Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.

What about a neighbor who is saying nasty things about you to everyone else in the building/neighborhood? That's the kind of behavior that can negative consequences. Just ignoring it may not be an option if they are destroying your reputation.

Meh. Not everyone listens to gossip.

But if OP goes psycho and is found to be responsible for childish pranks, well, she will deserve a negative reputation.

Define "goes psycho." Hanging wind chimes? Come on.

Purposefully annoying people in secret rather than handling your personal problems like a responsible adult.

Ok but about the fact that the neighbor is handling whatever this issue is by badmouthing OP and being rude to her. Is he being a "responsible adult"?

It's always a problem. How do you deal with people who are nasty and underhanded? Everyone will tell you to ignore it and "take the high ground." But in my experience this often just means people get away with treating you badly and you put up with it. Of course if you lower yourself to their level, that doesn't work either.

OP is looking for a third way. Not engaging in the same behavior as they are by badmouthing them, trying to drag neighbors into it, being rude to them. But to passive aggressively make them want to move so that they go away and the conflict ends. I don't think this is a "psycho" impulse. It's actually a reasonable option to explore. I don't know that it will work (I think it would be very hard to annoy someone enough that they decide to move without it tipping over to harassment) but I fully understand why you'd try to come up with some options because I wouldn't want to live next door to someone like that either, and I also would not want to move just to get away from them either.

OP does not sound at all crazy to me. It's a real problem, I hope she finds a way to solve it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like them? Are you prejudiced? Did they wrong you somehow? If they’re not doing these kind of things to you, why can’t you get along? Perhaps you’re not cut out for living with a shared wall.

They don't like me, and it is rooted in prejudice. They say nasty things about me to all our neighbors and never speak to me and glare at me whenever I see them. It makes me uncomfortable but there is nothing they have technically done to me. But I'd like to make it unpleasant for them to live there until they move. There are several reasons why they probably don't like living here, I'd just like to help them along and hopefully get a neighbor there who is less hostile towards me. They make me uneasy.

Sounds to me like they know who they are dealing with. You are a devious and vindictive person. They probably should be wary of you and warn their neighbors.

Comments like this are bonkers. You don't know any of the people involved! Probably you are projecting your own experiences with neighbors in the past onto this thread and drawing silly conclusions.

What? The op was literally asking for tips on how to be a jerk in a sneaky way with the explicit goal to force their neighbor to move. There is never a justifiable reason to act in such a way. I think it is reasonable to conclude that this childish attitude is also apparent to her own neighbor.

But she wants the neighbor to move because he is badmouthing her around the building and treats her poorly. That's actually a pretty reasonable reason to want someone to move away, especially if you've lived there a longtime. And OP specified "legal and safe." So she's not trying to harass the neighbors, just make them think "you know what, this is not the place for us."

I don't see why OP should have to put up with neighbors who treat her badly and try to ruin her reputation in the building. Their behavior sounds really nuts. I do think OP is justified in wanting to annoy them out of the building if she can find a way to do it carefully so it doesn't result in blowback on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.

What about a neighbor who is saying nasty things about you to everyone else in the building/neighborhood? That's the kind of behavior that can negative consequences. Just ignoring it may not be an option if they are destroying your reputation.

Meh. Not everyone listens to gossip.

But if OP goes psycho and is found to be responsible for childish pranks, well, she will deserve a negative reputation.

Define "goes psycho." Hanging wind chimes? Come on.

Purposefully annoying people in secret rather than handling your personal problems like a responsible adult.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.

What about a neighbor who is saying nasty things about you to everyone else in the building/neighborhood? That's the kind of behavior that can negative consequences. Just ignoring it may not be an option if they are destroying your reputation.

^^^ This is why we can’t have nice things.

Ignoring is the grown up thing to do. You are not the morality police. If someone is doing something illegal then call the cops or file a lawsuit. Otherwise ignore it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like them? Are you prejudiced? Did they wrong you somehow? If they’re not doing these kind of things to you, why can’t you get along? Perhaps you’re not cut out for living with a shared wall.

They don't like me, and it is rooted in prejudice. They say nasty things about me to all our neighbors and never speak to me and glare at me whenever I see them. It makes me uncomfortable but there is nothing they have technically done to me. But I'd like to make it unpleasant for them to live there until they move. There are several reasons why they probably don't like living here, I'd just like to help them along and hopefully get a neighbor there who is less hostile towards me. They make me uneasy.

Sounds to me like they know who they are dealing with. You are a devious and vindictive person. They probably should be wary of you and warn their neighbors.

Comments like this are bonkers. You don't know any of the people involved! Probably you are projecting your own experiences with neighbors in the past onto this thread and drawing silly conclusions.

What? The op was literally asking for tips on how to be a jerk in a sneaky way with the explicit goal to force their neighbor to move. There is never a justifiable reason to act in such a way. I think it is reasonable to conclude that this childish attitude is also apparent to her own neighbor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like them? Are you prejudiced? Did they wrong you somehow? If they’re not doing these kind of things to you, why can’t you get along? Perhaps you’re not cut out for living with a shared wall.

They don't like me, and it is rooted in prejudice. They say nasty things about me to all our neighbors and never speak to me and glare at me whenever I see them. It makes me uncomfortable but there is nothing they have technically done to me. But I'd like to make it unpleasant for them to live there until they move. There are several reasons why they probably don't like living here, I'd just like to help them along and hopefully get a neighbor there who is less hostile towards me. They make me uneasy.

Sounds to me like they know who they are dealing with. You are a devious and vindictive person. They probably should be wary of you and warn their neighbors.

Comments like this are bonkers. You don't know any of the people involved! Probably you are projecting your own experiences with neighbors in the past onto this thread and drawing silly conclusions.

Anonymous wrote:I say don’t do harrass your neighbor OP. The last time I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor harrass me. My bedroom shared a wall with her and her husband. She would bang on my wall or leave nasty notes on my door that she could hear me having sex all night. Honestly, I was trying to be quiet and even rearranged my room to make it less noisy. It felt like she just really had it in for me and would even sneer at me in the hallway. Her husband always seemed super nice though. I felt bad for him.

Was she harassing you or were you having really loud sex all the time and she left you notes to let you know it was disturbing her?

Leaving a note for a neighbor that they are doing something that is causing a noise disturbance is not "harassment." Did the notes call you names or disparage you in any way? Or did they just inform you that she could hear your sex sessions through the wall and it was louder or longer in duration than she thought was appropriate in a shared building? It might be irritating to you, but I expect your loud sex was also irritating to her. It is not a reflection of her "having it in" for you, it was likely because she didn't like you due to the loud sex that was disturbing her sleep and her enjoyment of her home.

People are using the term "harassment" really liberally on this thread. Harassment is not just any interaction you don't like. Harassment is unprovoked behavior that intimidates or pressures a person. Generally harassing behaviors need to be repeated. So a note regarding something loud or irritating you are doing in your apartment is not harassment. Hanging wind chimes or ugly decor outside your apartment might constitute a nuisance (especially if they create a noise disturbance or violate building rules) but is not harassment.

Nasty looks probably could never rise to the level of harassment -- it's too hard for a look to be defined as threatening or intimidating (and some people's faces just look like that). They'd have to actually DO something. Yelling at you, making threatening or intimidating gestures, making repeated unprovoked demands -- these would be harassment.

I do think that starting a whisper campaign about someone in the building could be considered harassment, especially if they were spreading rumors that were untrue and very disparaging. Or simply making lots of disparaging remarks (that you are ugly or stupid, for instance) to neighbors. There are laws about libel and slander, of course, but there are also private causes of action regarding damage to someone's reputation. So if someone was being excessive about this behavior, it could rise to the level of harassment. It's tricky though because it could be hard to prove. But certainly I wouldn't want to live in a building with someone who was regularly saying nasty things about me to my neighbors, especially if the things they said were untrue or unfairly damaged my reputation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you like them? Are you prejudiced? Did they wrong you somehow? If they’re not doing these kind of things to you, why can’t you get along? Perhaps you’re not cut out for living with a shared wall.

They don't like me, and it is rooted in prejudice. They say nasty things about me to all our neighbors and never speak to me and glare at me whenever I see them. It makes me uncomfortable but there is nothing they have technically done to me. But I'd like to make it unpleasant for them to live there until they move. There are several reasons why they probably don't like living here, I'd just like to help them along and hopefully get a neighbor there who is less hostile towards me. They make me uneasy.

Sounds to me like they know who they are dealing with. You are a devious and vindictive person. They probably should be wary of you and warn their neighbors.

I would gift their children lots of small legos and puzzle sets.

I say don’t do harrass your neighbor OP. The last time I lived in an apartment I had a neighbor harrass me. My bedroom shared a wall with her and her husband. She would bang on my wall or leave nasty notes on my door that she could hear me having sex all night. Honestly, I was trying to be quiet and even rearranged my room to make it less noisy. It felt like she just really had it in for me and would even sneer at me in the hallway. Her husband always seemed super nice though. I felt bad for him.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I see wifi network names in my apt building like, "_hey_apt 555_shut_your_dog_up"

Our neighbors talk trash over nfl and soccer teams on the wifi. Dallas fans and Washington fans are at it every weekend.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.

What about a neighbor who is saying nasty things about you to everyone else in the building/neighborhood? That's the kind of behavior that can negative consequences. Just ignoring it may not be an option if they are destroying your reputation.

Meh. Not everyone listens to gossip.

But if OP goes psycho and is found to be responsible for childish pranks, well, she will deserve a negative reputation.

Define "goes psycho." Hanging wind chimes? Come on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.

What about a neighbor who is saying nasty things about you to everyone else in the building/neighborhood? That's the kind of behavior that can negative consequences. Just ignoring it may not be an option if they are destroying your reputation.

Meh. Not everyone listens to gossip.

But if OP goes psycho and is found to be responsible for childish pranks, well, she will deserve a negative reputation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.

What about a neighbor who is saying nasty things about you to everyone else in the building/neighborhood? That's the kind of behavior that can negative consequences. Just ignoring it may not be an option if they are destroying your reputation.

Anonymous wrote:If someone doesn’t respect and is hostile to you at some point you need to come out swinging. Not with violence but it’s essential to not quietly take it.

Find a weakness and exploit it,
be vocal and loud. Nothing wrong
with good old fashioned fear of what you might do to put a bully in his or her place.

And I don’t live alone. But I know plenty of women who do. And they are all capable of being loud, cunning and ferocious when they need to be.

Who needs to be? A neighbor who may or may not be giving dirty looks is not someone who needs to be interacted with.