Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:44     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. We have discussed timelines and wants throughout our entire relationship. We became pretty serious at 6 months and he brought up marriage. He said I love you for the first time and told me he was in love with me. At 1 year, he brought up marriage again. He told me flat out that he wants to marry me and build a life together and needed to know I was on the same page. We discussed moving in together this month. We both own our own condos and I will be moving in to his. My plan is to rent it out mine until I feel it’s right to sell. I do think a ring is in the near future. When discussing engagement, he said that it will happen when it happens and that moving in together and seeing how we cohabit is the next best step.

That sounds promising! Good idea to keep your condo and rent it out, if things go south you always have that to rely on.


This is exactly the point many of us are making as to why this is a bad deal for OP and the boyfriend too.

They both go into this with an escape clause. If it "doesn't work out" we turn tail and run. That is NOT a good formula for success in setting up a marriage. And why shacking up does not provide a true picture of what a committed relationship looks like.

I don't see the downside. I really fail to understand how a piece of jewellery means literally anything. If you want to argue that you should wait until marriage, that's one thing. But even then, you're just jumping in blind. There is always an escape clause, in everything we do.


It’s not the jewelry it’s the engagement, a public announcement of your intention to marry each other. Why move in before that step, disrupting your life and finances, just to risk that he isn’t actually prepared to get engaged to you? Rather he makes that commitment to you now before you leave your condo. Otherwise, just continue to date until he is sure, and enjoy your condo.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:42     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:30 and I only know one couple who moved in together after they got engaged and that’s because they were long distance when they got engaged.

I think it’s fine to move in before a ring but you need to have a set expectation (“we need to be engaged three months after I move in”) and be prepared to make good on moving out if he doesn’t meet that expectation


If he's agreed that you'll be engaged in three months, then you're basically engaged now.

If you think you're not engaged until you have a ring, you need to figure out what marriage means to you. Jewelry?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:41     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:I moved in with my spouse when he was in dental school. We knew we were going to get married. We were dirt poor and he was waiting to afford to buy me a ring.


It sounds like they’re at a different stage both owning condos. He probably can afford a ring but isn’t ready to make the full committment.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:38     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
I moved in with my spouse when he was in dental school. We knew we were going to get married. We were dirt poor and he was waiting to afford to buy me a ring.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:37     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:Do people mean an engagement ring or a wedding ring before living together?

I was assuming engagement ring.


Toe ring or a pinky ring?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:37     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Both my brother and my sister lived with SO's pre-engagement and never got married. I don't know if they wanted to, but it was brutal moving on.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:36     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:Have you told him you’re a little uneasy about moving in together before you’re engaged?


This^.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:36     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
No. engaged with a date maybe.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:33     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:30 and I only know one couple who moved in together after they got engaged and that’s because they were long distance when they got engaged.

I think it’s fine to move in before a ring but you need to have a set expectation (“we need to be engaged three months after I move in”) and be prepared to make good on moving out if he doesn’t meet that expectation


That is terrible advice. I hate the ultimatum and moving is hard. If you are pulling something like that, sort out that conversation first before moving in.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:32     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
We didn't live together and though we made it work, we would've been better off walking in knowing each other's weaknesses and strengths or deciding to not move forward.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:30     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m in this predicament, and I’m wondering if it’s wise for me live in without a ring?


You shouldn't live with and have relations with a man who isn't your husband. That's a sin and you will go to Hell.


Just have sex at his place so religious folks are okay that you are sleeping alone.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:27     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I feel like this rule gives men more power or something. Like women have to manipulate to get the ring from the more powerful man.

If you want to live together then do it. If you don't then don't.



Yes but what about wanting milk without buying the cow? Women has a smaller biological window so can't waste years?

Do you think they aren't already having sex? What does biological window have to do with this?


Because, at 31, the BF could wake up single in 5 years and shrug. If OP is single at 36, her window for biological children is closing.

This is news to you?


And living separately changes this how?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:26     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
No, made clear this wouldn’t happen in a million years.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:25     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
So many live separately but sex regularly.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2024 15:25     Subject: Would you move in without a ring?
Anonymous wrote:I’m in this predicament, and I’m wondering if it’s wise for me live in without a ring?


Based on the language you’re using, I don’t think that’s the right choice for you. You sound like you’d prefer and need the formal engagement process.