Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

+1 from a teacher

I’m at a public school and deal with most behaviors myself. I seldomly contact teachers unless it is repeated and very disruptive/ distracting.

Op, how is his behavior at home and in other social situations? Does he say things that are hurtful or bothersome in other contexts? When you talk to him about these situations at school, how does he react?

op - I would say that overall I have observed him to know the difference (except as it pertains to his brother). This is a somewhat new development. I'd say before the past couple weeks I had seldom if ever had these calls. Doesn't mean he can't be irritable and kind of snappy; but not actually 'hurtful'.
a confluence of the last few weeks is that his school friends have got BIG into 'roasting'. eg he was in a text chain with them last night where they were all roasting each other. His teacher's point is that he is roasting people outside of official 'roasting' situations and of course he isn't able to always grasp the nuance of it. I have told them that I will be telling him he cannot participate in roasts at all; although I think this is a potentially unsustainable approach probably - but in the short term have little choice.

They are way too young to be texting even if it’s on iPads etc.

I think this is pretty normal kid behavior

NP- it's not. Read some of the massive amounts of research that's coming out about how harmful phones and social media are at this age.

Texting isn’t social media

If you want to be pedantic, sure. But I'll go out on a limb and say a group text thread where ten year old boys roast each other is probably pretty harmful as well.

NP. True. It’s what they do though given the means. So it’s not ideal, super normal though. I don’t like it either and we don’t allow texting or online chat at home. It happens when they find the means though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

+1 from a teacher

I’m at a public school and deal with most behaviors myself. I seldomly contact teachers unless it is repeated and very disruptive/ distracting.

Op, how is his behavior at home and in other social situations? Does he say things that are hurtful or bothersome in other contexts? When you talk to him about these situations at school, how does he react?

op - I would say that overall I have observed him to know the difference (except as it pertains to his brother). This is a somewhat new development. I'd say before the past couple weeks I had seldom if ever had these calls. Doesn't mean he can't be irritable and kind of snappy; but not actually 'hurtful'.
a confluence of the last few weeks is that his school friends have got BIG into 'roasting'. eg he was in a text chain with them last night where they were all roasting each other. His teacher's point is that he is roasting people outside of official 'roasting' situations and of course he isn't able to always grasp the nuance of it. I have told them that I will be telling him he cannot participate in roasts at all; although I think this is a potentially unsustainable approach probably - but in the short term have little choice.

They are way too young to be texting even if it’s on iPads etc.

I think this is pretty normal kid behavior

NP- it's not. Read some of the massive amounts of research that's coming out about how harmful phones and social media are at this age.

Texting isn’t social media

If you want to be pedantic, sure. But I'll go out on a limb and say a group text thread where ten year old boys roast each other is probably pretty harmful as well.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

+1 from a teacher

I’m at a public school and deal with most behaviors myself. I seldomly contact teachers unless it is repeated and very disruptive/ distracting.

Op, how is his behavior at home and in other social situations? Does he say things that are hurtful or bothersome in other contexts? When you talk to him about these situations at school, how does he react?

op - I would say that overall I have observed him to know the difference (except as it pertains to his brother). This is a somewhat new development. I'd say before the past couple weeks I had seldom if ever had these calls. Doesn't mean he can't be irritable and kind of snappy; but not actually 'hurtful'.
a confluence of the last few weeks is that his school friends have got BIG into 'roasting'. eg he was in a text chain with them last night where they were all roasting each other. His teacher's point is that he is roasting people outside of official 'roasting' situations and of course he isn't able to always grasp the nuance of it. I have told them that I will be telling him he cannot participate in roasts at all; although I think this is a potentially unsustainable approach probably - but in the short term have little choice.

They are way too young to be texting even if it’s on iPads etc.

I think this is pretty normal kid behavior

NP- it's not. Read some of the massive amounts of research that's coming out about how harmful phones and social media are at this age.

Texting isn’t social media

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

+1 from a teacher

I’m at a public school and deal with most behaviors myself. I seldomly contact teachers unless it is repeated and very disruptive/ distracting.

Op, how is his behavior at home and in other social situations? Does he say things that are hurtful or bothersome in other contexts? When you talk to him about these situations at school, how does he react?

op - I would say that overall I have observed him to know the difference (except as it pertains to his brother). This is a somewhat new development. I'd say before the past couple weeks I had seldom if ever had these calls. Doesn't mean he can't be irritable and kind of snappy; but not actually 'hurtful'.
a confluence of the last few weeks is that his school friends have got BIG into 'roasting'. eg he was in a text chain with them last night where they were all roasting each other. His teacher's point is that he is roasting people outside of official 'roasting' situations and of course he isn't able to always grasp the nuance of it. I have told them that I will be telling him he cannot participate in roasts at all; although I think this is a potentially unsustainable approach probably - but in the short term have little choice.

They are way too young to be texting even if it’s on iPads etc.

I think this is pretty normal kid behavior

NP- it's not. Read some of the massive amounts of research that's coming out about how harmful phones and social media are at this age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

Parent perspective: as the parent of the child who is being picked on, harassed, and constantly name-called by a kid like OP's, the school has suggested that they can't take action unless I document the incidents. So every day/week/whatever I send an email to the teacher and the division head describing incidents that happened. They have been trying to discipline the child involved for 3 years but the mealymouthed student handbook doesn't allow the kind of discipline that might be effective until 5th grade. For now, all they can do is hope that it escalates to the point that they can take action based on higher-level offenses in the handbook, or that the parents will get the message and make an appointment to come into school and discuss the current behavioral plan and what modifications might motivated their child to quit behaving like a little poopface.

Read between the lines and set up an in-person meeting at school.

As a parent of an AuADHD kiddo who also gets blamed for everything he didn't do, imagine I'm holding up 3 fingers but none a pinky or thumb and read between those lines.

Charming. No wonder your kid has no social skills.

Op - a big issue I have is that once you are an sn parent - everything is potentially attributable to the sn. You can no longer tell the difference and it can be so hard to figure out what they can ‘help’ and thus deserving of consequence and what they can’t help. When I look back on me at age 10 I remember so many instances where I said something mean to a kid or they teased me in a way that was unkind. No one really dealt bc that was the late 80s and just par for the course. Ultimately I’m of course going to deal with it regardless. But it can be so tricky when your kid is nt seeming but has this profile - bc it just seems like they are being a punk not that they have a disability - and sometimes they are!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

+1 from a teacher

I’m at a public school and deal with most behaviors myself. I seldomly contact teachers unless it is repeated and very disruptive/ distracting.

Op, how is his behavior at home and in other social situations? Does he say things that are hurtful or bothersome in other contexts? When you talk to him about these situations at school, how does he react?

op - I would say that overall I have observed him to know the difference (except as it pertains to his brother). This is a somewhat new development. I'd say before the past couple weeks I had seldom if ever had these calls. Doesn't mean he can't be irritable and kind of snappy; but not actually 'hurtful'.
a confluence of the last few weeks is that his school friends have got BIG into 'roasting'. eg he was in a text chain with them last night where they were all roasting each other. His teacher's point is that he is roasting people outside of official 'roasting' situations and of course he isn't able to always grasp the nuance of it. I have told them that I will be telling him he cannot participate in roasts at all; although I think this is a potentially unsustainable approach probably - but in the short term have little choice.

They are way too young to be texting even if it’s on iPads etc.

I think this is pretty normal kid behavior

This school sounds nuts. True discipline or teaching moments have to happen in the moment. This is a school that basically only wants to deal with compliant, non-active students and feels unempowered to enforce standards and call kids out, or else they have a bunch of new teachers who want to only teach with “positive reenforcement” and “kind words”. They absolutely should deal with the teasing in the moment, and the line about calling slaves slaves and not sugarcoating the historical practices is just OTT.

I had to have this conversation with my kids school - “when you call me, I’m going to consider that the situation was so bad and so egregious that my kid is going to lose a desired item that night. That is even a tool you can use in your toolkit - he knows that if you call me, this will happen. I will support you. But I also expect that you deal with situations in your classroom in the moment. He’s a small kid - I’m not there to see what happened and mentally it’s yesterday’s news by the time he gets home. He doesn’t even remember what I’m talking about when I ask him about it.” And 95% of the calls stopped, and we got a few where it was actually something needing handling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

Parent perspective: as the parent of the child who is being picked on, harassed, and constantly name-called by a kid like OP's, the school has suggested that they can't take action unless I document the incidents. So every day/week/whatever I send an email to the teacher and the division head describing incidents that happened. They have been trying to discipline the child involved for 3 years but the mealymouthed student handbook doesn't allow the kind of discipline that might be effective until 5th grade. For now, all they can do is hope that it escalates to the point that they can take action based on higher-level offenses in the handbook, or that the parents will get the message and make an appointment to come into school and discuss the current behavioral plan and what modifications might motivated their child to quit behaving like a little poopface.

Read between the lines and set up an in-person meeting at school.

As a parent of an AuADHD kiddo who also gets blamed for everything he didn't do, imagine I'm holding up 3 fingers but none a pinky or thumb and read between those lines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

+1 from a teacher

I’m at a public school and deal with most behaviors myself. I seldomly contact teachers unless it is repeated and very disruptive/ distracting.

Op, how is his behavior at home and in other social situations? Does he say things that are hurtful or bothersome in other contexts? When you talk to him about these situations at school, how does he react?

op - I would say that overall I have observed him to know the difference (except as it pertains to his brother). This is a somewhat new development. I'd say before the past couple weeks I had seldom if ever had these calls. Doesn't mean he can't be irritable and kind of snappy; but not actually 'hurtful'.
a confluence of the last few weeks is that his school friends have got BIG into 'roasting'. eg he was in a text chain with them last night where they were all roasting each other. His teacher's point is that he is roasting people outside of official 'roasting' situations and of course he isn't able to always grasp the nuance of it. I have told them that I will be telling him he cannot participate in roasts at all; although I think this is a potentially unsustainable approach probably - but in the short term have little choice.

They are way too young to be texting even if it’s on iPads etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

Parent perspective: as the parent of the child who is being picked on, harassed, and constantly name-called by a kid like OP's, the school has suggested that they can't take action unless I document the incidents. So every day/week/whatever I send an email to the teacher and the division head describing incidents that happened. They have been trying to discipline the child involved for 3 years but the mealymouthed student handbook doesn't allow the kind of discipline that might be effective until 5th grade. For now, all they can do is hope that it escalates to the point that they can take action based on higher-level offenses in the handbook, or that the parents will get the message and make an appointment to come into school and discuss the current behavioral plan and what modifications might motivated their child to quit behaving like a little poopface.

Read between the lines and set up an in-person meeting at school.

Op - this is not remotely the same situation. No two of my kids misfires have involved the same person. He’s just trying to be funny and screwing it up- he’s not trying to bully someone.
Believe me we will be having and have had meetings.

Anonymous wrote:Teacher perspective, having worked at a private and now at public: we’ve tried everything on our end and we can’t get the student to stop doing whatever the difficult thing is. All we can do is send them to the office, and in the office they call parents. We need your help to make it stop and we’re grasping at straws. We want to inconvenience you enough that you make a big deal out of it so maybe the kid finally quits doing whatever the thing is that’s offensive.

Parent perspective: as the parent of the child who is being picked on, harassed, and constantly name-called by a kid like OP's, the school has suggested that they can't take action unless I document the incidents. So every day/week/whatever I send an email to the teacher and the division head describing incidents that happened. They have been trying to discipline the child involved for 3 years but the mealymouthed student handbook doesn't allow the kind of discipline that might be effective until 5th grade. For now, all they can do is hope that it escalates to the point that they can take action based on higher-level offenses in the handbook, or that the parents will get the message and make an appointment to come into school and discuss the current behavioral plan and what modifications might motivated their child to quit behaving like a little poopface.

Read between the lines and set up an in-person meeting at school.

Consider the emails documentation of the problem. If you fail to respond of give a canned response they will want to get rid of him all the faster because the parent isn't collaborative.

I would set an auto-reply with a URL to the Dear Colleague index at OCR. Let them find the answers themselves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is he?

op - 10.
they emailed today to say he did something else hurtful and they would be calling to explain.
i dont mean to be defensive but part of me wants to just say - look why dont I come pick him up and we'll skip the rest of the week and you can all have a break and so can he.

OP they are feeding your child’s need for attention.
At 10, any attention is positive even when it’s negative.
He acts out, they react, you get a call or email, he gets a talking to from them and from you.
Everyone is focused on him and he soaks it in.
Rinse and repeat.

He doesn’t know any different or how to change the pattern. And they aren’t helping.