Anonymous wrote:My kids knew many groups of "good" kids who smoked weed and drank in high school (kids who did varsity sports, got straight As, high test scores, high level ECs, went to UVA, Northeastern, Cornell, even a Harvard-bound girl who had a pill popping habit). Maybe their friends' parents didn't know but that didn't mean it wasn't happening.

There is a MASSIVE amount of denial in this thread. A friend was just telling me how many people were in denial in our group from elementary school. I poo-poohed it because we are in close contact with the parents of immediate friends about pot smoking and how to approach/talk to kids. But this thread is proving her point.

Last year the university of Michigan reported that 45% of hs seniors have tried pot. Yet, the vast majority here are telling OP all kinds of unhelpful nonsense.

https://www.mottchildren.org/posts/your-child/marijuana-and-teens" target="_new" rel="nofollow"> https://www.mottchildren.org/posts/your-child/marijuana-and-teens

Anonymous wrote:A lot of those private school athletes are doing lines on the weekends because they have the money.

Sounds like he is telling you what you want to hear. Tell him you know the differences of his behavior. If he keeps it up, you contact his coach.

How do you know this, PP? I’ll bet you’ve never had a kid that goes to private school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reevaluate if you really have an open relationship or if he just tells you what you want to hear.

Given his poor judgement, I'd limit him to supervised social situations for a long time. An attentive parent or teacher needs to be there (not hovering, but checking in periodically) so no smoking can occur.

There are plenty of kids who don't smoke pot. He just doesn't know them because he's spending his time with potheads. He needs to make new friends.

Meh. I imagine more smoke or vape than you realize. Supervising his social situations will just lead to him being rebellious and finding other outs. Teen years are difficult, but hawking him to death won't stop a thing.

Hawking him to death which means selling her son in public? You can’t just use a word and stick it where you want that doesn’t make sense.

Pp did not say “watch like a hawk”, so you’re video is irrelevant and does not mean hawking which has no connection to the phrase.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reevaluate if you really have an open relationship or if he just tells you what you want to hear.

Given his poor judgement, I'd limit him to supervised social situations for a long time. An attentive parent or teacher needs to be there (not hovering, but checking in periodically) so no smoking can occur.

There are plenty of kids who don't smoke pot. He just doesn't know them because he's spending his time with potheads. He needs to make new friends.

Meh. I imagine more smoke or vape than you realize. Supervising his social situations will just lead to him being rebellious and finding other outs. Teen years are difficult, but hawking him to death won't stop a thing.

Hawking him to death which means selling her son in public? You can’t just use a word and stick it where you want that doesn’t make sense.

Watch like a hawk is not hawking which is selling items in public; usually on the street. Watch like a hawk is a metaphor and not the definition of hawking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

The op never said their son did the drug, he/she just said they were exposed and the friend group he was around was doing things. These trolls are comical. Way to put these "tiger moms" trolls in their place.

The prior poster is correct -you have a reading comprehension problem and sound so judgmental/rigid - I truly empathize for your children.

The literature on the most effective approach when dealing with teens and substances is 1. have a discussion in order to define the severity of the problem which OP did; 2. Promote a positive-trusting relationship with them in order to increase the lines of communication -she tried that, and he lied and violated their trust. She/He/They now have to set some limits but may not be ready to jump to the extreme of testing -perhaps first look for more healthy outlets that keep him busier on the weekend nights (job, volunteer, etc.). Have you ever heard "the best defense is a strong offense"; 3. Educate, educate, & educate with a variety of mediums (schools, coaches, teachers, peers, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reevaluate if you really have an open relationship or if he just tells you what you want to hear.

Given his poor judgement, I'd limit him to supervised social situations for a long time. An attentive parent or teacher needs to be there (not hovering, but checking in periodically) so no smoking can occur.

There are plenty of kids who don't smoke pot. He just doesn't know them because he's spending his time with potheads. He needs to make new friends.

Meh. I imagine more smoke or vape than you realize. Supervising his social situations will just lead to him being rebellious and finding other outs. Teen years are difficult, but hawking him to death won't stop a thing.

Hawking him to death which means selling her son in public? You can’t just use a word and stick it where you want that doesn’t make sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

The op never said their son did the drug, he/she just said they were exposed and the friend group he was around was doing things. These trolls are comical. Way to put these "tiger moms" trolls in their place.

So the story is that this year he's a regular user but last year his friends were all heavy users but he abstained?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

The op never said their son did the drug, he/she just said they were exposed and the friend group he was around was doing things. These trolls are comical. Way to put these "tiger moms" trolls in their place.

I never said that their son did drugs, either. I said it isn't coincidence that his friends group at both schools are the kids that do drugs. That is who he is drawn to. He has a genetic predisposition towards addiction.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

The op never said their son did the drug, he/she just said they were exposed and the friend group he was around was doing things. These trolls are comical. Way to put these "tiger moms" trolls in their place.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

Op’s son IS the druggie kid.

Anonymous wrote:OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

+1. He's seeking out substances, not just getting caught up with peer influence.

It's noticable in your first post that your DS is going out on Friday and Saturday nights every weekend and you don't seem to know what he's doing. That's way too much freedom given his lack of judgement and ADHD. He's 15, not 19 yo. A supervising adult needs to be at social gatherings.

OP, the concerning thing here is that your son seems to have found the druggie kids at *both* schools he has attended. I have absolutely no idea why you think it's extreme to do drug testing. Your kid is using drugs. It's not an extreme response to test him, it's a way to hold him accountable.

I really think that especially given his genetic background, you are sending mixed messages. You should not be wishy-washy about where you stand on using drugs, including pot.

OP here, those blaming the school type (public vs. private) couldn't be more wrong. Guess what, my son was in public school up until last year (he's repeating 9th grade in the private school) and the crap he was exposed to and the accelerated track his friends were on in this school was SO incredibly concerning. His former friend group appears to be on a more accelerated path of substance use. So those parents who preach, keep preaching and revisit this post in 5 years.

Overall, my son's academic experience has been significantly better given his ADHD and the small classroom environment which has more experiential learning. Furthermore, the teachers and coach hold the kids accountable for their actions and behavior. This is contrary to his former public school where kids were vaping, having sex and doing liquor shots in the bathroom. Oh and there's been multiple overdoses in this county (yup, you guessed it - good ole Arlington).

I know my son wants to succeed and has a passion for his sport so I appreciate the realistic and practical recommendations folks provided regarding involving coaches and mentors, even some of the extreme recs of drug testing. I don't want to go down that road but have no problem doing it if we have to.

Raising teens feels like a rollercoaster of steep peaks and valleys especially those with ADHD. They keep us on our toes for sure!

Anonymous wrote:I would move. Enroll in a catholic school somewhere or something along those lines. Essential to find a new peer group.

I’m not sure about the Catholic school, but I would switch schools to force a change in peer group.

I have freshman and a sophomore boys in private. They both have great friend groups and one is an “elite athlete” (will more than likely play in college). The sophomore has experimented with drinking a few times but I am not aware of pot use. Our school (not in this area) does random drug testing to discourage use. It works. I suggest that OP let her son know they’ll be testing his hair monthly and if it’s ever positive, he loses privileges.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to reevaluate if you really have an open relationship or if he just tells you what you want to hear.

Given his poor judgement, I'd limit him to supervised social situations for a long time. An attentive parent or teacher needs to be there (not hovering, but checking in periodically) so no smoking can occur.

There are plenty of kids who don't smoke pot. He just doesn't know them because he's spending his time with potheads. He needs to make new friends.

Meh. I imagine more smoke or vape than you realize. Supervising his social situations will just lead to him being rebellious and finding other outs. Teen years are difficult, but hawking him to death won't stop a thing.

Hawking him to death which means selling her son in public? You can’t just use a word and stick it where you want that doesn’t make sense.