Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

1. Flying is a PITA these days, long lines, expensive parking (or expensive ubering), etc

2. Flying is expensive

3. As we get older, we tolerate less inconvenience - Flying is one huge inconvenience

You sound like my ILs. They have all the time in the world and plenty of money, but travel is such a pain to them that they rarely visit. They got their grandkid fix from his siter and her kids that lived nearby and have been content to see ours the 1x year we visit. Flying with young kids is a PITA too and annual leave is limited so we can't manage more than that, although they complain more now because the other grandkids are off to college and their grandparent bucket is no longer full.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

1. Flying is a PITA these days, long lines, expensive parking (or expensive ubering), etc

2. Flying is expensive

3. As we get older, we tolerate less inconvenience - Flying is one huge inconvenience

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents have
Jobs
Responsibilities
Pets
Houses

What do you think we are doing all day, sitting around looking for flight deals?

And your kids have
Jobs
Responsibilities
Pets
Houses

What do you think we are doing all day, sitting around looking for nursing homes?

Grandparents have
Jobs
Responsibilities
Pets
Houses

What do you think we are doing all day, sitting around looking for flight deals?

So many of you are so awful and self centered that it's breathtaking. I hope this is just DCUM and not across the board. If it isn't, we really are doomed.

DH and I have lived nearby both sets of grandparents our entire marriage. My parents are gone but I’ve learned that as parents age, they expect YOU to come visit. Yes, partly due to aging and frailties, hesitation to drive at night and losing independence.

The only time I see my ILs (80/79) it’s on their
time, at their house. All grandchildren follow suit - if you want to see them, you go to their house.

It wasn’t always this way with both sets of grandparents. When they were a decade younger, they’d drive over, drop by, help with DC, attend DC events, etc.

Anonymous wrote:As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.

+1

Anonymous wrote:As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.

Absolutely, but the reverse is true as well. Elders need to plan plan plan for their end of life care- both financially and logistically, because their kids have their own own life, kids, friends, vacations and house to manage. Too often there is a disconnect there.

As a grandparent, I adore my grandchildren. However, I have my own life, friends, vacations and house to manage. Believe it or not OP, your offspring aren’t the center of the universe. Get help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are foreigners and are part of the international community in DC, who usually has grandparents living abroad in people's home countries.

If there's enough money and health, distance is not a problem. When one or both are missing, then distance becomes a problem. And when it comes to eldercare at a distance when all able-bodied younger relatives are far away - there is a HUGE problem.

So please have a little more humility and respect, OP, for adverse situations in life.

This. And no, you cannot hop on a plane to have lunch with your kids / grandkids or to babysit. But could drive for that for a couple of hours. It’s just not the same - having the ability for daily interaction (all else being equal).

That all makes sense, but there's usually nothing to be done other than expressing empathy when parents/grandparents complain. Like, there is no way my spouse would agree to my hometown, nor would I agree to move to their hometown. We like where we live. If our parents wanted to move near us, that would be nice, but neither of us is an only child, and our siblings are spread out. If our parents get sick and need our physical presence regularly, we would have to move them to us.

Anonymous wrote:We are foreigners and are part of the international community in DC, who usually has grandparents living abroad in people's home countries.

If there's enough money and health, distance is not a problem. When one or both are missing, then distance becomes a problem. And when it comes to eldercare at a distance when all able-bodied younger relatives are far away - there is a HUGE problem.

So please have a little more humility and respect, OP, for adverse situations in life.

This. And no, you cannot hop on a plane to have lunch with your kids / grandkids or to babysit. But could drive for that for a couple of hours. It’s just not the same - having the ability for daily interaction (all else being equal).

For about half the year my parents live close by and we love it! My three children are under ten and they love hanging out with my parents. And I love knowing that in a pinch they can help me out especially in the summer when schedules are crazy. I do miss them the other half of the year but they do fly in 2-3 times as they miss the kids. I don’t fault them one bit escaping the winters so I think our situation is as good as I could hope for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like what they're wanting is not a significant-events-only relationship, but instead smaller amounts of contact more frequently like would be possible if you lived nearby.
.

Its not just about what they want, OP and her DH's wants matter as well.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seriously, you can get on a plane and be there for any signficant events your family wants you there for and you won't haunt them when they don't want you...

Nasty selfish post. I would be grateful if my children’s grandparents were alive let alone live near. I would be thrilled for both.

Sounds like you wound up in the wrong thread!