Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always been ugly so luckily have never had to deal with this very difficult problem. One time a homeless person told me I was too ugly to wear the skirt I was wearing, and a father/son tourist duo laughed, but that's the closest I've come to turning a head.

Thoughts and prayers, OP.

Same girl

Another club member! I might have been considered cute-ish in my 20s, but now I am just blandly unattractive. My XH even pointed it out as he was walking out the door for someone 15 years younger who is objectively pretty. It is what it is. But I am nice and charming and smart and I put people at ease and make them laugh.

I've fully embraced the invisibility of menopause me. It is incredibly freeing. When my cats ignore me at meal time, that's when I will know it's really time to pack it in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've always been ugly so luckily have never had to deal with this very difficult problem. One time a homeless person told me I was too ugly to wear the skirt I was wearing, and a father/son tourist duo laughed, but that's the closest I've come to turning a head.

Thoughts and prayers, OP.

Same girl

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:56 and I still turn heads. The heads are very different, though.

What do you mean? My guess is it’s the same heads, but they have gotten older too.

Anonymous wrote:I’m 38 and feeling a bit unmoored as I’m no longer the young hot woman in most rooms. I’m beginning to feel invisible.

Anonymous wrote:My mom still does at 61. I remember being with her on Mother's Day when she was around 53 or so and being amazed that she still consistently attracted flirtatious men. She has nailed down acting somewhat oblivious and turning down men while simultaneously making them feel good about themselves. In addition to being physically attractive, I think she just radiates kindness. I've noticed sometimes that older men are just happy to have her attention for the moment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a different set of circumstances. I was objectively hot in my 20s, but looked rough in my 30s - first, pregnancy took its toll, then, I developed an autoimmune disorder, then, perimenopause. I had grown used to being invisible. But then, I lost all of the weight at 43-44. The heads that turn now are older, but I definitely get much more attention than I have in many years. Even full body scans. I figure I have another 3-4 years, max, before I become invisible again.

You likely underestimated your attractiveness in your 30s and are overestimating it now. Instead, it was/is about confidence. You had kids in your 30s and sure, you probably gained weight and looked tired. But the biggest thing is that becoming a mom upends your sense of self and feels relegating in terms of society. You lost your conference device and your focus was also constantly pulled to your kids. Then your kids got older and needed you less, you found yourself again and were able to focus on yourself (which led you to lose weight), and that has resulted in more confidence.

A similar thing would have happened if you'd had kids in your 20s, or your 40s. It's not the weight or your appearance, it's how you feel and your position in society impacting your confidence and sense of self.

Our culture is weird towards moms, especially of young kids, asking an enormous amount from them while also treating all that effort as worthless somehow. It's really hard to feel attractive through those years. I was actually at my thinnest about two years after having my last kid, and I've never felt less attractive.

Anonymous wrote:56 and I still turn heads. The heads are very different, though.