD, who sounds similar: very high stats, not used to getting much critical feedback. The angle I took was to validate her reasons for writing the original draft and then talk with her about purpose of this essay - to give the AO's a sense of connection with you as a person and window into qualities you possess that they'd want in a member of their community. We are close and don't usually have much conflict, but there were some tears and anger over this feedback, as well as resentment over the prospect of doing more work. But she ultimately accepted the feedback and and worked through a couple more drafts, more frustration, and then spun out a killer essay on her third try. The added benefit is that she has now carried this learning forward for her supplementals and is much more willing to go through some drafting and reworking of those.

That said, if she'd just told me to back off after hearing the initial feedback, I'd have dropped it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is going to be mad and cry.

But it's really really bad. Her grades/SATs/rigor are tippity top. Her essay is terrible and doesn't say that much about her.

Do we just rip the bandaid and tell her? Any tips on phrasing or what to say?

OMG just tell her it sucks! Do you really tread that lightly around your kid??

Not OP, but telling your kid their essay sucks at this point is not a good look. I would definitely tread that lightly around my own kid.

You clearly aren't Asian! I tell my fat lazy son that he is fat and lazy every day. Be strong and tell your child to rewrite her stupid essay.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell us the topic.

OP here. I won't get specific, but she mentions a popular childhood book series she enjoyed. And she relates it back to her own life in a cheesy way. I can't think of a way to make it less cheesy, and I also don't think it relates to her life in a in a helpful or interesting way.

The actual writing/grammar is fine. The college counselor and teacher had her add more personal details, but I think the topic is just really cringey.

Have you read Johns Hopkins or other schools’ “Essays that Worked?” I think they are all “cheesy” and unoriginal. (I graduated with an English major and worked in corporate communications.) I like your daughter’s idea and I think it can be original and interesting, if done well.

The main thing schools want to see is that the essay reveals something about your child. Don’t worry about the topic, but you can point out specific instances where the writing is too trite, precious or “cheesy.”