Lol this thread is confirmation that divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods and f***ked. Man the attacks on this guy just for saying he is willing to have another child wow

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am not worried about the financials. I am paying child support and my kids are not lacking anything nor will I neglect them if I have another child. As I said it is not my intention to remarry and have more kids but I really love my current girlfriend and if she says she wants to marry because she wants a child I would do it. But of course I am worried being a new dad all over again as I am entering my 50s.

I think it would be very hard not to neglect them in some way if you have more children. I mean, in some ways, having a baby is easy. You can drag them along to stuff your older kids are doing.
But when your second set of kids is 12 and 14, and your current kids are young adults, you aren’t really going to be able to be around.

Should you give up on marriage and having a second family so that you can be around when your kids sporadically need you? I don’t know. But don’t pretend there are no downsides.

Would you honestly same the same about women? There are plenty of women on this forum who remarry and have kids OP's ages and I don't recall people telling them what you are telling OP.

Look, if a 46 year-old woman who has been dating a guy for ONE MONTH comes on DCUM and wonders about maybe getting pregnant again closer to 50, I'm pretty sure people would react similarly.

The only positive reactions I've seen on this site to women wondering if they should get pregnant in their 40s have been aimed at women who are already married and who really feel their family isn't complete yet, and who are ready to start trying immediately. Not women who thought they were done and then met a guy who wanted biological kids.

To the OP: As for the "will you be a better dad?" questions, you might be for the earliest years, because you are more financially and emotionally stable presumably. But you also weren't a kid when your first set of kids were born so it might not be that much of an improvement. You need to think about the long hard slog that is parenting, though. Yes, you'd be in your early 50s for the infant/toddler years, but parenting doesn't stop after those years. Do you really want to be getting up at 4 am for swim practice in your 60s? Or giving up your entire weekend for baseball tournaments? Or driving carpool after closing curtain every night during tech week for the fall musical? Or jumping on a plane in your 70s because your young adult child is having a hard time in the dorms?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman, and no bitterness or jealousy is causing me to feel creeped out by your post. You seem to be acting on impulse and not thinking clearly. Every child deserves careful consideration, and keep in mind that situations change….one of your children may have increased needs and you may struggle to provide if torn between two families. Please - Do right by the kids you currently have and wait and see if girlfriend situation stands the test of time. Don’t be a deadbeat or get into a situation where girlfriend takes all.

You make valid points. However these same issues you are raising people do not apply them to women. When it comes to remarrying or having more children post divorce on this forum for strange reasons it's always the men who are told to pause and think about it.

Last month I attended a wedding for a woman who was 48 with 2 kids. I believe they were 7 and 9. It was her second marriage. I don't know if the guy had kids nor do I know his age but he looks much younger. She probably had to wrestle with the same questions as you OP. I wish them luck that's all I can say. Some of the comments here have a hint of jealousy or mistrust not sure how to characterize it. But when people are saying you should focus on your current kids over your own happiness they will not put it the same way if you were the ex wife. It seems as if by default people assume when men remarry they will simply abandon and/or neglect their first kids.

This is one of those situations where it reads creepy as a post but the long term outcome in the real life situations I know matches the effort the dad puts into the older kids and keeping harmony. (So situation with tons of effort with the older kids seems to be going ok). However, most of these situations that I know, the Dad started much younger than OP. So I do think that OP is kidding himself on aging but the reality is so many people kid themselves on aging that OP wouldn’t be different.

But your comment that your GF is everything your wife is not is lame and lacks any kind of insight- that kind of things strikes me as the most problematic of all your statements.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you please respond to previous question about finances? Are there college funds for 2 older kids, can you afford a new house with new wife, a 3rd college fund; and split your retirement in divorce ?

OP here. College funds are okay, 100k for each child. I just closed on a new house couple of months ago. Retirement is okay as well.

100K each is not much actually. And the new wife would request adding her to the title of your new house, or buying a new house together. Also, the question on the retirement was different: is what you have now sufficient to live through 75 at least with the same spent? Can you afford losing some part of your newly accumulated retirement (e.g. during marriage), if it ends in divorce?

Also, important is if she works and how much she's making relative you, and if she expects to be SAHM

100k is more than enough. My son is a senior in college and 100k is what we had in 529. He will graduate next year from Virginia Tech with no debt. There will even be enough money left to pay for a masters. He started an internship this summer with Google.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Focus on your two kids who need you now and who you need to help launch.

OP, they are telling you that your kids and ex wife would strongly object.

Tell this to your girlfriend, and your dilemma will be solved.

I agree and he should tell the exact same thing to his ex wife if she thinks about remarrying and blending families. He should tell her to think about him and their kids especially their kids. If she loves their kids she should put their interest first and not remarry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you please respond to previous question about finances? Are there college funds for 2 older kids, can you afford a new house with new wife, a 3rd college fund; and split your retirement in divorce ?

OP here. College funds are okay, 100k for each child. I just closed on a new house couple of months ago. Retirement is okay as well.

100K each is not much actually. And the new wife would request adding her to the title of your new house, or buying a new house together. Also, the question on the retirement was different: is what you have now sufficient to live through 75 at least with the same spent? Can you afford losing some part of your newly accumulated retirement (e.g. during marriage), if it ends in divorce?

Also, important is if she works and how much she's making relative you, and if she expects to be SAHM

I am not OP but y'all are crazy....100k is enough for 3 years at a decent public university.

No - you are crazy . And what if his older kids want to go to a private ? Or it’s not relevant anymore to OP?
Is he ok adding the new wife to house title, losing part of pension, have another divorce in his 50s?

The kids should go where the parents can afford. You are crazy. People can still get a descent education at a public college. Drop your elitist nonsense. I got my electrical engineering degree from Purdue University (you probably never heard of it and that's okay) and I do not believe that someone who went to say Stanford had a significantly better education. That bright student who sent to Stanford would have succeeded anywhere even if they had chosen not to attend college. So stop saying a child needs to have say $150k or even more saved for college.

Interestingly, my child also goes to Purdue so I do know it. The tuition and living costs are close to 50k/year now for out of state. But I still think they would have done way better at Carnegie where they were accepted but rich dad made them decline the admission offer. It’s undeniable that exit salaries and connections are different from these schools. My priority would be my children

I am not the poster. My son went to Penn State over Carnegie Mellon due to cost. He got into a scholar program at Penn State. And I think it made a difference in terms of opportunities post graduation. We shouldn't normalize these crazy tuition rates it's really getting out of control.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am not worried about the financials. I am paying child support and my kids are not lacking anything nor will I neglect them if I have another child. As I said it is not my intention to remarry and have more kids but I really love my current girlfriend and if she says she wants to marry because she wants a child I would do it. But of course I am worried being a new dad all over again as I am entering my 50s.

I think it would be very hard not to neglect them in some way if you have more children. I mean, in some ways, having a baby is easy. You can drag them along to stuff your older kids are doing.
But when your second set of kids is 12 and 14, and your current kids are young adults, you aren’t really going to be able to be around.

Should you give up on marriage and having a second family so that you can be around when your kids sporadically need you? I don’t know. But don’t pretend there are no downsides.

Would you honestly same the same about women? There are plenty of women on this forum who remarry and have kids OP's ages and I don't recall people telling them what you are telling OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am not worried about the financials. I am paying child support and my kids are not lacking anything nor will I neglect them if I have another child. As I said it is not my intention to remarry and have more kids but I really love my current girlfriend and if she says she wants to marry because she wants a child I would do it. But of course I am worried being a new dad all over again as I am entering my 50s.

So you’ve got at best a little over a year of college saved for your children at today’s cost and you are already thinking about starting a new family? Grow up. You sound like a troll or a loser.

No wonder colleges are increasing tuition yearly at an absurd rate with these kind of parents saying and accepting that $100k per year is normal age aye

I’m not saying it should be 100k per year but 100k in total is not much

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you please respond to previous question about finances? Are there college funds for 2 older kids, can you afford a new house with new wife, a 3rd college fund; and split your retirement in divorce ?

OP here. College funds are okay, 100k for each child. I just closed on a new house couple of months ago. Retirement is okay as well.

100K each is not much actually. And the new wife would request adding her to the title of your new house, or buying a new house together. Also, the question on the retirement was different: is what you have now sufficient to live through 75 at least with the same spent? Can you afford losing some part of your newly accumulated retirement (e.g. during marriage), if it ends in divorce?

Also, important is if she works and how much she's making relative you, and if she expects to be SAHM

I am not OP but y'all are crazy....100k is enough for 3 years at a decent public university.

No - you are crazy . And what if his older kids want to go to a private ? Or it’s not relevant anymore to OP?
Is he ok adding the new wife to house title, losing part of pension, have another divorce in his 50s?

The kids should go where the parents can afford. You are crazy. People can still get a descent education at a public college. Drop your elitist nonsense. I got my electrical engineering degree from Purdue University (you probably never heard of it and that's okay) and I do not believe that someone who went to say Stanford had a significantly better education. That bright student who sent to Stanford would have succeeded anywhere even if they had chosen not to attend college. So stop saying a child needs to have say $150k or even more saved for college.

Interestingly, my child also goes to Purdue so I do know it. The tuition and living costs are close to 50k/year now for out of state. But I still think they would have done way better at Carnegie where they were accepted but rich dad made them decline the admission offer. It’s undeniable that exit salaries and connections are different from these schools. My priority would be my children

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am not worried about the financials. I am paying child support and my kids are not lacking anything nor will I neglect them if I have another child. As I said it is not my intention to remarry and have more kids but I really love my current girlfriend and if she says she wants to marry because she wants a child I would do it. But of course I am worried being a new dad all over again as I am entering my 50s.

So you’ve got at best a little over a year of college saved for your children at today’s cost and you are already thinking about starting a new family? Grow up. You sound like a troll or a loser.

No wonder colleges are increasing tuition yearly at an absurd rate with these kind of parents saying and accepting that $100k per year is normal age aye

Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman, and no bitterness or jealousy is causing me to feel creeped out by your post. You seem to be acting on impulse and not thinking clearly. Every child deserves careful consideration, and keep in mind that situations change….one of your children may have increased needs and you may struggle to provide if torn between two families. Please - Do right by the kids you currently have and wait and see if girlfriend situation stands the test of time. Don’t be a deadbeat or get into a situation where girlfriend takes all.

You make valid points. However these same issues you are raising people do not apply them to women. When it comes to remarrying or having more children post divorce on this forum for strange reasons it's always the men who are told to pause and think about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you please respond to previous question about finances? Are there college funds for 2 older kids, can you afford a new house with new wife, a 3rd college fund; and split your retirement in divorce ?

OP here. College funds are okay, 100k for each child. I just closed on a new house couple of months ago. Retirement is okay as well.

100K each is not much actually. And the new wife would request adding her to the title of your new house, or buying a new house together. Also, the question on the retirement was different: is what you have now sufficient to live through 75 at least with the same spent? Can you afford losing some part of your newly accumulated retirement (e.g. during marriage), if it ends in divorce?

Also, important is if she works and how much she's making relative you, and if she expects to be SAHM

I am not OP but y'all are crazy....100k is enough for 3 years at a decent public university.

No - you are crazy . And what if his older kids want to go to a private ? Or it’s not relevant anymore to OP?
Is he ok adding the new wife to house title, losing part of pension, have another divorce in his 50s?

The kids should go where the parents can afford. You are crazy. People can still get a descent education at a public college. Drop your elitist nonsense. I got my electrical engineering degree from Purdue University (you probably never heard of it and that's okay) and I do not believe that someone who went to say Stanford had a significantly better education. That bright student who sent to Stanford would have succeeded anywhere even if they had chosen not to attend college. So stop saying a child needs to have say $150k or even more saved for college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - can you please respond to previous question about finances? Are there college funds for 2 older kids, can you afford a new house with new wife, a 3rd college fund; and split your retirement in divorce ?

OP here. College funds are okay, 100k for each child. I just closed on a new house couple of months ago. Retirement is okay as well.

100K each is not much actually. And the new wife would request adding her to the title of your new house, or buying a new house together. Also, the question on the retirement was different: is what you have now sufficient to live through 75 at least with the same spent? Can you afford losing some part of your newly accumulated retirement (e.g. during marriage), if it ends in divorce?

Also, important is if she works and how much she's making relative you, and if she expects to be SAHM

I am not OP but y'all are crazy....100k is enough for 3 years at a decent public university.

No - you are crazy . And what if his older kids want to go to a private ? Or it’s not relevant anymore to OP?
Is he ok adding the new wife to house title, losing part of pension, have another divorce in his 50s?

My husband is several years older than I am. We had kids late, and got through it all very well. He was early 40s when they were born. However, on the other end of that is teens. Whoa, do I wish we had had them a couple of years earlier so we were done. (We could have; we just procrastinated.). Don’t underestimate the other side of it. If on top of our two he or we had a littler one, I think we would lose our minds.

I also know a family where the father did just what you are thinking of doing. I used to see them when my DC was still friends with one of the kids. He aged ten years that first year and looked perpetually stressed and unhappy. The first marriage kids were also upset and unhappy. Interestingly, the first wife looked the best, happiest, and least stressed out of all of them.