Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes but what to do about the seniors who don’t have dementia but require help from their kids? Not the skilled nursing level of care but like driving them to things or coordinating their medical care or cleaning or shopping? Are they allowed to carry on like this for 10-15-20 years, chaining their kids to their needs?

Set up an Uber account, grocery delivery or weekly meal delivery plan, arrange prescription delivery with the pharmacy, hire a cleaning service, and show them how to order clothes or whatever online. I don't mind helping my elderly parents and FIL with things like arranging medical appointments but the routine stuff is easily outsourced and that takes a lot off our plates.

Anonymous wrote:Yes but what to do about the seniors who don’t have dementia but require help from their kids? Not the skilled nursing level of care but like driving them to things or coordinating their medical care or cleaning or shopping? Are they allowed to carry on like this for 10-15-20 years, chaining their kids to their needs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never thought of this ten years ago but now, 10 years later, when I’m 60, I ‘m aggravated that my mom is still alive -90. She is in good shape, eats healthy, and mentally sound. She’ll probably live until 100!

Right now I’m angry with her because she’s donated all her money to other causes and she has to live with us. My kids will be leaving for their college years and I have to look at her every day! I can’t stand hearing her voice either, I just want to remember her as a younger person. She can’t afford anything on her own, my brother is useless, no money either.

Don’t get me wrong , I love her. I just didn’t think she’d live this long. Thanks for letting me vent.

All of that is normal. Long term caregiving is grueling. Have mercy like she had on you when you were a useless baby.

She chose to have that useless baby. Not everyone chooses to be a senior caregiver.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope my mom passes soon. She has dementia, is incontinent, has significant mobility issues, makes no sense most of the time, and no longer enjoys going out, or even when I come by (multiple times a week), she barely can interact in a meaningful way so I basically come for 15 minutes, bright my daughter yesterday and my mom barely registers her. she can’t read, follow tv, use a phone, enjoy music, or wipe her own butt. She is a prisoner in her own mind. She never ever wanted this. The next stages are no language, no recognition of me (she recognized me but can’t always say that I’m her daughter just knows my name), essentially wheelchair/ bed bound and feeding by ensure.

Im in the same boat but after 8 1/2 years of being the only sibling nearby while one sibling comes once a year for a day and the other sibling never visits I have given up.

My mother is in the same condition and I now visit every other month. My kids are in high school and I just came to a pony I didn’t want to lose more time with them.

My kids, husband, and I have spent countless hours looking for things she has hidden or can’t find such as her phon, keys, remote control, wallet etc. she is in an assisted living place and they being her meals to her apartment and check on her 2-3 times a day. It takes a 1-2 hours for her to get ready so even stoping by saying let’s go to do an errand or to a medial appt takes so much time.

And she has always had an edge and been critical. I rarely make my kids go over theye because she always mentions how one has gained weight and has other snide comments for the other one as well as myself.

She never took care of her parents or grandparents but was quick to critique my aunt who did take care of my grandmother for the last 10 years of her life.

The best thing I did was at the start jf the school year I prioritized myself, husband and kids and stopped visiting. I was so burned out stopping by after working full time. Because in the end I realized it didn’t matter. She doesn’t remember if I go over there or not. Essentially she had already died and she is just a shell of herself. It’s just so cruel how people are forced to live with ending stages of dementia.

I think we constantly hear these stories of how only one sibling shoulders all the burden because that’s exactly who has a complaint. We never hear about the numerous siblings who cooperate with each other and share the burden equally. When you have equal burden sharing between 2-3-4-more siblings, taking care of a much-loved parent with dementia can feel more like a gift, not just to the parent but to the caregiver. I will always treasure these years with my parent in her home, even if she lives another decade and dies at 100. It helps that she has a very fat widow’s pension so we can throw money at every difficulty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your kids don’t talk about you like many of you are talking about your parents here. Jesus you’re callous and lacking compassion. Just remember, this will be you someday.

I have told my kids repeatedly. Absolutely do not sacrifice yourselves for me. I would never want a loved one to undergo the stress I have gone through dealing with a parent with dementia for over 8 years with no end in sight.

I intend to end my life if I have dementia. If somehow I don’t do it in time the only thing I care about is not causing my kids to suffer. I also do not want to burn through all my assets instead of leaving them money.

I really hope within 20 years people have more options to chose to die on their own terms.

Giving the declining birth rates, the increasing numbers of people living with Alzheimer's and related dementias and the policy choices being made by the government which are stripping affordable options from people in old age and seriously declining health, the ONLY humane option at this point is for USA to pass federal Medical Aid In Dying (MAID) legislation that allows people to check out of life on their own terms, on their own timetable, in ways that are painless and as minimally traumatic for family as possible.

That MAID legislation should allow people to make choices about end of life while they are still of sound mind/body, and to allow medical professionals to provide the cocktail of exit drugs even when the person's mind has become unsound.

What say you, DCUM?

Anonymous wrote:I hope your kids don’t talk about you like many of you are talking about your parents here. Jesus you’re callous and lacking compassion. Just remember, this will be you someday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope your kids don’t talk about you like many of you are talking about your parents here. Jesus you’re callous and lacking compassion. Just remember, this will be you someday.

I have told my kids repeatedly. Absolutely do not sacrifice yourselves for me. I would never want a loved one to undergo the stress I have gone through dealing with a parent with dementia for over 8 years with no end in sight.

I intend to end my life if I have dementia. If somehow I don’t do it in time the only thing I care about is not causing my kids to suffer. I also do not want to burn through all my assets instead of leaving them money.

I really hope within 20 years people have more options to chose to die on their own terms.

The problem is you / we say this now but have little control how it plays out. Im afraid perspectives also change later, from what i have seen.