When i get to that age and I don’t feel my best, I will starve myself. My MIL did this at the end, grant it she had a lot of other health issues…

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

Well, I’m a boomer and I’m taking care of two parents in their 90s and an autistic son on top of that. So selfish, I know.

Anonymous wrote:It's not age, it's health. The ideal (which is of course very rare) is to remain healthy for a long life, then die after a short but not painful illness. If your 89 year old month needs care, then by definition she is in declining health.

After seeing this film a few times, I'm starting to think about the painful illness. From what I've observed, when people on the other side of 80 have a painful illness (or pain after a fall or pain for reasons no one knows), someone in the care team may decide that what this person needs is morphine. Increasing the dose until they meet a peaceful end.

On the other hand, if they have dementia, they might stick around for many years. No good answers either way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

wtf? What do you expect elderly people to do? Kill themselves so you can inherit their money?

Now, that's disgusting.

-gen xer with elderly parents who need care.

Right? I feel like this was an elder millennial. Or just some pyscho. Chilling.

I don't know. I'm a 55-year-old Gen Xer dealing with my mother with dementia. While I don't have that same sentiment about inheritance, I do agree that it just doesn't feel fair that my life revolves around her and my in laws. Even beyond the care part of it, just every holiday, the guilt trips over whether or not we spend enough time with them. I mean, at what point does a life become your own. Both my mother and my MIL lost their parents by their early 40s. They have no clue what this feels like. I am so depressed that I can't have a life of my own, probably ever. I will be pretty old by the time they die with no good years left for myself. It is really really depressing.

I finally got my kids launched and was looking forward to doing some travel with my husband after years of raising kids and working full time and instead my mother developed dementia and broke her hip etc. I am sixty and in ten years I will be seventy and it’s looking like even if I retire at 65 it will be to be a caregiver to a 90 year old. I will be the old person without ever being the carefree empty nester. It sucks.

Anonymous wrote:Or.....maybe some of us can adopt a different approach and start getting in shape for the long slog towards eventual death. And by "in shape" I mean losing any extra weight that is contributing to health problems (diabetes, bp, heart conditions, etc.), taking up serious strength training at least 2x a week, drinking less (there is no "safe" level of drinking), and eating more protein to keep from losing muscle mass as we age. Also, make sure you're engaging your mind as you age. I'm in my early 60s and that's what I'm trying to do. It's not easy, but I don't see any alternative other than sitting on my ass and doing nothing--which is what most of our parents have done (not blaming them, but we now have more information about what it takes to age better).

I agree we can do more to take care of ourselves. But this seems to ignore we all will die someday. To want to have an option than a long, drawn out process is reasonable for a person to want for themselves. I just wonder how we go about it and don't want to wait too long to learn.

Or.....maybe some of us can adopt a different approach and start getting in shape for the long slog towards eventual death. And by "in shape" I mean losing any extra weight that is contributing to health problems (diabetes, bp, heart conditions, etc.), taking up serious strength training at least 2x a week, drinking less (there is no "safe" level of drinking), and eating more protein to keep from losing muscle mass as we age. Also, make sure you're engaging your mind as you age. I'm in my early 60s and that's what I'm trying to do. It's not easy, but I don't see any alternative other than sitting on my ass and doing nothing--which is what most of our parents have done (not blaming them, but we now have more information about what it takes to age better).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is living too long.
People are dying too long.

100%

Exactly. It’s a huge effort to take care of your health the way you need to live well for your whole life. But if you focus on what you want to be able to do at 90 - play with grandkids, hike, swim, ski, walk your active dog - then you can work backwards from there and figure out what you need to do to get there. Which is basically cardio, weights, good food, strong relationships.

We don’t have to age the way our parents are. That’s a totally different model of aging and we know better now.

Right. It's that easy. And then you can avoid dementia and other chronic diseases! Because every generation before us just wasn't doing it right- but we know better!

Agree that PP is incredibly naive. I am all for "cardio, weights, good food, strong relationships." But if you think that will necessarily stop you getting dementia or having a stroke or anything else, you are very much mistaken. There is a daily lottery going on, and not a good one.

+1. My dad was incredibly healthy for so long, and very sharp mentally. He walked three miles a day and played golf multiple times a week, walking the course. Didn’t stop him from getting Alzheimer’s at 74.

When my dad is cognizant he talked frequently about wanting to die/committing suicide. I wish we had more options for people who reach this point.

I plan to research Dignitas in Switzerland (or whatever is available as I get older, I'm 52) and will make my wishes clear to my family. If I get a dementia or Alzheimer's diagnosis I'm not sticking around to live it out.

Anonymous wrote:My mom is 75 and I hope I die before I get to her state. It's sad and depressing.

75 is way too young for a life to be depressing? Why is it depressing?

I hope to die the day before I receive a dementia diagnosis.

And with my family history, that is a strong likelihood.

On my mom's side, everyone is in mid-80s, living independently, traveling independently, taking classes, doing volunteer work, and one is just retiring this year.

It's not about how long you live; its about how you live.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why everyone feels the boomers are so selfish they live so long and then instead of using the wealth they took from their children for inheritance they burn it up in elderly care

What should they do then, kill themselves?

They should decline aggressive medical intervention. If you're 79 with a history of hypertension, diabetes, obesity, hyperlipidemia, difficulty ambulating, etc and find out you have triple vessel disease and need open heart surgery, maybe think twice about consenting to that surgery. And that needs to be heard by all the family members because a lot of elderly family members are bullied or guilted into treatment by their family.

+1 My mom is 83 and a widow. She no longer does any health screenings and has a DNR. She's been dealing with an ongoing bronchitis problem and it is very likely that a future cold/covid turns into pneumonia and we lose her from that. She does not want to be intubated/on a ventilator even if it would potentially be a short-term thing. She's generally happy (lives with my sister) but also ready to move on when her time comes.

Fortunately my sister is an ICU nurse so she was able to have realistic, well-informed conversations with her about what aggressive care for older people really looks like. She did the same with my dad who was able to die at home.

My mother and MIL were in good physical and cognitive condition in the 80s until they fell and hit their heads. One tripped on the way to the bathroom one night and the other slipped on a wet floor. You're independent one day and needing 24/7 supervision the next.

We really need death with dignity to be an option for all. We need to be allowed to put in our directives if we want death with dignity as soon as we move from mild cognitive impairment into moderate.

When I hear stories of loved ones and friends and other people's elders dying in their mid to late 70s and 80s from a ski accident/biking accident/collapsing on the golf course/passing away on a cruise/collapsing and dying instantly on the tennis court my reaction is so different than it was when I was younger and some people think I'm cold. I think what a blessing that this person got to die doing what he/loved and didn't have to go through extensive illness and decline. My heart goes out to the loved ones and my thoughts would be different if they were in their 40s or 50s, but with the likelihood of serious illness or decline so close, how fortunate to go out so quickly without suffering doing what you love.

Anonymous wrote:Being a 90 year in in 15 years is going to be different than it is today. Things that could've killed you 10 years ago are solvable now. AI is going find lots of solutions and people like Bezos/Thiel are pouring tons of money into life extension.

When I'm 90 in 53 years, I'm sure it be even more different. They will probably just 3D organs or know how to tweak DNA to fix the body without intervention.

I don’t want this for myself. I don’t want to live to 120 with my 3D organs. I have three beautiful children and a spouse I love and cherish. I would like to watch my children grow up and establish themselves, and hopefully start families of their own, and spend quality time with my spouse as we age. I exercise religiously daily (75 minutes of running), drink water, and try to eat healthy and go to doctor/dental appointments. I’m trying to extend the good years. I don’t want decades and decades of living where I can barely walk or string together thoughts. Neither of my parents is in great health and I worry about them. My father has had multiple hip and knee replacements (biking accidents, all in his 60s!) and seems to be in cognitive decline although he still works in a heavily quantitative role. My mother works in academia and is in good physical health after years of being overweight, but I also fear she is in cognitive decline. Sometimes her sentences are “umm, so I was doing this, you know? Umm”. My parents are divorced and neither is very social, so they have that going against them. At least my father has a dog, since a companion animal is so important for mental health. They’re both incredibly stubborn, lack almost all self-awareness, and disorganized when it comes to personal stuff so I’m dreading long declines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is living too long.
People are dying too long.

100%

Exactly. It’s a huge effort to take care of your health the way you need to live well for your whole life. But if you focus on what you want to be able to do at 90 - play with grandkids, hike, swim, ski, walk your active dog - then you can work backwards from there and figure out what you need to do to get there. Which is basically cardio, weights, good food, strong relationships.

We don’t have to age the way our parents are. That’s a totally different model of aging and we know better now.

Right. It's that easy. And then you can avoid dementia and other chronic diseases! Because every generation before us just wasn't doing it right- but we know better!

Agree that PP is incredibly naive. I am all for "cardio, weights, good food, strong relationships." But if you think that will necessarily stop you getting dementia or having a stroke or anything else, you are very much mistaken. There is a daily lottery going on, and not a good one.

+1. My dad was incredibly healthy for so long, and very sharp mentally. He walked three miles a day and played golf multiple times a week, walking the course. Didn’t stop him from getting Alzheimer’s at 74.

When my dad is cognizant he talked frequently about wanting to die/committing suicide. I wish we had more options for people who reach this point.

My mom is the same way. She walked 3-4 miles every day. She has dementia and I’ve lost count of how many times she’s told me she wants to die. Every time I add another medicine or change a medicine I’m torn because the meds are (theoretically) helping her live. I feel guilty being complicit in that but I could never withhold needed drugs until the end is close or imminent, I couldn’t live with myself.