Anonymous wrote:OP, you really need to involve legal and HR and step back from the situation.

Anonymous wrote:The reality is if she was a white man she would be considered assertive.

We do judge women, especially black women, differently when they are assertive.

Men use direct language and women use collaborative language. When a woman uses direct language they are called aggressive.

She is right, your feedback is based on unconscious bias. So now what do you do?

Also listing the thing she does to support your unconscious bias is called confirmation bias.

Everybody has bias. It’s fine, relax.

This article may help.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-women-called-aggressive-while-men-assertive-limor-bergman-nfmfc#:~:text=Stereotypes%20and%20Gender%20Norms%3A&text=Meanwhile%2C%20men%20are%20expected%20to,being%20labeled%20as%20%22aggressive.%22

She needs to be aware that her communication has intention and impact and because of unconscious bias people don’t receive her message as she intends. Her intention and impact do not line up. Sure it’s not fair that people are emotionally traumatized when women are assertive but you can’t change that.

As for the staff. They sound like they are simply going through storming and norming process. This happens to every new team. She is making changes and people are acting like babies. Obviously you can’t say that.

If you are unaware of what storming forming norming performing is this explains it.

https://www.mindtools.com/abyj5fi/forming-storming-norming-and-performing

Take the emotion out of the conversation.

She wants them to do X they want to do Y. Unless they can show value at not doing it her way they need to suck it up.

You also need to manage the storming stage better I’m sure you can google it.

Anonymous wrote:I just want to point out that sometimes what looks like "being a jerk" in one culture is actually just being straightforward and normal in other cultures. I when you document you need to be able to point toward very specific behaviors/events.

This is unfortunate; I wish she could see an example of how it's done right before she gets let go, but what do you do.

Anonymous wrote:Sigh.

DEI expert, with direct experience in transformative change management and EEO compliance.

A couple of things:

1. What was the senior manager hired to do? If she was brought in specifically to innovate, then yeah, the existing team is going to have some feelings.

2. How was the team performing prior to her hire?

3. As a Black woman in leadership, I have to constantly remind people that my opinion is based upon my expertise. And that I am quite literally an expert in my field with decades of experience. This comes up when people who are not qualified to make leadership calls in my area of work want to debate a course of action and expect that I take those points seriously. It’s insulting and generally only happens to black women. Think junior analyst sending an email to the COO to question a leadership call. And the c-suite team responding with “well, that is an interesting point…”….when the point that was being made is something along the lines of peanut butter is better with jam than honey, but the discussion was about Justice 40 policy implications on federal procurement.

4. Unless the new hire is doing something unethical or illegal, stay out of it. The team doesn’t get to go around her because they don’t like the marching orders. You allowing that to happen IS undermining a new leader, and unless you’ve done EXACTLY the same thing with other challenging managers, that’s a liability area of risk for the company.

5. Be VERY careful with a PIP. What resources or supports have you offered this new leader? If you go to a PIP before trying to address any support areas, after she raised the issue of bias…be prepared for a retaliation claim.

6. IME, nice progressive types never think they are being biased or racist. Being nice is not the opposite of being racist. And some of the most egregious behaviors I’ve seen professionally came from nice progressives.

7. OP some of your posts read a bit…paternalistic…which I bet lands in similar ways in person. I think that you think you’re doing the right things, but again liability and risk. I strongly encourage you to speak with your general counsel, because you should treat the allegations of racially motivated bias which is discrimination of a protected class as a formal complaint.

Anonymous wrote:I’d probably talk to an HR person immediately. You are walking on glass in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:The reality is if she was a white man she would be considered assertive.

We do judge women, especially black women, differently when they are assertive.

Men use direct language and women use collaborative language. When a woman uses direct language they are called aggressive.

She is right, your feedback is based on unconscious bias. So now what do you do?

Also listing the thing she does to support your unconscious bias is called confirmation bias.

Everybody has bias. It’s fine, relax.

This article may help.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-women-called-aggressive-while-men-assertive-limor-bergman-nfmfc#:~:text=Stereotypes%20and%20Gender%20Norms%3A&text=Meanwhile%2C%20men%20are%20expected%20to,being%20labeled%20as%20%22aggressive.%22

She needs to be aware that her communication has intention and impact and because of unconscious bias people don’t receive her message as she intends. Her intention and impact do not line up. Sure it’s not fair that people are emotionally traumatized when women are assertive but you can’t change that.

As for the staff. They sound like they are simply going through storming and norming process. This happens to every new team. She is making changes and people are acting like babies. Obviously you can’t say that.

If you are unaware of what storming forming norming performing is this explains it.

https://www.mindtools.com/abyj5fi/forming-storming-norming-and-performing

Take the emotion out of the conversation.

She wants them to do X they want to do Y. Unless they can show value at not doing it her way they need to suck it up.

You also need to manage the storming stage better I’m sure you can google it.

Anonymous wrote:Do not respond to the email OP. Send it straight to HR/legal.

She is creating a paper trail. Processes exist for a reason and you need to follow them to a T now. If someone accused me in writing of being racially biased, I would not engage further with that person without legal in the room. Risky stuff.

Anonymous wrote:Either have the direct reports formally document their 360 feedback, or have them directly talk to someone else (your supervisor or HR).

But I agree there is probably some implicit/unconscious bias causing the direct reports to be much less tolerant of directness from black woman than they would from a white man, and similarly you (or me) to be much less tolerant of pushback from a black woman than a white man.

The way I have tried to deal with this (as an Asian women) is to be assertive but couch things in soft and “I think…” type language. You could call it assimilation/working within the system/propagating a bad system. But fwiw, I try to speak as softly at home and when I succeed it leads to more pleasant interactions with my family.

Anonymous wrote:"She did not take this well, and responded with a long email saying that she thinks the pushback she is getting, both from her staff, and from me, is due to the implicit bias people have about working with a black woman in a leadership position. (I am a white woman.)"

Excuse me, but efff that. Black women are capable of sucking, just like everybody else is. She's essentially saying she is infallible. No one is infallible.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please reflect hard on this. What would the reactions be to this person if they were a white man who was doing the exact things she was doing?

In most situations, a white man would 'get away' with the same behaviors because he would be less likely to be questioned, even if he made people uncomfortable and resentful.

This is OP. I have had virtually the same conversations with multiple white males. That's a huge part of my job: dealing with obnoxious people who treat others badly, and trying to find tactful ways to communicate to them that this is not okay. I completely agree that white men often get a pass for behavior that is considered abrasive in women, and especially in black women. But in this particular case, I really don't think that is what is going on. What she's doing is actually pretty egregious.

So tell her that. "I want you to know I hear what you are saying, and I have considered it, but in this instance you are off-base. I have had the same conversation with x number of people before, many of whom were white males (or females or whatever). Specifically, here are the issues I am seeing which are not just "behavior" but actual violations of our policy ...."

No. No. No.

Holy cow you stepped in it

I hear what you are saying is fine… the rest is unbelievably off base.

I hear what you’re saying and you’re right I’m sure you are dealing with a ton of bias. We need to find a way to get the work done despite the teams inability to receive your message.

I’d talk about how she needs to empower her staff to make their own decisions and she shouldn’t change set policy until she talks to you or has at least been there 6 months.

I would consult with legal before saying this. Sounds like you’re setting the company up for a lawsuit.

Why the eye roll? That's absolutely correct.