Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

Anonymous wrote:Important detail needed.

1) Is AP younger and/or more attractive than OP.

2) is AP more graceful and pleasant in the eyes of the general public than OP.

3) does the AP love the cheater more than OP does prior to exposure?

Need the facts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

You are delusional.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

And many others would. If you are fine with staying with a cheater, just ignore the information and keep your head in the sand. Don't shoot the messenger because you have no self respect

It's people like you who fall the hardest when life get messy. And it always gets messy. I often wonder what it's like living in a black & white world that you must protect by hurling meaningless insults at people you don't know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

Anonymous wrote:I emailed the other betrayed spouse that their spouse and my spouse had an affair. I went back and forth about whether or not I should contact them but I felt a huge sense of relief once I shared the truth. I was no longer holding onto our cheating, lying spouses’ secret. I have enough sh!t to deal with in this awful aftermath and I refuse to safeguard others’s lies and betrayals. Sharing in case anyone else is in a similar situation. Free yourself!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

And many others would. If you are fine with staying with a cheater, just ignore the information and keep your head in the sand. Don't shoot the messenger because you have no self respect

It's people like you who fall the hardest when life get messy. And it always gets messy. I often wonder what it's like living in a black & white world that you must protect by hurling meaningless insults at people you don't know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?

Sorry, sweetheart. I am neither a cheater nor someone who’s been cheated on. If you want to damage a stranger just so you can feel good about yourself, go right ahead. But don’t pretend you had to do it or it’s to help that stranger. You show just as much self-restraint as the cheaters did. Just as much disregard for another person. More than one thing can be wrong at the same time. And two wrongs don’t make you right.

Anonymous wrote:I bet some people here who say the AP deserves whatever the AP gets, and who say that staying with a cheater is always the wrong decision, have no idea that their own spouses or parents cheated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I think it’s important for betrayed spouses to know, i think that the intent of sharing that information matters. It should come of a place of concern for THEM, not from a place of needing to offload or share the pain of the person who knows.

I feel like this case is the latter, and I also don’t think that sharing the information is truly as freeing as OP thinks it was.

I don't think it matters at all.

It can be a little bit of both. They can want the spouse to know so they have their ducks in a row, can protect their children from any potential crazies, get their affairs in order knowing they are married to someone that is going to likely file for divorce w/out their being clued in for years, and protect themselves against STIs. And, they can also be pissed and want this person out of their family, their lives. It's kind of honorable to take one off the market--maybe just maybe that won't do it to another person after getting caught. One can hope the revelation will cure them of their deficiencies and force some self introspection about how deceitful and morally corrupt they are.

If OP is to be believed, they intentionally did something without caring if they were hurting someone else just so they could feel better, not to help the other person. That someone was as innocent of blame as OP and yet OP punished them. OP didn’t call the AP and tell them off so the AP could mend their ways. They called the spouse so they could feel better about themselves.

It’s a human thing to feel and to want to do. But doing it is not noble.

That was the cheating, honey. She wouldn't have had to make a phone call, if you treated your spouse with respect and honesty. You don't get to have the moral high ground. Telling the truth vs going behind people's backs, lying and committing adultery....hmmm? Which one is wrong?