Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 07:41     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All of you married people who have never had to do OLD - stop adding your opinions. In general men who ask you on walking or coffee dates are dating so many women at a time that you’re just another number. They’re literally treating these dates like a job interview and it’s a huge turn off. No woman with options would agree to this


Yes. No one cares what you did 20 years ago as it is entirely irrelevant.


I am a woman and just don’t find it true that men who offer coffee dates are cheap or multi daters. It’s just practical first intro not a real date if we didn’t meet before. Men followed with me with an invite for an actual dinner or a theater outing for the second date. I would never go out for dinner as first date. I’m
European btw.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 07:22     Subject: Walking dates complaints
One of my best dates was a walking date. We ended up getting coffee. Lasted for a year.
Anonymous
Post 03/05/2024 06:47     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous[b wrote:]I’d assume you have problems looking people in the eye if it’s ONLY a walking date.[/b]

Coffee and THEN a walk the zoo or river or great falls or around Old Town makes sense.


This and this.

Walks or talks in the car are for people who don’t like eye contact or social cues. Not for first impressions or body language or facial cues.


Seems youthe one that struggles with social cues, body language and facial cues if you can't get to know someone without sitting across from them.


My ideal seating position for a first date would be on adjacent sides of a square table, vs. across from each other or shoulder to shoulder in a banquette. Across from each other is just too much like a job interview. Is there a DCUM consensus answer to this question?
It seems to be relevant to the walking-date issue for some of us.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 14:07     Subject: Walking dates complaints
I'd be totally down for a walking date.

OP, I can't be the only person wondering if you managed to appropriately dazzle some amazingly expensive dining experiences for your now-girlfriend. Assuming so or she wouldn't have stuck around.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 14:01     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP. When I lived in north-west Germany, my first dates with guys were usually bike rides through the countryside or roller skating. This was quite normal in a flat college town where everybody rode a bike.


Casual dates like this are very common in Europe. People love the idea of “European” everything, except when it goes against the snooty factor they want.


Haha yes, I love this casual aspect. (Married a European.) Early on we would go to the park and walk/talk, share a coffee or ice cream on a terrace. It just felt so easy and natural and all the annoying tropes about dating were not there.

My DH never understood how Americans are really formal about hangouts, or how getting together for a meal/activity feels like a business endeavor (like, as soon as you're done eating, you part ways).


Yes, I am the middle aged man above who likes walks. I'd say "want to meet at such-and-such park?".I also might say "we can grab coffee if the weather's bad." If she seems interested in art I might suggest a museum or sculpture garden or something like that.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 13:52     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP. When I lived in north-west Germany, my first dates with guys were usually bike rides through the countryside or roller skating. This was quite normal in a flat college town where everybody rode a bike.


Casual dates like this are very common in Europe. People love the idea of “European” everything, except when it goes against the snooty factor they want.


Haha yes, I love this casual aspect. (Married a European.) Early on we would go to the park and walk/talk, share a coffee or ice cream on a terrace. It just felt so easy and natural and all the annoying tropes about dating were not there.

My DH never understood how Americans are really formal about hangouts, or how getting together for a meal/activity feels like a business endeavor (like, as soon as you're done eating, you part ways).
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 13:46     Subject: Walking dates complaints
I think presentation matters. If someone suggested a “walking date,” that would sound really stiff and stilted and awkward to me. If the plan was to just go up and down a grid of sidewalks, that also would be weird AF. But if someone said, “it’s so nice out, wanna grab ice creams/coffees and go for a walk along the boardwalk?” that sounds fun and natural.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 13:41     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:NP. When I lived in north-west Germany, my first dates with guys were usually bike rides through the countryside or roller skating. This was quite normal in a flat college town where everybody rode a bike.


Casual dates like this are very common in Europe. People love the idea of “European” everything, except when it goes against the snooty factor they want.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 12:22     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I would want to know a guy is interested in me. Not putting something out there (whether its a thoughtful gesture or spending some money on a date-doesn't have to be a lot) bothers me. Going on walks is cheap in many ways. He can be taking multiple walks a day, multiple days a week...


I mean, if he’s going on this many dates, you can see his viewpoint about not wanting to spend money every time, right?


The point is the they need to filter online options out better BEFORE meeting. No one (save someone with zero social life) should be going on so many first dates that they can’t afford it. One might ask why they don’t get beyond the first date so often…


It’s not really for you to tell someone else how to date or spend their money. Accept the date or don’t.


DP and I agree with this, but at the same time, it’s not for guys to tell women what kind of dates they should accept. If he doesn’t want to take a woman to dinner on a first date, by all means, don’t! Just don’t be mad if she declines a walk date.


I literally said “accept the date or don’t.” Let us also not forget that this thread was started by a woman whining about men not spending money on her, not a man bemoaning the fact that no women are accepting his walking dates.


It was not, though.


Whatever, it was started by a conversation with a woman moaning about walking dates. Not a guy who was like "why women no accept my walking dates?!"
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 12:18     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:All of you married people who have never had to do OLD - stop adding your opinions. In general men who ask you on walking or coffee dates are dating so many women at a time that you’re just another number. They’re literally treating these dates like a job interview and it’s a huge turn off. No woman with options would agree to this


Yes. No one cares what you did 20 years ago as it is entirely irrelevant.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:51     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous[b wrote:]I’d assume you have problems looking people in the eye if it’s ONLY a walking date.[/b]

Coffee and THEN a walk the zoo or river or great falls or around Old Town makes sense.


This and this.

Walks or talks in the car are for people who don’t like eye contact or social cues. Not for first impressions or body language or facial cues.


Seems youthe one that struggles with social cues, body language and facial cues if you can't get to know someone without sitting across from them.
#Triggered
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:13     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I would want to know a guy is interested in me. Not putting something out there (whether its a thoughtful gesture or spending some money on a date-doesn't have to be a lot) bothers me. Going on walks is cheap in many ways. He can be taking multiple walks a day, multiple days a week...


I mean, if he’s going on this many dates, you can see his viewpoint about not wanting to spend money every time, right?


The point is the they need to filter online options out better BEFORE meeting. No one (save someone with zero social life) should be going on so many first dates that they can’t afford it. One might ask why they don’t get beyond the first date so often…


It’s not really for you to tell someone else how to date or spend their money. Accept the date or don’t.


DP and I agree with this, but at the same time, it’s not for guys to tell women what kind of dates they should accept. If he doesn’t want to take a woman to dinner on a first date, by all means, don’t! Just don’t be mad if she declines a walk date.


I literally said “accept the date or don’t.” Let us also not forget that this thread was started by a woman whining about men not spending money on her, not a man bemoaning the fact that no women are accepting his walking dates.


It was not, though.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 09:12     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I would want to know a guy is interested in me. Not putting something out there (whether its a thoughtful gesture or spending some money on a date-doesn't have to be a lot) bothers me. Going on walks is cheap in many ways. He can be taking multiple walks a day, multiple days a week...


I mean, if he’s going on this many dates, you can see his viewpoint about not wanting to spend money every time, right?


The point is the they need to filter online options out better BEFORE meeting. No one (save someone with zero social life) should be going on so many first dates that they can’t afford it. One might ask why they don’t get beyond the first date so often…


It’s not really for you to tell someone else how to date or spend their money. Accept the date or don’t.


DP and I agree with this, but at the same time, it’s not for guys to tell women what kind of dates they should accept. If he doesn’t want to take a woman to dinner on a first date, by all means, don’t! Just don’t be mad if she declines a walk date.


Some people are just willing to accept less. I don’t know if it low self esteem or lack of options.

I’m always surprised at how bad women are willing to be treated including a man not putting in any effort for a first date.
Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 07:35     Subject: Re:Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:Omg I keep seeing young couples on the W&OD trail who stare at their phones and don’t look like they really want to be with each other. Are they on walking dates?!? I had never heard of them before


You think it would be different if they were in a restaurant?

Anonymous
Post 03/04/2024 06:57     Subject: Walking dates complaints
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:As a woman, I would want to know a guy is interested in me. Not putting something out there (whether its a thoughtful gesture or spending some money on a date-doesn't have to be a lot) bothers me. Going on walks is cheap in many ways. He can be taking multiple walks a day, multiple days a week...


I mean, if he’s going on this many dates, you can see his viewpoint about not wanting to spend money every time, right?


The point is the they need to filter online options out better BEFORE meeting. No one (save someone with zero social life) should be going on so many first dates that they can’t afford it. One might ask why they don’t get beyond the first date so often…


It’s not really for you to tell someone else how to date or spend their money. Accept the date or don’t.


DP and I agree with this, but at the same time, it’s not for guys to tell women what kind of dates they should accept. If he doesn’t want to take a woman to dinner on a first date, by all means, don’t! Just don’t be mad if she declines a walk date.


I literally said “accept the date or don’t.” Let us also not forget that this thread was started by a woman whining about men not spending money on her, not a man bemoaning the fact that no women are accepting his walking dates.