Op’s daughter is not going to ivy either way.

Do you only have one kid, OP?

I have 3 kids. My oldest wants to take as many AP classes offered and has perfect grades. My middle kid is the smartest kid we have and he just does not try at all. He is currently in 7th grade. We are hoping he will change by high school. I absolutely would dissuade this kid from taking too hard of a workload.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

I hate anecdotes. They never support the points people are trying to make and anytime they are given in the context of elite schools, there is no winning.

Did Jeff Bezos need Princeton? I don't know...but he came from a modest background and is the richest person in the world.

The list of the richest people and elite schools can go on-and-on.

Jeff Bezos is an ambitious amoral genius who would have thrived anywhere. But Mackenzie Scott made $40B because she went to Princeton where she got the one of MRS degree you can't get at UMD.

English degree and a secretary job that just so happened to be ground zero for billionaires.

That is the argument everyone makes, when they can't make an argument. Zuckerberg and Gates are also "amoral geniuses" that would have made it anywhere...but just happened to to go Harvard (or more aptly, happened to drop out of Harvard)?

I presume in your world, any billionaire is an "amoral genius", correct?

Mackenzie Bezos didn't even know Jeff Bezos at Princeton. They met at DE Shaw, a hedge fund...which was the first time they had ever met.

DE Shaw only hires from elite schools. She would never have been hired there if she didn’t go to Princeton.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

You cannot make a "plan" to send your kid to an Ivy League school. No one can make such a "plan." High-performing students can apply, but over 90% of them will not be admitted, no matter what "plans" they make.

Anonymous wrote:I went to a highly selective college and I would consider letting my daughter get invested in going there to be a major parenting foul.

1) Kids are their own people. They have their own paths.
2) “I want to go to Harvard” is as bad a dream for a kid to fixate on as “I want to play in the NBA.” It undervalues the parts that are the most important and overvalues the final outcome that’s very unlikely to happen no matter what.

+1

Also, elite schools don't award "full scholarships" except as financial, need-based aid.

Anonymous wrote:OP - ignore the toxic haters, we're all doing our best and these types of criticism is just spiteful

Then we should all ignore you.

OP - ignore the toxic haters, we're all doing our best and these types of criticism is just spiteful

Anonymous wrote:Any kid who "wants to go to Mom's alma mater since she was a little kid" is a victim of bad parenting. That is completely unhealthy idea to plant in a little kid's head, as reflects Mom's pathetic obsession with her alma mater's status

I think people are dumping because it is an Ivy League school.

There are plenty of Michigan Alums (including my neighbor) that deck their kids out in full Michigan gear and of course were insufferable when they won the NCAA football championship. I don't accuse them of having pathetic obsessions.

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Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

I hate anecdotes. They never support the points people are trying to make and anytime they are given in the context of elite schools, there is no winning.

Did Jeff Bezos need Princeton? I don't know...but he came from a modest background and is the richest person in the world.

The list of the richest people and elite schools can go on-and-on.

Jeff Bezos is an ambitious amoral genius who would have thrived anywhere. But Mackenzie Scott made $40B because she went to Princeton where she got the one of MRS degree you can't get at UMD.

English degree and a secretary job that just so happened to be ground zero for billionaires.

That is the argument everyone makes, when they can't make an argument. Zuckerberg and Gates are also "amoral geniuses" that would have made it anywhere...but just happened to to go Harvard (or more aptly, happened to drop out of Harvard)?

I presume in your world, any billionaire is an "amoral genius", correct?

Mackenzie Bezos didn't even know Jeff Bezos at Princeton. They met at DE Shaw, a hedge fund...which was the first time they had ever met.

+1. None of it made sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

I hate anecdotes. They never support the points people are trying to make and anytime they are given in the context of elite schools, there is no winning.

Did Jeff Bezos need Princeton? I don't know...but he came from a modest background and is the richest person in the world.

The list of the richest people and elite schools can go on-and-on.

Jeff Bezos is an ambitious amoral genius who would have thrived anywhere. But Mackenzie Scott made $40B because she went to Princeton where she got the one of MRS degree you can't get at UMD.

English degree and a secretary job that just so happened to be ground zero for billionaires.

That is the argument everyone makes, when they can't make an argument. Zuckerberg and Gates are also "amoral geniuses" that would have made it anywhere...but just happened to to go Harvard (or more aptly, happened to drop out of Harvard)?

I presume in your world, any billionaire is an "amoral genius", correct?

Mackenzie Bezos didn't even know Jeff Bezos at Princeton. They met at DE Shaw, a hedge fund...which was the first time they had ever met.

OP, I think you should be emphasizing, every time you discuss colleges, that the landscape is different now and it's really a crapshoot whether even perfect students get into top schools. So at this point your kid should not have illusions that getting into her "dream" school is likely, even if she has perfect grades.

I personally would let your kid drive the decision whether to take "regular" classes (or maybe a mix), but I would tell them (and have told, in the case of my eldest) that not taking all advanced classes might lower their already low chances at the tippy-top schools. My eldest made a conscious decision not to take all advanced classes, and not to kill himself for straight As. He knew that it meant that the very top schools were not really going to be an option. A couple of years ago we moved near one of HYPSM (my alma mater). He had never been interested in it before, but now it would be his dream school. But he knows it's not going to happen (didn't even apply), and he's at peace with the choice he made a few years ago to get out of the rat race.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

OP, did your parents push you hard? Or did the drive to succeed come from within you. That’s a key question.

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Anonymous wrote:Good Lord, let it go. Your daughter has not wanted to go to your Alma mater since she was little; you’ve planted that in her head.

+1000

Oh, please. Stop. Some kids are just like this.

Signed,
Mom of a child who will be leaving soon for the school he's wanted to go to since he was 11

This is bizarre. Sorry.

I agree, but it's who he is.

My son wanted to go to Tenn since he was 11 because he loves orange.

Then Syracuse … alas his school colors don’t have orange…

Funny. But mine is actually attending this school...

Still has nothing to do with an 11 yo’s desire.

Yeah, totally impossible that a tween worked toward a goal.

This is not a tween goal. I can eye roll too. 🙄

So you're saying my child ISN'T attending the school he's been wanting to attend for six years? Mmmkay. Newsflash: No kid is that driven in order to please a parent who doesn't care where he goes.

It's wild to me that you think out of the ether came an 11 year old's desire to go to a specific school.

Well, it wasn't my idea! I don't want him going there.

Any kid who "wants to go to Mom's alma mater since she was a little kid" is a victim of bad parenting. That is completely unhealthy idea to plant in a little kid's head, as reflects Mom's pathetic obsession with her alma mater's status

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Damn I woke the beasts. I was hoping for helpful sane DCUM.

First of all, we didn’t come from money so this isn’t Muffy buys a library to get little Princess in. We had to work so hard. And now we have a better life so maybe our kids aren’t feeling that push that we had.

And of course don’t take my school literally. Just representative of what our collective goals were for so long: very strong schools.

Secondly, I am SURE you all want your kids to to top schools. You all talk about it all the time here. So, so do we. But I am trying navigate that plan with my daughter in front of me right now and hear her while also acknowledging that we are dealing with an adolescent and all that comes with. And I want to do the right thing.

It’s a reasonable question. And only sane DCUM need respond.

Do you honestly think you are where you are only because you went to Ivys? Not because you were hard workers and smart? You really couldn’t haven’t gotten where you are by having gone to a state school or regional university?

I ask because my husband and I went to a school ranked lower than 100 and we are both doing really well. In fulfilling jobs, too (not big law or finance). My husband is honestly one of the smartest people I know, and incredibly hard working. He didn’t need and Ivy to succeed, and neither did I.

I hate anecdotes. They never support the points people are trying to make and anytime they are given in the context of elite schools, there is no winning.

Did Jeff Bezos need Princeton? I don't know...but he came from a modest background and is the richest person in the world.

The list of the richest people and elite schools can go on-and-on.

Jeff Bezos is an ambitious amoral genius who would have thrived anywhere. But Mackenzie Scott made $40B because she went to Princeton where she got the one of MRS degree you can't get at UMD.

English degree and a secretary job that just so happened to be ground zero for billionaires.