Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:07
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting someone with similar ambitions as you (e.g. number of kids, aspirations for things like private schools and extracurriculars, etc.). If he’s content at 80k then you probably aren’t compatible in what you see for your future and that is a legitimate reason to split paths now.
Also I think men making 100-150k in the DC area are fairly common, so that doesn’t seem so out of reach.
But what I take issue with is this expectation you should find a partner who wants that and be willing to fund it all at least for half a decade or so while you don’t work.
It is going to take an exceptionally high earner to be a sole breadwinner and set you up with the lifestyle you want. Maybe you can jump back into your career (will give you the benefit of the doubt on that), but if you’re living off a single 150k salary in the DC area for 5 years, you’re not going to have a lot of wiggle room to buy a house, save up 3 months salary, etc. and then be able to jump right into kids going to private.
Only you know if you can land a big law partner at nearly 30. Hopefully you’re hot.
Even a future big law partner won’t be making that much at 30. He’ll be making $250-280K. OP should break up with this guy but should also count on working PT when kids are little—you can’t just jump back in to CRNA after a five year non-clinical break.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 11:04
Subject: Re:Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
OP he’s not perfect FOR YOU.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 10:58
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting someone with similar ambitions as you (e.g. number of kids, aspirations for things like private schools and extracurriculars, etc.). If he’s content at 80k then you probably aren’t compatible in what you see for your future and that is a legitimate reason to split paths now.
Also I think men making 100-150k in the DC area are fairly common, so that doesn’t seem so out of reach.
But what I take issue with is this expectation you should find a partner who wants that and be willing to fund it all at least for half a decade or so while you don’t work.
It is going to take an exceptionally high earner to be a sole breadwinner and set you up with the lifestyle you want. Maybe you can jump back into your career (will give you the benefit of the doubt on that), but if you’re living off a single 150k salary in the DC area for 5 years, you’re not going to have a lot of wiggle room to buy a house, save up 3 months salary, etc. and then be able to jump right into kids going to private.
Only you know if you can land a big law partner at nearly 30. Hopefully you’re hot.
Also I think men making 100-150k in the DC area are fairly common, so that doesn’t seem so out of reach.
But what I take issue with is this expectation you should find a partner who wants that and be willing to fund it all at least for half a decade or so while you don’t work.
It is going to take an exceptionally high earner to be a sole breadwinner and set you up with the lifestyle you want. Maybe you can jump back into your career (will give you the benefit of the doubt on that), but if you’re living off a single 150k salary in the DC area for 5 years, you’re not going to have a lot of wiggle room to buy a house, save up 3 months salary, etc. and then be able to jump right into kids going to private.
Only you know if you can land a big law partner at nearly 30. Hopefully you’re hot.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 10:54
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
When I met my DH, I was in grad school, had no income, and was taking out student loans. He was working and was making 70-80K.
Neither he nor I took $$ into account when we decided to marry each other. In fact, if we did, we probably wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have thought he'd have much income potential. And with my loans and slower ramp up to real income years, I didn't look so hot from money perspective either.
Fast forward to now, money-wise, we both are doing great. But what is more valuable to me is that I have a man who is loving, supportive, and is a responsible father.
I think you are overly focused on the 1 aspect of his income. Lots of things can happen in a lifetime over 50+ years. What's most important is to find a good man who would be a good partner to you.
Neither he nor I took $$ into account when we decided to marry each other. In fact, if we did, we probably wouldn't have made it. I wouldn't have thought he'd have much income potential. And with my loans and slower ramp up to real income years, I didn't look so hot from money perspective either.
Fast forward to now, money-wise, we both are doing great. But what is more valuable to me is that I have a man who is loving, supportive, and is a responsible father.
I think you are overly focused on the 1 aspect of his income. Lots of things can happen in a lifetime over 50+ years. What's most important is to find a good man who would be a good partner to you.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 10:44
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
OP I took a lot of flak on here for asking this question at similar income discrepancy ($220k vs $90k).
I dumped him and am so glad I did. The money was one of several dealbreakers.
I’m now seriously dating someone mentally healthier, who makes $160K and is on a management track to make more, he is a much better fit for me in every way.
I dumped him and am so glad I did. The money was one of several dealbreakers.
I’m now seriously dating someone mentally healthier, who makes $160K and is on a management track to make more, he is a much better fit for me in every way.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 10:40
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Here's the thing: OP is stuck - if she marries BF, she will resent him for the rest of her life becacuse he doens't make enough. If she dumps him and marries someone making $400K and lives a life of material wealth, for the rest of her life, she'll pine for her one true love.
Given that OP is so materialistic, she screwed herself over by falling in love.
OP here. I’m not materialistic. I don’t buy fancy things, I don’t own any brand name clothes, and I don’t care about fancy vacations. I do care about living a comfortable life and giving any future children the opportunities I never had.
You may not think you're materialistic, but some folks (many of whom have HHIs <$100K) feel differently. Everyone wants a comfortable life and opportunities for their children. Which is why many people don't even consider dating below certain incomes.
The issue you have is that you didn't screen out your current BF's salary before falling in love. So now you're screwed in that you have to choose between money (material) or love (emotional). Like PP said, either way, you're going to regret your decision.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 10:09
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you do that you make 180 at 29?
OP here. I’m a CRNA.
Great you took a spot from someone now you’re not going to do the job. Pathetic.
Huh? Nurses are always in high demand. Who did she take a spot from?
Regardless - you’re not compatible. Break up now. I would have no issues with his salary but you do, and it’s not going to go away.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:50
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
80k with no real income potential means he is probably a teacher which is a demanding and draining job once you have your own kids to deal with.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:49
Subject: Re:Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
Anonymous wrote:$80k is twice the US median income.
Not in the MC/UMC DMV world.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:47
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
It's "makes less money than I do."
It's not "makes less money than me."
At least know how to write if you're going to be a snob.
It's not "makes less money than me."
At least know how to write if you're going to be a snob.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:46
Subject: Re:Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
$80k is twice the US median income.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:45
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
My sister in law married someone with no ambition and who has gone through periods of unemployment with no urgency to get a job since she is his meal ticket. She makes about 200k and is somewhat resentful and miserable. You also need to be realistic about how far your income goes in the DMV. She got a 500k house in silver spring that’s too small for their current needs but they can’t move because rates have gone up so much - her equity has too, but that extra 100k in equity doesn’t make enough of a dent when rates are 8%. Daycare is also an absolutely huge expense to shoulder and it isn’t realistic you’ll be able to stay home. If these things will bother you don’t stay w this guy it isn’t fair to either of you. There are plenty of men out there, really.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:40
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you do that you make 180 at 29?
OP here. I’m a CRNA.
Great you took a spot from someone now you’re not going to do the job. Pathetic.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:32
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
Anonymous wrote:A large part of your family's inability to pay for experiences for you and your siblings was having 6 kids. There aren't a lot of families of that did that can do that. Stick with one or two and you would be just fine on your income and a lower earning husband.
80k is really low. If I was OP, I would just have a child on my own and switch to more flexible job. She can live in apartment. But I wouldn’t be giving such a huge credit to a man who has no desire to become an equal partner. She wouldn’t need to split custody if they divorce, etc.
I know cases where female nurses and doctors were on hook for life time alimony to lower paid exHs.
Anonymous
04/29/2024 09:29
Subject: Perfect guy but he makes less money than me
A large part of your family's inability to pay for experiences for you and your siblings was having 6 kids. There aren't a lot of families of that did that can do that. Stick with one or two and you would be just fine on your income and a lower earning husband.