Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

I think race (or culture that the person was raised in) is a significant factor. This is why you hear of passport bros, but never the opposite. Believe it or not, as much as American women complain about the unequal division of labor in marriage, the non-western world is several times worse. Standards are way higher for American men, that's why the dating market skews heavily towards them (the exact opposite is true of non western men).

This is true. I am African and I tell my sister if you want an equal partner marry an American man.

Not the case. Plus if they marry an "American man" their sex life will suffer. To each their own.

so, the choices are:

1. great sex life, and do all the house chores

or

2. sex life sucks, but at least the house gets cleaned

FYI - libido goes way down at some point, but the house always needs cleaning.

^
This is generally true and I agree with you. However the state of “white” American marriages today is that the husband does the majority of the cooking and all of the cleaning. It’s not that the wives are doing 50% of the domestic work/chores and forcing their men to pick up the slack…it’s that they’re doing very little of it…because after a hard day at work (not disputing that) there isn’t enough energy to cook a meal…and after a hard week of work the weekend is for hanging around in pajamas and binge watching shows while your husband does the yard and cooks nice sat and sun meals…it’s certainly not for dusting and cleaning.

Maybe it’s the pendulum swinging all the way to the other end because our dads and grandpas were selfish jackasses, but that doesn’t make it any fairer to todays “white” husbands.

That’s my assumption of the op…that she’s just another white girl raised by a feminist (who did all the domestic work btw) to believe she shouldn’t have to do this stuff because she has a job. We’ll, the stuff’s still gotta get done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

No. There are some cultures where the men won’t do anything. They won’t change diapers, cook or clean. Nada. That’s not typical for the average white guy. White men aren’t perfect but they generally do SOMETHING. South Asian men, African and middle eastern are known not to do much.

You are correct. I am from Togo in west Africa and what you described is exactly the type of household I grew up in. I am 44 and I think a major shifted started with women born in the 1980s. In my marriage to a fellow Togolese women I do not enjoy the same perks my dad it; however, I still get away with far more than most American men. But my advice to any dad is be involved you will be much closer to your kids. I am much closer to my kids and my dad can't say the same. I attribute this to me being involved and being an equal partner as much as I can to my wife. And my wife within our community always brag about how different I am and how grateful she is. Think about your kids dads forget about the perks your dads had.

Women born in the 1980s and beyond were raised with the expectation that they would also have to work to provide for their families. Capitalism cannot have it both ways. If the women have to work outside of the home to help support their families, someone has to pick up the slack that they cannot do at home. Sorry men, you've been riding the patriarchy far too long and the gravy train has ended. You want the benefit of having a wife who works, which is a doubled HHI, more money in retirement/savings, a bigger and better house, then you need to be prepared to support the family around the house more than your dads did. The problem is that today's men seem to think that their wives should keep carrying the housework and family management load while working full time.

The enlightened ones realize that they have to share in the management of the household and the perk is a better relationship with their kids.

Well as a Hispanic woman who has met traditional men not just Hispanic man but also Muslim and Indian is that they typically get along better with the same culture. It is a macho culture where polyamory is looked down on so you won't find any Latino man sharing his woman. As for cooking and cleaning that is traditionally a girl's job to a traditional man. And I heard a lot of these traditional men believe that a white woman will live La vida loca before getting married and be part of the hookup culture have a lot of lovers be passed around and generally not respected. And these women don't like to cook or clean because a domestic lifestyle is not theirs. So men of these cultures would not typically settle down with a white woman because of this.

For example I read that Indian men typically go to Russia to hook up and sow their wild oats with white Russian women before they settle down with a most likely virgin woman from their country.

You can have a gender or ability or preference based division of labor where one person always cooks and another does all pickups and driving or one person cleans and the other one maintains cars, plumbing, cleans very dirty things, etc.

The issue is when one person is free riding. That’s not on in traditional cultures among normal, healthy people, any more than it is in woke cultures.

OP, it sounds like your DH is looking for a maid. That’s not on.

(Canadian here and DH cooks, cleans and takes care of the kids as much as I do, but I’d be fine with a different split as long as no one was taking advantage.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

I think race (or culture that the person was raised in) is a significant factor. This is why you hear of passport bros, but never the opposite. Believe it or not, as much as American women complain about the unequal division of labor in marriage, the non-western world is several times worse. Standards are way higher for American men, that's why the dating market skews heavily towards them (the exact opposite is true of non western men).

This is true. I am African and I tell my sister if you want an equal partner marry an American man.

Not the case. Plus if they marry an "American man" their sex life will suffer. To each their own.

I would hire cleaners - my husband (we are both white) had many period of low or no employment when we were first married and never cleaned even though i was working 60-70 hours a week. So I just hired someone to relieve that area of strain - it was annoying but not worth the fighting about it, now 25 plus years later - he has been a great sahd and partner. I think its rare to find a DH who will clean w/out alot of constant nagging They are spoiled by their mothers who make the sisters wait on them (as was the case in my family growing up).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

I think race (or culture that the person was raised in) is a significant factor. This is why you hear of passport bros, but never the opposite. Believe it or not, as much as American women complain about the unequal division of labor in marriage, the non-western world is several times worse. Standards are way higher for American men, that's why the dating market skews heavily towards them (the exact opposite is true of non western men).

What do these guys want? It sounds like they just want a maid.

Well, a spouse's gender, race or income doesn't matter, both need to work together to have a happy family, a comfy home and a solid relationship. You don't have to be 50/50 every minute in every way, you just have to be 100 in total to keep harmony. Love, respect and loyalty are non negotiable but breaking up your children's family over division of chores or money is the most stupid decision any couple can make. You are an adult, you picked this person, dated them, moved in together, ran a household together, married them, had one kid with them, did parenting together, had more kids so you kept seeing some worth in them. Don't run away because long marriage with kids and jobs is difficult to manage, rise above pettiness and urge to find easy exit, make things work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

I think race (or culture that the person was raised in) is a significant factor. This is why you hear of passport bros, but never the opposite. Believe it or not, as much as American women complain about the unequal division of labor in marriage, the non-western world is several times worse. Standards are way higher for American men, that's why the dating market skews heavily towards them (the exact opposite is true of non western men).

This is true. I am African and I tell my sister if you want an equal partner marry an American man.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

I think race (or culture that the person was raised in) is a significant factor. This is why you hear of passport bros, but never the opposite. Believe it or not, as much as American women complain about the unequal division of labor in marriage, the non-western world is several times worse. Standards are way higher for American men, that's why the dating market skews heavily towards them (the exact opposite is true of non western men).

And despite most White(any race) American men are still viewed as not doing enough. Most DWs still think their American DHs are not that involved. The truth is these are the best men they will honestly get if they want equal partners. As others have noted in other cultures it is one sided.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's be honest: Same race, different race, same ethnicity, different ethnicity, same religion, different religion..,doesn't matter.

Every relationship is going to have issues.

+1 I'm pretty sure that this is an issue for a lot of couples, irrespective of race. Just look at this forum.

This is a marital dynamic issue, not a race issue.

I'm in a biracial marriage: I'm Asian; he's white. I do not play the trad wife. DH does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, but I do clean, which I don't mind as much.

No. There are some cultures where the men won’t do anything. They won’t change diapers, cook or clean. Nada. That’s not typical for the average white guy. White men aren’t perfect but they generally do SOMETHING. South Asian men, African and middle eastern are known not to do much.

You are correct. I am from Togo in west Africa and what you described is exactly the type of household I grew up in. I am 44 and I think a major shifted started with women born in the 1980s. In my marriage to a fellow Togolese women I do not enjoy the same perks my dad it; however, I still get away with far more than most American men. But my advice to any dad is be involved you will be much closer to your kids. I am much closer to my kids and my dad can't say the same. I attribute this to me being involved and being an equal partner as much as I can to my wife. And my wife within our community always brag about how different I am and how grateful she is. Think about your kids dads forget about the perks your dads had.

Anonymous wrote:I have seen this dynamic so I don't think OP is a troll. It is exacerbated when the husband was not raised in the US, does not have any sisters and the mother in law lives close by.
Honestly if you do not have children, divorce. He will not change any diapers and is not interested in raising the kid except if it's teaching his son soccer.
Just out of curiosity, do you sometimes go out with friends who are not Hispanic as a couple and he spends most of his time scrolling on his phone?

100% True. I warn American women before marrying non-American men like me. American dads are great. They are fully involved and do as much as the moms. I am Hispanic and married a Hispanic woman. I am not interested in changing diaper, cooking or having a woman talked back to me in public in a disrespectful way.

Ew. Not my idea of a good partner. What does he bring to the table?