Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 11:14     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
I feel like if someone had written this letter about their spouse working late and they'd gone out with their friends and the spouse had asked the poster to grab some carryout people would tell the poster to do it. Being nice to someone who's been working seems like extremely normal thing to do.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 11:10     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
If kids are busy with activities, a big schoolwork assignment, work etc and we are going out to grab something casual I offer to bring food back.

If we are going out somewhere special for a date night they fend for themselves.

If they are free and invited out but don’t want to come they can stay home and fend for themselves.

That said I don’t think fending for oneself is a punishment in our family. If our teenager would prefer to lay in bed and watch a movie instead of come to dinner it’s also nbd for them to go down to the kitchen for snacks. If they would have come but are crazy busy I offer to grab something just to be nice
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 11:02     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
What you did was perfectly reasonable. There was a kitchen full of food that she could have prepared in a few minutes (grilled cheese, ramen, pasta, omelette, pancakes/french toast). We went out last night too. My 17 year old made pancakes, my 16 year old made a frozen pizza. I have no idea what my 23 year old did for dinner. However, we have never brought them home food. We stopped preparing food when they hit the teen years. They like choosing whatever they want.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:58     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Sorry I didn't read the posts....

There is no universe where my hard working school senior would come home from a long day of working, studying, or extracurriculars and have to figure out dinner for herself.

Not saying she's "entitled" to carryout. If I got carryout, that would be my choice because I didn't want to cook something separate or I knew she loved a certain dish and wanted to treat her.

Whether it's restaurant food, a dinner I made, something I heated up, whatever-- she would have dinner waiting for her.

If on a rare occasion I couldn't get this done (for example, I have some health challenges) I would inform her ahead of time, like text her at work, and she would be understanding. But she would never come home to find no one had thought about her.

But... families do things differently!
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:52     Subject: Re:Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:We don’t bring carry out home ever for our kids.

That said, if they’ve been at work for a long shift or a rehearsal or practice or have a tight window of free time between activities, I check in to see if they have a plan to eat and will offer to send food etc if they don’t have a lot of plan. Many times it’s don’t worry I’ve got it in their end. My attitude about this stuff is families help each other and we all look out for each other. That’s how I’d treat my spouse. If he is home late after a long day I’d ask if he’s eaten and probably offer to make him a plate or let him know what’s in the fridge as leftovers and he’d do the same. But this assumes a baseline of everyone is polite each other and no entitlement.


this

the only time we don't (at least offer) is when we invite him and he would rather sit at home vs going with us. But if we go out while DS is at work/practice/etc, we either text an offer or just bring something home and if he doesn't want it, DH or I eat it for lunch.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:47     Subject: Re:Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
We don’t bring carry out home ever for our kids.

That said, if they’ve been at work for a long shift or a rehearsal or practice or have a tight window of free time between activities, I check in to see if they have a plan to eat and will offer to send food etc if they don’t have a lot of plan. Many times it’s don’t worry I’ve got it in their end. My attitude about this stuff is families help each other and we all look out for each other. That’s how I’d treat my spouse. If he is home late after a long day I’d ask if he’s eaten and probably offer to make him a plate or let him know what’s in the fridge as leftovers and he’d do the same. But this assumes a baseline of everyone is polite each other and no entitlement.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:42     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You created this and your children are entitled.

We never bring carry out home when we eat out without the kids and our kids are in elementary school. I cannot imagine high schoolers not knowing how to feed themselves or expecting me to feed them outside of doing groceries.

I assume you have food at home.
I assume your 17 year old gets lunch or dinner breaks at work.
I assume she can make her own food when she gets home or worst case she could get in the car and pick something up for herself with some of the money that she makes.


This. I guess I don’t really understood. We never bring carry out back when we go on dates- not once. When the kids were younger, I made sure they had dinner for the babysitter to heat up, or they got pizza. Now that they are teens, if we go out, I make sure the frig is stocked, but they can easily make themselves grilled cheese, quesadillas, omelettes, eat leftovers. Your kids are even older and driving. As long as they know ahead of time you and spouse are going out to dinner, they can fix themselves something at home or grab their own takeout on the way home. Your kids are brats


Some of you posters are raising kids who aren’t going to call you or visit you when you’re old. You should definitely plan on that - you have ample time and opportunity, and you have set the precedent that you are not responsible for your kids and therefore they are not responsible for you. And that anyone desiring family to think of them or their happiness beyond basic responsibility is a brat.

Enjoy the old folks home, people.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:39     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.


It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)


Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?


The fact that you folks keep bringing up college in a thread about high school (and some posters have even bragged about not feeding their middle school kids) is telling.

I teach my minor children how to cook. I also make sure that my minor children are fed. One can (and should) do both. Pretending that leaving your kids to fend for themselves is good parenting is simply a justification for selfish and lazy parental behavior.


Pp you are replying to. I mention college because the significant majority of 17 year old kids of DCUM posters are heading to college.

My kids are in 7th and 8th grades. On the rare occasions I actually head out to dinner without them, theres very little chance I’m actually cooking a dinner before I head out for a relaxing dinner out. I tell them the options they can make, which almost always includes leftovers and leave.

If op’s kids wants to work that many hours then I find it hard to believe they weren’t provided breaks during which they could grab something to eat.


I, too, was the most amazing perfect parent to high schoolers until I had them.


Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:36     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:How were you imagining she’d eat? What’s in the house?

From the way you tell the story, you were normal parents who fed their kids dinner every night. Then one evening you just decided to stop…without warning. If you’re going to stop feeding your minor child, I think the time to tell her isn’t 10pm on a weeknight when she just got home from working.


Ooof some very spoiled children here who can’t think on their feet. Presumably OP has food in her freezer and fridge that her kid can heat up.

This would be a non issue in my house.if my kid really wanted something they would door dash! Using their money.

Most 17 year olds like being independent and doing things on their own anyway.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:32     Subject: Re:Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
I haven’t read the many pages but my question is if you informed the 17 year old you’d be out and she’d be on her own for dinner. That’s what we have always done with our kids. I make sure there are either leftovers or ingredients to make something but give them notice that they’re on their own.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:21     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:You created this and your children are entitled.

We never bring carry out home when we eat out without the kids and our kids are in elementary school. I cannot imagine high schoolers not knowing how to feed themselves or expecting me to feed them outside of doing groceries.

I assume you have food at home.
I assume your 17 year old gets lunch or dinner breaks at work.
I assume she can make her own food when she gets home or worst case she could get in the car and pick something up for herself with some of the money that she makes.


This. I guess I don’t really understood. We never bring carry out back when we go on dates- not once. When the kids were younger, I made sure they had dinner for the babysitter to heat up, or they got pizza. Now that they are teens, if we go out, I make sure the frig is stocked, but they can easily make themselves grilled cheese, quesadillas, omelettes, eat leftovers. Your kids are even older and driving. As long as they know ahead of time you and spouse are going out to dinner, they can fix themselves something at home or grab their own takeout on the way home. Your kids are brats
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:12     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.


It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)


Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?


The fact that you folks keep bringing up college in a thread about high school (and some posters have even bragged about not feeding their middle school kids) is telling.

I teach my minor children how to cook. I also make sure that my minor children are fed. One can (and should) do both. Pretending that leaving your kids to fend for themselves is good parenting is simply a justification for selfish and lazy parental behavior.


Pp you are replying to. I mention college because the significant majority of 17 year old kids of DCUM posters are heading to college.

My kids are in 7th and 8th grades. On the rare occasions I actually head out to dinner without them, theres very little chance I’m actually cooking a dinner before I head out for a relaxing dinner out. I tell them the options they can make, which almost always includes leftovers and leave.

If op’s kids wants to work that many hours then I find it hard to believe they weren’t provided breaks during which they could grab something to eat.


I, too, was the most amazing perfect parent to high schoolers until I had them.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 10:02     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s never crossed my mind once while eating out to order food to bring home to my kids. I do tell them all the options at home for dinner so they know what’s available to them. But I’d never bring anything home more than just leftovers.


It doesn’t cross my mind either when I go out. But maybe that’s because I make them dinner BEFORE I go out. (You know, like a good parent.)


Wow, that’s super judgmental. Good parents teach kids how to cook and not rely on others for all their meals by their late teens. If your kids don’t like what’s offered at the college cafeteria if they go to college, will you show up with a hot meal?


The fact that you folks keep bringing up college in a thread about high school (and some posters have even bragged about not feeding their middle school kids) is telling.

I teach my minor children how to cook. I also make sure that my minor children are fed. One can (and should) do both. Pretending that leaving your kids to fend for themselves is good parenting is simply a justification for selfish and lazy parental behavior.


Pp you are replying to. I mention college because the significant majority of 17 year old kids of DCUM posters are heading to college.

My kids are in 7th and 8th grades. On the rare occasions I actually head out to dinner without them, theres very little chance I’m actually cooking a dinner before I head out for a relaxing dinner out. I tell them the options they can make, which almost always includes leftovers and leave.

If op’s kids wants to work that many hours then I find it hard to believe they weren’t provided breaks during which they could grab something to eat.
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 09:53     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I used to work 15 hour days around your daughter’s age. Including my commute, I was out of the house for 17 hours at a time. I would come home and pass out, because that’s how exhausted I was (and get up a few hours later to do my schoolwork).

I was really grateful to have supportive parents that understood that there were little things they could do to make my life easier. One or the other would get up early to make me breakfast. Dad would offer to drive me. There was a plate in the microwave for me. None was that was because I asked for it or expected it, but because they understood that I was trying, and wanted me to know that they were appreciative and supportive.

We have continued to have close relationships as adults. I guess this is my long winded way of saying you should always choose kindness. Your children will never forget it.


+1. What’s wrong with showing some kindness to your kids especially if they were at work? As a parent you absolutely should show some regard to what your child will eat after they come home late. I mean it’s not as if the OP was also at work or was really sick so couldn’t think of dinner. OP went out to a nice dinner and complete forgot about their kid. It’s these parents who will wonder why their adult children don’t stay in touch with them once they move out. I can’t imagine not making sure my child has something to eat when they come home late from school or work.


It shouldn’t be expected that they get carryout. That’s the issue. Who said there was no food at home?
Anonymous
Post 09/22/2024 09:52     Subject: Daughter & Son expect carryout when we go out
You created this and your children are entitled.

We never bring carry out home when we eat out without the kids and our kids are in elementary school. I cannot imagine high schoolers not knowing how to feed themselves or expecting me to feed them outside of doing groceries.

I assume you have food at home.
I assume your 17 year old gets lunch or dinner breaks at work.
I assume she can make her own food when she gets home or worst case she could get in the car and pick something up for herself with some of the money that she makes.