Anonymous wrote:I just find this area’s obsession with how much money their neighbors have pretty gross. If you have enough for what you need, who cares? There will always be people with more than me, but I am thankful that I can give to those who have less and I’m thankful that I don’t have to ask anyone for money. Life is too short to be so jealous.

Anonymous wrote:DH has a trust fund and so do our kids. We also get annual gifting, 2m house is paid for through a family “loan” meaning dirt low rates and there is zero expectation for it to be fully paid back. Both of our kids are lifers in private. We are tremendously blessed.

Interestingly our friends never probe or ask questions even though I am sure we look ridiculous and obvious in our expensive house, cars, international travel because we are one fed and the other a sahm. I wish sometimes I could talk openly about it because I feel like I am hiding a part of who we are. At least I can talk about it here on an anonymous forum.

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Anonymous wrote:It’s an anonymous forum after all. Isn’t this the place to ask questions like this. I told the attitude from a lot of people with trust funds and family money is it’s crass to talk about it but again, it’s an anonymous forum. What does it really matter. Seems like a good place to be honest.

NP
I have never heard this from someone directly but there are many people who had a neighbor/friend/relative tell me that person had a trust fund. I wonder if they know EVERYONE knows because one or their friends is a big mouth. It's also possible that it's not even the case and just assumed gossip.

I think it’s just obvious in some cases. 3 kids in private school, second home, husband is a civil engineer and they live in a 3m house and drive an escalade/bmw. You need a very large salary to carry this lifestyle. We have a $500k family income and live a fairly normal life with kids in public school, just happens to be a great neighborhood but totally normal house that would be $400k anywhere else.

Lots of people like this in Chevy Chase. Expensive starter home that was either renovated or used to cash up to a bigger house. Club membership. Family vacation homes. Multiple young kids who will be lifers in private school. SAHM or mom who works very part time. Maybe some household help like a part-time sitter and weekly house cleaner. Dad is an attorney or some other job that makes good money, but not the kind of money for these expenses.

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. I grew up well off and most of my friends receive money from parents in one way or another. My husband and I both have well off parents. We received a down payment for our pretty average, not new construction home as a gift. HHI is around 450k and we get a 30k annual gift. Other than that - which is huge- we dont have a trust or know anything about inheritance. We watch our money very carefully, max out retirement, and live in an average house. We send our kids to private school and want a third child, so we’re carrying the lions share of our lifestyle expenses, which we need to work to do. I think our parents intended for it to be this way- if we need help for something legitimate, they’re there, but otherwise, the gifts are a head start and not intended to have us living beyond our means.

So No, you don’t have a trust fund.

I have friends all over the map. Our children have money in trust. My husband has one. It bought our home so we didn’t need a mortgage, the kids have the private schools, summer camps, activities, vacations, cars.

We aren’t materialistic so our house is an old colonial that we never updated. Used cars etc It allows us to be debt free and still be able to pay for expensive experiences. I also quit work early on to take care of my three kids along with my mother. My husband would never quit work, “that’s not what men do”.

Why would anyone look down on people who work for a living? I wouldn’t want to know people like that. And I despise people who try to take advantage of workers by underpaying them.

It sounds like OP has curated a certain type of friend over the last ten years. The OPs friends can’t all be from the neighborhood. So it looks like an effort to sidle up to wealthy people and now realizing she can’t keep up with them.

You’re just wrong. We all live in the same neighborhood and have been friends for years, raising kids together. Very tight knit community. My very best friends are mostly those in the same situation as us. It’s just more relatable for us.

Everyone in your neighborhood is in their 30s or 40s? You have no friends outside of people who live near you? What situation are you all in?

Everyone we socialize with on a regular basis, which is about a dozen families we are close with (travel with, go on girls trips annually, kids sleepover our house, parents co-coach youth sports with, etc) and about 30 families we see regularly at our kids’ school, country club, etc. We do have friends outside of people who live near us but that’s not who I’m talking about. We see other local friends every few months for dinners, etc. but the majority of our social group are people that live in our neighborhood and that’s who I am referring to. In no way are you correct in your assessment that I’m social climbing to be with wealthy individuals. I’ve actually created distance with a few friends that do have significant family money just because it’s not a great fit for us for travel and a close friendship because we aren’t on the same level and keeping up is tiring and we don’t want to overextend ourselves. Just zero in common. We prefer to be with people in similar situations as us, it’s just easier and we can be more open.

Well, you go to a country club, so that’s your answer. I think that’s where all of the family money folks hang out. Those of us that work for our money are like “you want us to pay WHAT to join a pool and be able to play golf and hang out with other rich people????” We’re working rich and we go to the Y! (And don’t golf because we are, you know, working.)

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Anonymous wrote:I’ll bite. I grew up well off and most of my friends receive money from parents in one way or another. My husband and I both have well off parents. We received a down payment for our pretty average, not new construction home as a gift. HHI is around 450k and we get a 30k annual gift. Other than that - which is huge- we dont have a trust or know anything about inheritance. We watch our money very carefully, max out retirement, and live in an average house. We send our kids to private school and want a third child, so we’re carrying the lions share of our lifestyle expenses, which we need to work to do. I think our parents intended for it to be this way- if we need help for something legitimate, they’re there, but otherwise, the gifts are a head start and not intended to have us living beyond our means.

So No, you don’t have a trust fund.

I have friends all over the map. Our children have money in trust. My husband has one. It bought our home so we didn’t need a mortgage, the kids have the private schools, summer camps, activities, vacations, cars.

We aren’t materialistic so our house is an old colonial that we never updated. Used cars etc It allows us to be debt free and still be able to pay for expensive experiences. I also quit work early on to take care of my three kids along with my mother. My husband would never quit work, “that’s not what men do”.

Why would anyone look down on people who work for a living? I wouldn’t want to know people like that. And I despise people who try to take advantage of workers by underpaying them.

It sounds like OP has curated a certain type of friend over the last ten years. The OPs friends can’t all be from the neighborhood. So it looks like an effort to sidle up to wealthy people and now realizing she can’t keep up with them.

You’re just wrong. We all live in the same neighborhood and have been friends for years, raising kids together. Very tight knit community. My very best friends are mostly those in the same situation as us. It’s just more relatable for us.

Everyone in your neighborhood is in their 30s or 40s? You have no friends outside of people who live near you? What situation are you all in?

Everyone we socialize with on a regular basis, which is about a dozen families we are close with (travel with, go on girls trips annually, kids sleepover our house, parents co-coach youth sports with, etc) and about 30 families we see regularly at our kids’ school, country club, etc. We do have friends outside of people who live near us but that’s not who I’m talking about. We see other local friends every few months for dinners, etc. but the majority of our social group are people that live in our neighborhood and that’s who I am referring to. In no way are you correct in your assessment that I’m social climbing to be with wealthy individuals. I’ve actually created distance with a few friends that do have significant family money just because it’s not a great fit for us for travel and a close friendship because we aren’t on the same level and keeping up is tiring and we don’t want to overextend ourselves. Just zero in common. We prefer to be with people in similar situations as us, it’s just easier and we can be more open.

That kind of confirms even more that you are way too aware of people’s money. I hope those friendships you dumped weren’t that close because friendships aren’t always about going to expensive resorts and travel. I bet you could keep up meeting them for lunch or dinner or just to hang out and talk. But you decided because they have so much more material wise than you do then you have nothing in common.

Except it was in my case and I had other best friends that just get me and understand where we are in life without having to explain constantly so I stepped back from one or two particular friendships where money was becoming an issue. In this case they were didn’t get it and I was constantly having to explain, example why we wouldn’t be supporting them and buying a $20k table at a gala with them or why I didn’t want to order the $120 bottle of Sancerre at a Tuesday lunch with friends. And money and spending was a topic so often brought up in a way jr wasn’t in my other friendships. Maybe you’re not like that? My point is I prefer people who “get” us without having to explain and that we can be more transparent about our situation. I still have plenty of friends with trust funds, but are closest friends are in similar situations as us and I prefer that. Just makes it easier.

Interesting, would you mind saying generally where you live? The "older money" people we know often foot the bill for things like gala tables and drinks. They are happy to give to charity, spend the evening with the people they'd like around them, and get the tax break. They are usually far more generous with friends than those who are just high earners and who are still accumulating real wealth. The last sentence is particularly true of the non-working spouses. Do others also notice this?

Anonymous wrote:People with large sums of family money who are working full-time tend to be either the happiest or most miserable people I know.
Some do what they genuinely enjoy and get a lot of pleasure from their work while others feel like they need to follow a successful family member or prove themselves to someone in a way that is impossible.
I envy the ones in the first group who are so content with work plus have the ability to afford whatever they want outside of work. I think that is part of why they are also so generous with their friends.