Anonymous wrote:At 7 my son learned that some adults stay home (literally no one in our social circle does so he thought all adults were assigned a job) and he said "when I grow up do you think i can be a dad who doesn't work?!

Dont read much in to this OP. Kids have no idea where life will take them.

SAHM here. When one of my sons was around 9-10, he also said he wants to marry a rich girl so he can stay home and hang out with the kids. He thought I had a very good life. DS has not said that in years. He is a teenager now.

At 7 my son learned that some adults stay home (literally no one in our social circle does so he thought all adults were assigned a job) and he said "when I grow up do you think i can be a dad who doesn't work?!

Dont read much in to this OP. Kids have no idea where life will take them.

And I also want my daughter to have ambitions and of course have an education. I didn’t decide to stay home AFTER I had a career and after I had three children. I didn’t grow up planning never to work and to not have a career.

If she one day decided to stay home with her children, I would respect her family choice. If she chose to work and use a nanny, I would also respect that decision.

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Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

DH is not that type. Even if we were to divorce, I would be fine financially. I would take one of our properties. I have my own money and I would also take half our marital assets. No prenup.

Good for your preparation. Most men don't respect a woman who doesn't work. By most men, I mean all the ones I work with who have SAH spouses who are as happy and secure as you. I see how they talk about you to others, even when they are faithful. They don't respect you. Occasionally they generally don't respect women, period, even if they work.

Wow. You work with a lot of narcissistic jerks. I’m guessing you are either a troll or a lawyer at a big firm? (Is there a difference?)

I haven’t had this experience. I’m a physician and a lot of my colleagues with SAH partners absolutely respect what their partners are doing. One of the neurosurgeons I work with always talks about how he could never do the work his wife is doing raising their five kids. It always kind of makes me laugh because, while I think she’s an awesome lady, there are really a lot of people who can do what she is doing, and a lot fewer people who can do what he is doing. But he is just in awe of her.

I’m a DP but this is born out in data— men surveyed who have SAH wives overwhelmingly say they do not want their daughters to be SAHPs. So it’s good enough for you but it’s not good enough for their kids. Pretty grim.

People say weird things to polls if you even have one to back up their claim. I don’t know any man with a SAH wife who says these things. I do know they want their daughters educated but that’s different.

I hate when people state these stupid surveys.

I’m sure if they surveyed the same men and asked who they preferred taking care of their children, those same men would choose the mother over a nanny, daycare, grandparent, etc.

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Anonymous wrote:You're pleased with this? Why?

OP here. I meant to say that I'd be satisfied with almost any path she chooses.

Problem with this path is that she needs to find someone who will support and take care of her as an adult and never change their mind. That’s a tough life.

It’s really not that tough. Working your ass off at a job you hate (or merely tolerate) for a boss and coworkers who don’t appreciate you, commuting through traffic for a couple hours every day, barely seeing your spouse, barely seeing your kids… now THAT’S a tough life.

Putting up with demanding kids who learn from their father that you are a servant, while your husband bangs the new 20 something at the office can really take a toll. Especially when there is no path to retirement except death. You will always be expected to host, cook, clean, serve, and care for everyone else forever and ever and ever. When your husband retires you job gets harder.

Np. We have a warm home. My kids do chores. DH is a partner. I’m not anyone’s servant.

Hahahahahaha.

You mean he hasn't cheated....yet....

Just wait.

DH is not that type. Even if we were to divorce, I would be fine financially. I would take one of our properties. I have my own money and I would also take half our marital assets. No prenup.

Good for your preparation. Most men don't respect a woman who doesn't work. By most men, I mean all the ones I work with who have SAH spouses who are as happy and secure as you. I see how they talk about you to others, even when they are faithful. They don't respect you. Occasionally they generally don't respect women, period, even if they work.

Wow. You work with a lot of narcissistic jerks. I’m guessing you are either a troll or a lawyer at a big firm? (Is there a difference?)

I haven’t had this experience. I’m a physician and a lot of my colleagues with SAH partners absolutely respect what their partners are doing. One of the neurosurgeons I work with always talks about how he could never do the work his wife is doing raising their five kids. It always kind of makes me laugh because, while I think she’s an awesome lady, there are really a lot of people who can do what she is doing, and a lot fewer people who can do what he is doing. But he is just in awe of her.

I’m a DP but this is born out in data— men surveyed who have SAH wives overwhelmingly say they do not want their daughters to be SAHPs. So it’s good enough for you but it’s not good enough for their kids. Pretty grim.

People say weird things to polls if you even have one to back up their claim. I don’t know any man with a SAH wife who says these things. I do know they want their daughters educated but that’s different.

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Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine says she knew by middle school. Both her parents worked long hours and she was lonely at home, so decided she doesn't want that for her kids.

Same for my SIL, both parents were always busy so when she had her first baby, she decided to leave her lucrative job. However, those were different times. Lives were simpler, marriages stronger and you can survive on one income. She wants her daughter to keep working because consequences are different in times of HCOL and fragile marriages.

lmfao when were these simpler times?

It really depends on where you live and who your circles are. DH used to be military and plenty of families live on the dad’s military income. It is the same time, just a different place.

I don’t think it is uncommon for a law partner, surgeon or executive to have a stay at home spouse. These times are the same. DH goes to work. Wife can live leisurely and take care of the kids while husband goes to work.

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Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine says she knew by middle school. Both her parents worked long hours and she was lonely at home, so decided she doesn't want that for her kids.

Same for my SIL, both parents were always busy so when she had her first baby, she decided to leave her lucrative job. However, those were different times. Lives were simpler, marriages stronger and you can survive on one income. She wants her daughter to keep working because consequences are different in times of HCOL and fragile marriages.

lmfao when were these simpler times?

I started a thread a few weeks ago about what is best for a daughter.

I’m a SAHM and DH is extremely successful. We have a great lifestyle.

Most of my daughter’s friends’ moms are working moms. One of her closest friends has a mom who is away for weeks at a time. The mom has a very important job and the dad has a flexible work from home job. The dad handles the day to day and driving kids to activities.

I’m curious what our daughters will want for their own families one day.

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Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine says she knew by middle school. Both her parents worked long hours and she was lonely at home, so decided she doesn't want that for her kids.

Same for my SIL, both parents were always busy so when she had her first baby, she decided to leave her lucrative job. However, those were different times. Lives were simpler, marriages stronger and you can survive on one income. She wants her daughter to keep working because consequences are different in times of HCOL and fragile marriages.

Everyone has a different perspective and chooses accordingly. I have a friend whose parents both worked all the time. She was raised by her grandmother and nanny. Her mom never cooked and got the kids take out all the time. My friend stays home and cooks home cooked meals and packs lunch for her kids daily. This was very important for her.

DH and I both had extremely successful bosses who had messed up kids. Both our bosses and their spouses were at the top of their careers. In order to be that successful, they could not be home for their kids. DH and I both said that is not what we wanted when we one day had kids. I mommy tracked and eventually stayed home. We are both pleased with how our kids turned out. They are all high achievers but we mostly focus on character.

Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine says she knew by middle school. Both her parents worked long hours and she was lonely at home, so decided she doesn't want that for her kids.

Same for my SIL, both parents were always busy so when she had her first baby, she decided to leave her lucrative job. However, those were different times. Lives were simpler, marriages stronger and you can survive on one income. She wants her daughter to keep working because consequences are different in times of HCOL and fragile marriages.

I wanted to be a SAHM and homeschool until I had kids 😂 Turns out we all need more external structure so I work part time and the kids go to school.

she is way too young to know what she wants. That being said if she continues to want this into 18+ encourage your daughter to set herself up for success if this path doesn’t work out for her.

I’ve seen so many posts by moms in parenting groups who want out of their marriages and feel completely stuck since they never went to college and have no relevant work history. Every woman should make sure they can support themselves.

When I was five I wanted to be a cowboy. Not a cowgirl.

My four year ok currently wants to be a chef. She will make brownies and salad at her restaurant, and that is all because otherwise she will be tired.

If she said she had one, would support her dream to be a SAHP but would strongly discourage her from becoming a financial dependent. I would just say she will have to find a career where she can make enough money between 23-33 to have safe passive income, and a solid prenup if she decides to get married. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being a SAHP but being a dependent as an adult is foolish, and if that means you couldn’t independently care for your kids following a tragedy or divorce, it’s irresponsible.

In other words I think being a SAHP is like any other job and there’s such a thing as doing it well and doing it badly.