I'm letting DC decide but we're in CA and I'm hoping against hope that Berkeley or UCLA are in the cards.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless your family is horribly toxic, I think most would like to be able to be close to their families as they start families.

I thought this thread was about where kids go to college, not where they'll live when they start families.

Two totally different things. None of our kids live in the city where they attended college.

Not always.

I’d love DC to be within 2-3 hours. That said, I expect them to go to graduate school and that’s harder to control the geography of. I’d love for them to decide to make their career in DC and be in the same city. <3

Anonymous wrote:I'm fine with my daughter going far away because she is very independent. But we also have a special needs son and I will encourage him to stay closer to home because he will likely need some support

I had hoped for this, but we found a school with specialized supports for neurodivergent students almost 8 hours from home. I’m taking a leap of faith and sending my daughter off, but the school should be a nice cocoon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I let my kid decide, but was secretly glad when she chose to stay on this side of the country.

I had cautioned her that if she chose a school on the west coast, it would mean that she likely could not come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas (due to the cost of air travel).

After she picked mostly East Coast schools to consider, we favored those that had an Amtrak connection (though did not eliminate those which did not). That was because she did not bring a car to college, and it was convenient for her to just jump on a train and be able to sleep or study on her way home (I was glad to not have to travel to get her every break, Thanksgiving, etc).

You can’t afford 500 bucks twice a year? Way to scare her into what you wanted all along.

You're wrong. We talked about the pros and cons of every decision she made. For example, she ruled out our state flagship from the start, because she feared it would feel like high school 2.0 (many of her former classmates were heading there). I accepted HER decision unequivocally.

I am a single parent who was being realistic financially. They come home many times a year. I was not going to pay for cross country airfare to come and go at the beginning and end of the year. Spring/fall break, travel to family weekend, as well as twice in the three weeks between Thanksgiving WEEKEND and the long winter break. For us, that would not have been practical.

It is one thing to be privileged. It is quite another to be judgmental and obnoxious.

I'm fine with my daughter going far away because she is very independent. But we also have a special needs son and I will encourage him to stay closer to home because he will likely need some support

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless your family is horribly toxic, I think most would like to be able to be close to their families as they start families.

I thought this thread was about where kids go to college, not where they'll live when they start families.

Two totally different things. None of our kids live in the city where they attended college.

People are tying all of it together.

The idea that kids choose to go far to school to get away from toxic families was floated.

Then people were talking about how we’re all so disconnected with our families these days because we choose to be far from our families, either during or after school.

I was simply noting that unless your family is toxic, many would ideally choose life near families once they started one of their own. I know we have considered many scenarios to make that possible. We are within a couple hours of my family, but still far from his.

I went 8 hours from home for school because it was the best school for me. My daughter is doing the same. She’ll figure out after she graduates her next step. And we will love and support her as we always have, including her extended family whether we are physically close or not. Being more than 2-3 hours doesn’t lead to detachment or whatever some of these posters have in mind. We care about our families and value those connections just as much as those who all live in the same town.

Anonymous wrote:I let my kid decide, but was secretly glad when she chose to stay on this side of the country.

I had cautioned her that if she chose a school on the west coast, it would mean that she likely could not come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas (due to the cost of air travel).

After she picked mostly East Coast schools to consider, we favored those that had an Amtrak connection (though did not eliminate those which did not). That was because she did not bring a car to college, and it was convenient for her to just jump on a train and be able to sleep or study on her way home (I was glad to not have to travel to get her every break, Thanksgiving, etc).

You can’t afford 500 bucks twice a year? Way to scare her into what you wanted all along.

Anonymous wrote:Mine have gone far and I'm more than okay with it. My goal is for them to realize how cool DC is and come back but make sure it is their choice. If they find someplace cooler and stay - we'll visit a lot! It's actually very gratifying to see the independence.

DC is cool? That’s news to me and I’m from here.

I let my kid decide, but was secretly glad when she chose to stay on this side of the country.

I had cautioned her that if she chose a school on the west coast, it would mean that she likely could not come home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas (due to the cost of air travel).

After she picked mostly East Coast schools to consider, we favored those that had an Amtrak connection (though did not eliminate those which did not). That was because she did not bring a car to college, and it was convenient for her to just jump on a train and be able to sleep or study on her way home (I was glad to not have to travel to get her every break, Thanksgiving, etc).

Anonymous wrote:Unless your family is horribly toxic, I think most would like to be able to be close to their families as they start families.

I thought this thread was about where kids go to college, not where they'll live when they start families.

Two totally different things. None of our kids live in the city where they attended college.

We got lucky. Our daughter’s dream school is only two hours away. We hope she finds internships, and eventually a job, close to NOVA. Our relatives live overseas, and I think she sees the benefit of raising a family close to us (future grandparents). She didn’t have that experience growing up. The DMV region has a lot of employment opportunities in her field. Buuut… you never know!

Anonymous wrote:My kids will be limited to a direct flight away. And will let them know I want them within the Chicago, DC Boston triangle. Anything beyond that needs a very significant scholarship

Similar situation. My kids have no desire to go out west and prefer to stay on the East Coast or in Chicago.
Logistics are extremely important, and a nonstop flight should be available if the schools are far away.
In-state is acceptable if within a three-hour drive.
We strongly prefer schools in cities, narrowing the options to Chicago, Boston, and New York, where a car isn't necessary, and all amenities are nearby.

We've learned that a school is not just about academics, but also about the variety of experiences the environment provides, and cities offer more in that regard.
Since we have three kids, if they all end up in different cities, we will move to the location where it's easiest for everyone to meet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I know is that I will hear people say “you’re so lucky you live near your kids’ grandparents,” or “you’re so lucky your adult children can come over for dinners.” It’s not luck. It’s families making it a priority to be in the same location. Nobody can say that it’s as easy to see their family that is 2k miles away as their family in the next town.

+1. This. It takes effort and sacrifice. Everyone complains about how lonely and miserable they are but they don't want to make the sacrifices to prioritize family. But they'll read a million self-help articles on how to overcome loneliness by going for walks. Honestly, the way we're moving forward as a society is really sad. Americans are miserable.

Maybe you’re just miserable and projecting it onto everyone else? Lots of people don’t live near their families and are perfectly fine.

Many people grew up in places where the “sacrifice” to move back there would be massive (no jobs, dying towns, bad schools, etc) and make their lives worse on net.

The local college argument above doesn’t really work in this area

In MD, the flagship IS the “local school”

In NoVA, Mason is an incredibly solid school and there is no shame in going there. I have a friend with a child who chose Mason while her “local school” would be Tech (her older brother and her twin sister chose Tech). I also know plenty of students from FCPS and LCPS who chose Mason and are living in the dorms and don’t come home often. NoVA also has a number of state schools within a couple hours of home, including UVA and W&M.

I will be honest - because of costs, I thought at first that state schools were our only option. And as a VA resident, that wasn’t some awful fate. Lots of good schools to choose from-and yes, I’m even talking about ODU, Radford and Longwood (Radford wound up as my daughter’s runner up). I discovered that there were oos and private options that give scholarship dollars to bring costs in line with state school costs.

My child chose a small private oos because it met her wants and needs best. Her cheapest option actually would have been a small private in VA, but it didn’t wind up being the best option for her.

We are blessed to be able to say it wasn’t all about cost. Not everyone can. And even if that IS the reason for why a student goes to a local school, there is no shame. College is ridiculously expensive. Everybody makes whatever calculations they have to between cost, programs, prestige, distance, etc.

If your child decides being closer to home is important in their search, good for them. We ruled out one school for just being “too far”. But our radius wasn’t 2-3 hours. That is a personal choice, and there is no reason for any one to judge any of it.