Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 14:00     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:Of course I did, as did most people I know. I'm 44.


I'm 45 and I changed my name but I have six pretty close friends who are around the same age and never changed their names. So I don't think it's an "of course."
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 13:59     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I was a professional when I married and also thought changing my name was unnecessary. Seemed old fashioned.


I was a professional when I married but wanted my family to all have the same last name. I still work full-time and earn the same amount as my husband (actually right now slightly now but we've always been close). I am not dependent on him but I love having his last name and the same last name as our kids. I grew up in southern California and my mom worked full-time and I'd say overall my family was pretty progressive (my mom was very high up at Bank of America and worked with all men in a very male-dominated field) but I never questioned taking my husband's last name. I have never been accused of being old fashioned, conservative, traditional, or or anything like that. Oh, and my husband and I were both married before we met (no kids for either of us). So I've changed my name more than once. At this point, I don't think I'd ever change it because I now identify with his last name and I like having the same name as my children. It's not necessary, obviously, but I wanted it. Anyway, I'm sure you'll say I protest too much but I don't really care if you think it's old fashioned or not because just as I assume you don't care what I think of your choice, I didn't factor anyone else's opinion into my decision.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 13:57     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
What “man” changes his name? Could not imagine such a ball-less wonder.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 13:54     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids that have your DH's last name? Often, majority rules. So if 3 of the 4 people have your DH's last name, that's how everyone will refer to you.

I know plenty of people who have not changed their name. Zero of those women have given their last name to their children and 100% of them have given their kids their DH's last name. That's a little weird to me, but whateer


We hyphenated the kids’ names, which comes with its own problems, but we did not want to do anything else. I do find the “keep maiden name but change all kids’ names to husband’s” trend (which is a very clear majority in our area) interesting.


So you have three last names in your family?

Anne Smith
Bob Jones
Larla Smith-Jones?
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 13:11     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I changed mine because it flows better with my first name. It’s not always so deep. I don’t know why women like to make a big deal about EVERYTHING. Do something more productive with your time please instead of sitting around thinking everyone is out to kiss you off. You aren’t special because you kept your name or changed it. No one really cares.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 12:44     Subject: Re:Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and I did not change my last name to my husbands last name because I am not his property. Such an outdated and disgusting tradition.


So, you are your father’s property? Weird flex.


Thus is the exact thing I complained about above. Would you tell a man he's his father's property if he has his last name?

Why are women denied their own names? We're given them at birth, we learn to write them in preschool they're just as much ours as they our our brother's or father's.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 12:11     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I didn’t change my name, honestly it seems antiquated to me.

If anything, I regret not giving my daughters my name or at least a double last name name- (not hyphenated)

I’m tired of living in a patriarchy, can you tell?


Sad for you and family


DP

You mean you feel sorry for how someone else feels about society. So strange. It's like me feeling sorry for you to choose misogyny - I don't. I'm confused that people like you still exist, but I don't pity you. You made your choices in life, you live with them. Same with PP - she decided not to give her kids her name - now she lives with that. No pity for either of you from me.

OP, I have a live and let live mentality. I didn't change my name and I gave my kids DH's surname. We discussed it and decided to do this mutually. Dh suggested I give girls my name and boys his - I responded with - 'no one ever questions who the mom is, we'll give all our kids your name'. I don't regret our decision. It's just a name.

Now if DH had an awesome name, like 'God' I would have changed my name in two shakes of a lambs tail.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 12:08     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I didn't change my last name. Married 15 years. Just didn't see any reason to do it.

We don't have kids - don't know if I'd feel differently if we did. Probably not.

Does it speak to some lack of confidence in us as a unit? Maybe? I don't see us getting divorced but perhaps I did want to build in some independence. I was a journalist when we got married and all my clips were in my old name, and that mattered to me.

I really hate getting things addressed to Mrs Husband's First And Last Name. It's just sort of gross.

Anyway - my younger brother's wife did change her name. They have kids.

Seems like whatever people want to do is fine!
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 11:53     Subject: Re:Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I pretty much regret changing mine. It still doesn't feel like my own name, and I much prefer my original last name.

It is also an interruption careerwise for women.

I'd love to change it back, if that were a thing.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 11:48     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:Of course I did, as did most people I know. I'm 44. [/quot

Of course not. I'm 44, and very few old fashioned people my age did.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 11:14     Subject: Re:Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I am a woman and I did not change my last name to my husbands last name because I am not his property. Such an outdated and disgusting tradition.


So, you are your father’s property? Weird flex.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 11:09     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I changed my name when I married for reasons most of you wouldn't understand. Getting married is the easiest opportunity a person has to change their name. To change your name in other circumstances requires money, time and public notification. I am happy with the decision.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 11:05     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I did because I want everyone in the family (parents + kids) to have the same last name.


And then if you have daughters and they copy you, they won't have the same name as you so it's only a temporary arrangement.

If your husband dies young or you divorce and remarry and have another baby, the older kids will have a different name than you and the new baby.

The reason women changed their names was that they were not legal individuals. They were owned by their fathers then those ownership rights were passed to the husband.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 11:00     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
Anonymous wrote:Of course I did, as did most people I know. I'm 44.


Of course I didn't. I'm nearly 60. None of the women older than me in the places I've worked changed their names. They were all industry leaders.
Anonymous
Post 10/13/2024 10:56     Subject: Women (or men too I guess) did you change your last name after marriage?
I kept my name. At a recent wedding in France, I was described like "Madame Pierre Dupont" - I didn't even get my first name. It was an ultra conservative wedding mass where the bride promised to obey her husband.