Anonymous wrote:I generally feel like men who abandon their children never have a bond with their mother. When they love the mom, they typically love the children of that woman.

+1 and sometimes tend to prioritize the children of the women they love whether they are the biodad or not. So many stories of men in 2nd marriages preferring the stepkids over their biokids from the first marriage.

I mean, if he was truly not going to parent her, the daughter's aunt adopting her is probably the best case scenario.

But yes I'd judge him terribly. Even arranging the aunt to care for the child and taking her on weekends or something...

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Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

I didn't know you could adopt your child out after a year because you simply didn't want to take care of them. He didn't want to be a single dad.

You didn't know adoptions could take place at any age? Really? We can add "ignorant" to your list of flaws.

DP here. I didn't know that this happened simply because a family did not want a child any longer. I assumed there had to be some abuse/neglect/CPS involvement. Call me ignorant!

You can more easily adopt out a young child. Not so with an older one because local laws and regulations would apply. If it were that easy a quarter of all parents would be dropping off their teens.

I'm a school counselor at a low-income high school in MoCo. Yes, parents of teens (try to) do this. Most often the teen moves in with a relative or friend.

Anonymous wrote:A lot of parents of both gender abandon kids and leave them to be raised by grandparents. For example, the number of kids in communities impacted by drug use and high incarceration rates that have little to no contact with their parents but are raised by grandparents is extremely high.

+1

We actually know several kids in this situation (being raised by grandparents) even in our UMC community. Seems semi-common to have one grown child with “serious issues”- usually drugs- and have grandparents step in. In one case, the child is now a teen and, though he still lives with the grandparents, visits biodad for some weekends and/or vacations. Biodad is now clean and sober but all have agreed that uprooting the teen would not be a good idea for anyone involved.

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Anonymous wrote:Op I used to work with a woman who placed her daughter for adoption at 8 months. She was a single mom and couldn't handle the responsibility. Nor did she want to.

I was shocked. However, mom had very little emotional attachment. The little girl was hopefully raised in a better situation.

8-month-olds are still practically potatoes. I wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment yet.

You wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment from the Mother of an 8 month old? How sad.

You obviously have no idea how long post-partum depression or psychoses lasts. Tell me you are not a therapist without telling me you are not a therapist.

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Anonymous wrote:He is a lowlife. dump him

How could he not be bonded to his own child he's had for a year? That's disturbing.

Your head is in the sand. Just about every guy friend I have has told me he did not bond with his child until the toddler years.

I saw my friend go from a wonderful and involved mom to a nearly neglectful one after the death of her husband. I think the only reason that they survived that time period was because so many of her friends stepped in to help. We don't know the whole story. It sounds like this guy knew he wasn't in a place to raise her. It sounds like he's had issues since as well. Seems much better he didn't attempt to raise the child too.

OP is either a troll or not an active member of the adoption community. About half of adoptions are family related.

I adopted my sister's baby, who was born with Down Syndrome. My sister had mental health issues her whole life and could not parent her child.

My co-worker adopted her cousin's two little kids when the cousin went to prison for repeated drug offenses.

These were winning situations for everyone involved.

A lot of parents of both gender abandon kids and leave them to be raised by grandparents. For example, the number of kids in communities impacted by drug use and high incarceration rates that have little to no contact with their parents but are raised by grandparents is extremely high.

My own brother did this. He was married forever and was told he could not have kids. As he and wife were divorcing, she realized she was pregnant. She kept it hidden from my brother. I assume for good reason. He's a shady guy even though from outward appearances seems like a nice guy. He is selfish and was in to weird stuff. Kid eventually contacted my brother and brother wants nothing to do with him. It's even more sad that his ex wife died because of poverty. She was ill and a hospital ignored her. She died as soon as she got home. She was abandoned by her own family and my brother. I mad at myself that I never contacted her after they got divorced.

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Anonymous wrote:Op I used to work with a woman who placed her daughter for adoption at 8 months. She was a single mom and couldn't handle the responsibility. Nor did she want to.

I was shocked. However, mom had very little emotional attachment. The little girl was hopefully raised in a better situation.

8-month-olds are still practically potatoes. I wouldn't expect a strong emotional attachment yet.

What???

Do you have any children?

Regarding the new wives not wanting the kids around, it’s often because having the kids around dad means he’ll always some connection with his ex and contact with her.

(Kind of like how in miss Saigon, the new wife says she might consider bringing the son to America and giving him a better life, but only if the ex is out of the picture.)

Anonymous wrote:OP - a lot of women do this, too. I know two women who abandoned their children. One moved across the country but does have a relationship with her child (she sees her twice a year) and the other one flat out abandoned the child and even the dad has no idea what happened to her. So you ladies need to shut it about this being a man only thing. Absolutely not true.

Same. Kids I grew up with. Mom married a Marine stationed in a crappy small town. She abandoned her two young girls to move to Ca for a good job. Never spoke to kids again. Dad married woman. Dad divorced woman and abandoned kids with step mom who hated them. No child deserves this. I hope both parents rot in hell.

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Anonymous wrote:Stories like this are radicalizing to me. The fact that a man can still do this, in this day and age, and not just be shunned by society, is grotesque.

I know of a woman who bailed on her kids, left them with their (wonderful) father to go "live her own life" and she was rightly shunned by the whole community, including her parents and siblings and her oldest friends.

That's misogyny at work right there. As long as men are allowed to just abandon their children when it suits them, it's a problem for society. And it's been like this forever. And our president elect has even done this! (With Tiffany).

So if someone- mother or father- knows they're not likely to a good parent, you'd rather they keep their child to avoid social ostracization than find a better home for their child?

If we were talking about people with severe mental illness or physical disabilities, sure.

People who have kids and then simply decide they don't like being a parent should be held accountable for that. We want to discourage people from having kids they don't want to care for. A true inability to care for children is a different situation.

I generally feel like men who abandon their children never have a bond with their mother. When they love the mom, they typically love the children of that woman.