Anonymous wrote:If you like to wear your hair with length, eelax your hair (with a lye relaxer, no lye relaxers make hair brittle) instead of wearing it natural, in a length where you can put your hair in a ponytail or wrap it at night OR wear a natural TWA (I do). Trying to maintain length in natural hair is expensive and time consuming and futile for many.

On another note, I think the natural hair for all (AA) women has been a disservice. Now, we have a wig culture so what is the point?

This whole thing made me chuckle, in a good way. I stopped relaxing my hair in 2009. So much healthier for me. But yea wig culture is a thing I don’t even imagine joining. Maybe I should try the stiff wig movement 🤣

-op

Anonymous wrote:I started cutting my own hair to save money as well. I think that you and your daughter should clean the house, and the cleaner needs to go. I wouldn't worry about her college. She can take a loan, or go to community college. Are you cooking meals at home? You shouldn't be going out to eat under any circumstances. I also barely buy any clothes anymore and shop clearance. I don't make much money either and live in Northern Virginia which is expensive. I learnt to live simply as much as I can.

We rarely eat out as I like to cook and don’t feel like garbage after. I did the math, after taxes, insurance, and 401k is taken out of my check I make 52k. Very different than the 78k on my contract.

Anonymous wrote:I know OP has some bigger issues to resolve, but it sounds like the salon might be a better choice to keep than the house cleaner. I think you miss it and it was important to you.

I agree if the hair salon is important keep it.

As for the house cleaner, I’m not sure what you pay but it’s probably a waste. You are two females how messy can your house really get.

Put your daughter on dish duty and spend a few hours Sat am cleaning everything else. I say this as a single mom of a boy. I stopped worrying about the mess. I do the dishes and he does his room and his bathroom.

My house is messy all of the time, because my DS has no concept of order or cleanliness, but DS does have a college fund. I put the money I’d spend on haircuts, clothes and cleaning into his college fund and a vacation fund.

As for streaming services cut them. If you are depressed get outside sitting at home watching movies doesn’t help.

I’m not sure if you are just being dramatic. I hope you are because $80k isn’t a lot of money but it’s not nothing. Life happens and if your daughter wants to go to college she will find a way. If you haven’t been able to save for college by now you won’t be able to so stop beating yourself up and instead commit to sending her some small amount of money each month for spending money. I didn’t get a lot of help from parents but having a little bit of spending money really helped to keep me going.

Oh and seek enforcement of your child support. If the choice is between paying of going to jail. He will beg, borrow, and steal to find the money. They always do. Don’t think about it too much just do it. Deadbeats don’t deserve empathy or sympathy. Put that money away for a rainy day. Having a little cushion will make you feel better too.

Best of luck to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could you do food shopping at a local food bank? Inflation has jacked up prices so much, I think if you could get one or two week’s worth of food at a food pantry, that might save you $200-300 each month.

Do they have limits on how much you can make? I feel like I make too much to qualify for these and should leave them for folks who really need it.

No limits at the Maryland food bank pickup locations.

If you like to wear your hair with length, eelax your hair (with a lye relaxer, no lye relaxers make hair brittle) instead of wearing it natural, in a length where you can put your hair in a ponytail or wrap it at night OR wear a natural TWA (I do). Trying to maintain length in natural hair is expensive and time consuming and futile for many.

On another note, I think the natural hair for all (AA) women has been a disservice. Now, we have a wig culture so what is the point?

My mom was a single mom (deadbeat dad) with 4 kids and made 30k (this was about 20 years ago). She couldn’t invest in her 401k or college funds. We all ended up going to college (she and my father didn’t have degrees) and paid our own way (student loans or GI bill). She is also set to retire at 65 after saving like crazy once we all turned 18. Her kids are all successful and she’s living life to the fullest. You are going through a lot but as long as you are a strong role model to your kid, you will both thrive.

No advice to give but want you to know that your in my prayers tonight and I wish you and your child all the best. Its a tough world out there and you should be proud of what you've accomplished so far with your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP do u know anyone that can do hair that might wanna trade/barter services with you?
I’m
White by my kid is black so I get the hair thing and the expense.

No, I have no skills worth bartering unless you consider BJs.

I would not recommend bartering for BJs, only accept cash

The child can go to community college. CC in US is repeat of high school. It should be easy for a child who went to school in US. Since it is easy, there's no reason she couldn't work while at school.
We have 16- year old running food at our restaurant two brunches a week. He makes about $1600 a month. Most restaurants are hiring.
I would have never signed up for a streaming service and a house cleaner. Had you invested the money instead, you'd would have a very nice emergency fund. It's not too late.
I have never made over $40k a year, but have managed my money so that I have more than enough not to work full time. Perhaps managing money is a skill, but there's no reason why you can't do it also. Investing is easier and cheaper than it has ever been.
My child's father hasn't paid the lousy $400 a month for ten years, but it's peanuts to me at this point.
For extra money, house sit some animals, watch children and again, restaurants are hiring.

I started cutting my own hair to save money as well. I think that you and your daughter should clean the house, and the cleaner needs to go. I wouldn't worry about her college. She can take a loan, or go to community college. Are you cooking meals at home? You shouldn't be going out to eat under any circumstances. I also barely buy any clothes anymore and shop clearance. I don't make much money either and live in Northern Virginia which is expensive. I learnt to live simply as much as I can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did an in-depth look at my finances today and I just…don’t want to feel any more. I’m employed full time and just picked up a tutoring job that doesn’t pay much. Ive been looking for another job for over a year and I can’t even get an interview. I’m talking hundreds of job apps. I have my masters but it’s worthless. Before taxes I make just under 80k. My kid does not have a college savings and will be going off to college in 2.5 years. Her dad’s child support is minimal ($200/month). I stopped getting my hair done to save money (fwiw I’m black so this is a big deal). Considering cutting streaming services too just to cut corners where I can. We have no vacation expenses this year. I don’t buy new clothes. One expense that I need to cut is my monthly house cleaner but she brings me so much joy and reduces my stress greatly, but I should save the $150 each month. Suicide is not actually a viable option because I can’t do that to my kid, but I am overwhelmed and frustrated with my situation. I’m just tired.

Fwiw, your kid may qualify for a lot of need based aid based on your income. Making more money right now might not actually be to your benefit, especially if your kid is competitive for elite schools (are they?).

It's ok to feel over it. Do you have friends or a partner as an outlet? If a monthly house cleaning helps mentally, it's probably worth it to keep it. To save money on hair, I go to Nadine's Hair Braiding every quarter and get the tiktok special for $180 which lasts 2 months. I wear my own hair in between. This too shall pass.

My kid will not compete for elite schools. We'll be lucky if she applies to top 100 honestly. I just think all moco kids are the same and her chances are shot. I do not have a partner. I have friends but the relationships are not as deep as I would like. I can barely talk to my friends about my regular anxiety. I so want Nadine's to work out for me, but they always tell me to come at 4am

Anonymous wrote:OP do u know anyone that can do hair that might wanna trade/barter services with you?
I’m
White by my kid is black so I get the hair thing and the expense.

No, I have no skills worth bartering unless you consider BJs.

Anonymous wrote:I know OP has some bigger issues to resolve, but it sounds like the salon might be a better choice to keep than the house cleaner. I think you miss it and it was important to you.

It was just easier and looked better. I love a clean house though.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just wanted you to know that I have called 988 before and it really helped me. You would not be alone in calling.

Have you considered moving to a lower COL area? I’m really sorry for your struggles.

at the moment moving isn't an option as my kid is in HS and my entire family is here. I get zero support from her dad so being near my family is key, for several reasons.

Anonymous wrote:Could you do food shopping at a local food bank? Inflation has jacked up prices so much, I think if you could get one or two week’s worth of food at a food pantry, that might save you $200-300 each month.

Do they have limits on how much you can make? I feel like I make too much to qualify for these and should leave them for folks who really need it.