Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the poster that catches OP every time and shares the link to her previous threads. She probably sees me as a terrible person for outing her and calling her out. I want to share why this is so important to me.

You deserve peace, OP. There are so many situations that people on this earth find themselves in that are so incredibly painful and the idea of finding a sane way out of them seems nearly impossible. This is not one of those situations. I posted on your threads months ago that your therapist will not be so blunt as I am, or the other ladies posting here. Your husband is not redeemable, not with what he’s done. Deep down you know this. He didn’t make a really bad decision one night in the heat of the moment but rather cold, calculating and frankly chilling decisions day after day. Calling you what he called you was just that, it’s chilling. There’s no other word for it.

I don’t know why you hold on. Perhaps it’s the retirement accounts, fear of the unknown, whatever. But I guarantee you there is peace in your new tiny house and garden and community where you don’t need to worry about whatever bauble this horrible woman is wearing around her neck and what it might mean for your marriage and stability in life. I really wish you freedom from this toxicity and peace on the other side.

Op here. I respect your coming on and elaborating. It is helpful to get outside views it’s not about attention but rather I’m very up and down and hard to know what’s real and what isn’t what’s right to do or is foolish. I’m a kind, forgiving person , perhaps too much so. I have appreciated being able to share but I can see how it’s been misconstrued or I guess annoying. I don’t wish this on anyone I have learned that my responses and the up and down nature of “recovery” or deciding what to do is not unusual they say it’s a 2-5 year process for most people. Just thought you may try to understand that. Finances don’t keep me in my marriage I’m thankfully able to make decisions without that as a factor. But I’ll sign off . Thank you for your input and advice.

Stalking your husband's ex or current AP is never the right thing to do. So there's that.

The right thing for whom? Pretty sure the AP isn’t really in any position to assert what “the right thing” is or isn’t

It's not the right thing for OP because it's making her neurotic and obsessive and causing extended pain and injury. She either trusts that the woman is out of the picture and works with her husband to save the marriage, or she's unwilling/unable to do that and needs to work on a divorce.

Nothing about monitoring the AP helps OP, so it's not the right thing to do. Has zero to do with AP's feelings/thoughts/actions or really AP at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the poster that catches OP every time and shares the link to her previous threads. She probably sees me as a terrible person for outing her and calling her out. I want to share why this is so important to me.

You deserve peace, OP. There are so many situations that people on this earth find themselves in that are so incredibly painful and the idea of finding a sane way out of them seems nearly impossible. This is not one of those situations. I posted on your threads months ago that your therapist will not be so blunt as I am, or the other ladies posting here. Your husband is not redeemable, not with what he’s done. Deep down you know this. He didn’t make a really bad decision one night in the heat of the moment but rather cold, calculating and frankly chilling decisions day after day. Calling you what he called you was just that, it’s chilling. There’s no other word for it.

I don’t know why you hold on. Perhaps it’s the retirement accounts, fear of the unknown, whatever. But I guarantee you there is peace in your new tiny house and garden and community where you don’t need to worry about whatever bauble this horrible woman is wearing around her neck and what it might mean for your marriage and stability in life. I really wish you freedom from this toxicity and peace on the other side.

Op here. I respect your coming on and elaborating. It is helpful to get outside views it’s not about attention but rather I’m very up and down and hard to know what’s real and what isn’t what’s right to do or is foolish. I’m a kind, forgiving person , perhaps too much so. I have appreciated being able to share but I can see how it’s been misconstrued or I guess annoying. I don’t wish this on anyone I have learned that my responses and the up and down nature of “recovery” or deciding what to do is not unusual they say it’s a 2-5 year process for most people. Just thought you may try to understand that. Finances don’t keep me in my marriage I’m thankfully able to make decisions without that as a factor. But I’ll sign off . Thank you for your input and advice.

Stalking your husband's ex or current AP is never the right thing to do. So there's that.

The right thing for whom? Pretty sure the AP isn’t really in any position to assert what “the right thing” is or isn’t

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the poster that catches OP every time and shares the link to her previous threads. She probably sees me as a terrible person for outing her and calling her out. I want to share why this is so important to me.

You deserve peace, OP. There are so many situations that people on this earth find themselves in that are so incredibly painful and the idea of finding a sane way out of them seems nearly impossible. This is not one of those situations. I posted on your threads months ago that your therapist will not be so blunt as I am, or the other ladies posting here. Your husband is not redeemable, not with what he’s done. Deep down you know this. He didn’t make a really bad decision one night in the heat of the moment but rather cold, calculating and frankly chilling decisions day after day. Calling you what he called you was just that, it’s chilling. There’s no other word for it.

I don’t know why you hold on. Perhaps it’s the retirement accounts, fear of the unknown, whatever. But I guarantee you there is peace in your new tiny house and garden and community where you don’t need to worry about whatever bauble this horrible woman is wearing around her neck and what it might mean for your marriage and stability in life. I really wish you freedom from this toxicity and peace on the other side.

Op here. I respect your coming on and elaborating. It is helpful to get outside views it’s not about attention but rather I’m very up and down and hard to know what’s real and what isn’t what’s right to do or is foolish. I’m a kind, forgiving person , perhaps too much so. I have appreciated being able to share but I can see how it’s been misconstrued or I guess annoying. I don’t wish this on anyone I have learned that my responses and the up and down nature of “recovery” or deciding what to do is not unusual they say it’s a 2-5 year process for most people. Just thought you may try to understand that. Finances don’t keep me in my marriage I’m thankfully able to make decisions without that as a factor. But I’ll sign off . Thank you for your input and advice.

Stalking your husband's ex or current AP is never the right thing to do. So there's that.

Stalking the wife who doesn't even know about you is so not cool as well...yet every.single.ow/ap does it. All of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the poster that catches OP every time and shares the link to her previous threads. She probably sees me as a terrible person for outing her and calling her out. I want to share why this is so important to me.

You deserve peace, OP. There are so many situations that people on this earth find themselves in that are so incredibly painful and the idea of finding a sane way out of them seems nearly impossible. This is not one of those situations. I posted on your threads months ago that your therapist will not be so blunt as I am, or the other ladies posting here. Your husband is not redeemable, not with what he’s done. Deep down you know this. He didn’t make a really bad decision one night in the heat of the moment but rather cold, calculating and frankly chilling decisions day after day. Calling you what he called you was just that, it’s chilling. There’s no other word for it.

I don’t know why you hold on. Perhaps it’s the retirement accounts, fear of the unknown, whatever. But I guarantee you there is peace in your new tiny house and garden and community where you don’t need to worry about whatever bauble this horrible woman is wearing around her neck and what it might mean for your marriage and stability in life. I really wish you freedom from this toxicity and peace on the other side.

Op here. I respect your coming on and elaborating. It is helpful to get outside views it’s not about attention but rather I’m very up and down and hard to know what’s real and what isn’t what’s right to do or is foolish. I’m a kind, forgiving person , perhaps too much so. I have appreciated being able to share but I can see how it’s been misconstrued or I guess annoying. I don’t wish this on anyone I have learned that my responses and the up and down nature of “recovery” or deciding what to do is not unusual they say it’s a 2-5 year process for most people. Just thought you may try to understand that. Finances don’t keep me in my marriage I’m thankfully able to make decisions without that as a factor. But I’ll sign off . Thank you for your input and advice.

Stalking your husband's ex or current AP is never the right thing to do. So there's that.

OP, you are not annoying. Many of us have been there or know women who’ve been there - or know men like your husband. You can only forgive a person who is truly sorry and will not do it again - someone who commits a one time mistake or does something he can’t control. But you are not really forgiving someone if they just manipulate you into their spiderweb. In that case, what you are doing is lying to yourself because you are not seeing the true nature of what he’s doing.

I think you should write down everything he did and must have done and then make yourself read it every day. Write down not only what you know he said to her - but how, when you check your calendar, he did that the day of your kid’s soccer game, or when he wouldn’t pick you up at the airport or whatever. Connect the dots for yourself so you make yourself look at your actual circumstance. That is who he is. That is who you’re chained to on this road we call life. Now if you’re okay with him having affairs, you can open up your marriage - but you’re still stuck with the lying and lack of respect. You can’t depend on him for your self-worth and self-respect. I really think you should make your decision with your eyes open — and if your eyes were open, it wouldn’t faze you that the OP is wearing a necklace because you would be focused on you.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the poster that catches OP every time and shares the link to her previous threads. She probably sees me as a terrible person for outing her and calling her out. I want to share why this is so important to me.

You deserve peace, OP. There are so many situations that people on this earth find themselves in that are so incredibly painful and the idea of finding a sane way out of them seems nearly impossible. This is not one of those situations. I posted on your threads months ago that your therapist will not be so blunt as I am, or the other ladies posting here. Your husband is not redeemable, not with what he’s done. Deep down you know this. He didn’t make a really bad decision one night in the heat of the moment but rather cold, calculating and frankly chilling decisions day after day. Calling you what he called you was just that, it’s chilling. There’s no other word for it.

I don’t know why you hold on. Perhaps it’s the retirement accounts, fear of the unknown, whatever. But I guarantee you there is peace in your new tiny house and garden and community where you don’t need to worry about whatever bauble this horrible woman is wearing around her neck and what it might mean for your marriage and stability in life. I really wish you freedom from this toxicity and peace on the other side.

Op here. I respect your coming on and elaborating. It is helpful to get outside views it’s not about attention but rather I’m very up and down and hard to know what’s real and what isn’t what’s right to do or is foolish. I’m a kind, forgiving person , perhaps too much so. I have appreciated being able to share but I can see how it’s been misconstrued or I guess annoying. I don’t wish this on anyone I have learned that my responses and the up and down nature of “recovery” or deciding what to do is not unusual they say it’s a 2-5 year process for most people. Just thought you may try to understand that. Finances don’t keep me in my marriage I’m thankfully able to make decisions without that as a factor. But I’ll sign off . Thank you for your input and advice.

I’m the poster that catches OP every time and shares the link to her previous threads. She probably sees me as a terrible person for outing her and calling her out. I want to share why this is so important to me.

You deserve peace, OP. There are so many situations that people on this earth find themselves in that are so incredibly painful and the idea of finding a sane way out of them seems nearly impossible. This is not one of those situations. I posted on your threads months ago that your therapist will not be so blunt as I am, or the other ladies posting here. Your husband is not redeemable, not with what he’s done. Deep down you know this. He didn’t make a really bad decision one night in the heat of the moment but rather cold, calculating and frankly chilling decisions day after day. Calling you what he called you was just that, it’s chilling. There’s no other word for it.

I don’t know why you hold on. Perhaps it’s the retirement accounts, fear of the unknown, whatever. But I guarantee you there is peace in your new tiny house and garden and community where you don’t need to worry about whatever bauble this horrible woman is wearing around her neck and what it might mean for your marriage and stability in life. I really wish you freedom from this toxicity and peace on the other side.

Anonymous wrote:Awfully harsh responses to someone who is hurting hard to understand.

Hurting herself, you mean? Listen, if you're cutting your arm, I'm going to tell you to stop. That's how I help you.

Monitoring a (former?) AP's social media is a form of self-harm. Kicking yourself in your feelings, worrying about what someone you have no control over is doing with their life, and then coming to cry to DCUM about the unfairness of it all isn't healthy behavior.

It's not "harsh" to point out the truth, especially since the OP seems to have been through this multiple times already. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do for someone is refuse to indulge them in their brand of bs.

Anonymous wrote:So you've made no progress from January? At a certain point, people just deserve the situation they find themselves in. People gave OP advice when the cheating first happened and she ignored it. People gave OP advice the last time she found the social media stuff and she said over and over again that the affair was over, her husband had done a ton of work, she knew she needed to stop looked at her SM, etc. At this point, I think OP just wants the attention she gets from posting.

Perhaps just support. Affair recovery is long and non linear and difficult.

Awfully harsh responses to someone who is hurting hard to understand.

Anonymous wrote:So you've made no progress from January? At a certain point, people just deserve the situation they find themselves in. People gave OP advice when the cheating first happened and she ignored it. People gave OP advice the last time she found the social media stuff and she said over and over again that the affair was over, her husband had done a ton of work, she knew she needed to stop looked at her SM, etc. At this point, I think OP just wants the attention she gets from posting.

OP stopped responding long ago, just as she’s done with the other dozen posts she’s made. She doesn’t want to be held accountable for her own suffering or actions. She thinks that nobody responding on her threads REALLY understands that her husband has stopped cheating, that he really isn’t so bad. She wants the validation for being hurt but none of the responsibility for chaining herself to a mad who has demonstrated that nobody in his life means anything to him, not his wife, not his AP, not his children.

So you've made no progress from January? At a certain point, people just deserve the situation they find themselves in. People gave OP advice when the cheating first happened and she ignored it. People gave OP advice the last time she found the social media stuff and she said over and over again that the affair was over, her husband had done a ton of work, she knew she needed to stop looked at her SM, etc. At this point, I think OP just wants the attention she gets from posting.

AP knows or suspects wife is monitoring her social media. Having fun posting things to drive wifey nuts. Fun times!